Confidence is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give their child.
We all want our kids to believe in themselves, to face challenges head-on, and to grow into strong, self-assured adults. But how do we actually raise children who are secure in who they are?
As a psychology enthusiast, I’ve spent years exploring human behavior, relationships, and personal growth. And what I’ve found is that confident kids don’t just happen—they’re shaped by the way their parents interact with them every single day.
Psychology gives us clear insights into the kinds of behaviors that nurture self-esteem and resilience in children. In this article, I’ll share seven key parenting habits that help kids develop unshakable confidence in themselves.
Let’s dive in.
1) They let their kids make mistakes
As parents, it’s natural to want to protect our children from failure.
But the truth is, confident kids aren’t the ones who never make mistakes—they’re the ones who learn from them.
Psychology tells us that when children are given the freedom to fail and try again, they develop resilience and self-trust. They learn that mistakes aren’t something to fear, but a natural part of growth.
I’ve seen this firsthand. Parents who constantly step in to fix every problem unintentionally send the message that their child isn’t capable of handling things on their own.
On the other hand, parents who allow their kids to struggle a little—while offering support and encouragement—help them build confidence in their own abilities.
If you want to raise a self-assured child, try this: The next time your kid faces a challenge, resist the urge to jump in immediately. Instead, ask them, “What do you think you should do?” Let them think through solutions and take action on their own.
A little struggle today can lead to a lifetime of confidence tomorrow.
2) They praise effort, not just results
When I was a kid, I was obsessed with drawing. I’d spend hours sketching superheroes, but no matter how hard I tried, my drawings never looked quite right.
One day, I showed my latest sketch to my dad. Instead of saying, “Wow, that’s amazing!” or pointing out what I could improve, he simply said, “I can tell you worked really hard on this.”
That stuck with me. His words made me focus on the effort I was putting in rather than whether my drawing was “good” or “bad.” And because of that, I kept going.
Psychologist Carol Dweck calls this a “growth mindset”—the belief that abilities can improve with effort.
In her research, she found that children who are praised for their effort rather than their intelligence or talent are more likely to persevere through challenges. As she puts it: “Becoming is better than being.”
That lesson applies to parenting in a big way. If we only praise kids when they succeed, they might start avoiding challenges for fear of failure. But when we celebrate their effort, they learn that progress matters more than perfection.
So next time your child works hard at something—whether it’s schoolwork, sports, or a creative hobby—try shifting your praise. Instead of saying, “You’re so smart!”, say, “I love how much effort you put into this.”
It might just build the kind of confidence that lasts a lifetime.
3) They teach their kids to speak up
When I was younger, I struggled to speak my mind. In class, I’d have ideas but wouldn’t raise my hand. In social situations, I’d go along with what others wanted, even if I felt differently.
It wasn’t until later in life that I realized confidence isn’t just about how you feel—it’s also about how you express yourself. And that’s something parents can teach their kids early on.
I remember visiting a friend’s house and seeing something that surprised me. His 8-year-old son disagreed with him about something at dinner, and instead of shutting him down, my friend said, “That’s an interesting point—tell me more.”
It was such a small moment, but it made a huge impact. That child was learning that his thoughts and opinions mattered. He wasn’t afraid to express himself because he knew his voice would be heard.
If we want to raise confident kids, we have to create an environment where they feel safe speaking up. That means listening when they share their thoughts, encouraging them to ask questions, and letting them express disagreement respectfully—even with us.
Try this: The next time your child has a different opinion, resist the urge to correct them right away. Instead, ask them to explain their thinking.
By doing this, you’re not just teaching them how to communicate—you’re showing them that what they say matters.
4) They give their kids responsibilities
When I was growing up, my parents made sure I had chores. Taking out the trash, washing dishes, mowing the lawn—it wasn’t always fun, but looking back, I realize how important it was.
At the time, I thought chores were just about helping out around the house. But in reality, they were teaching me something deeper: a sense of responsibility and confidence in my own abilities.
Research backs this up. A Harvard Grant Study—one of the longest-running studies on human development—found that children who had household responsibilities grew into more successful adults.
According to the study’s lead researcher, George Vaillant, “The best predictor of success in life isn’t IQ or even social class; it’s having done chores as a kid.”
Why? Because when kids are given responsibilities, they learn that their contributions matter. They develop a sense of competence and self-reliance that sticks with them into adulthood.
If you want to build confidence in your child, start small. Give them age-appropriate tasks—setting the table, feeding a pet, or making their bed—and make sure they know their efforts are appreciated.
It’s not just about getting things done around the house—it’s about raising a child who believes in their own ability to handle life’s challenges.
5) They let their kids solve problems on their own
I used to work with a guy who was incredibly resourceful. No matter what problem came his way, he always seemed to figure out a solution. One day, I asked him how he got so good at handling challenges.
He laughed and said, “My parents never solved my problems for me. If I forgot my homework, they didn’t rush it to school. If I broke something, they made me figure out how to fix it.”
That stuck with me because I realized how often parents—out of love—step in too quickly to solve their kids’ problems. But when we do that, we rob them of the chance to develop confidence in their own ability to handle difficulties.
Psychologists call this “learned helplessness.” When kids are constantly rescued from challenges, they start believing they can’t solve problems on their own.
On the flip side, when they’re encouraged to think through solutions, they build resilience and self-reliance.
Next time your child faces a challenge—whether it’s a tricky homework question or a conflict with a friend—pause before jumping in with a solution. Instead, ask: “What do you think you could do?” Guide them if needed, but let them take the lead.
Confidence doesn’t come from always having the right answer—it comes from believing in your ability to find one.
6) They show unconditional love and acceptance
I’ll never forget the time I completely messed up a big school project. I had left it until the last minute, rushed through it, and the result was… terrible. I felt embarrassed, disappointed in myself, and honestly, a little scared to tell my parents.
But when I finally did, my mom didn’t lecture me or make me feel worse. She just said, “You made a mistake, but that doesn’t change how much I love you. What do you think you can do differently next time?”
That moment stuck with me because it taught me something important: My worth wasn’t tied to my achievements or mistakes. I was loved no matter what.
Psychologist Carl Rogers, one of the most influential figures in humanistic psychology, called this “unconditional positive regard.”
He believed that when people—especially children—feel truly accepted for who they are, they develop a strong sense of self-worth. As he put it: “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.”
Kids who grow up feeling loved and accepted—regardless of their successes or failures—are more likely to develop confidence in themselves. They learn that mistakes don’t define them and that they don’t have to earn love through achievement.
If you want to raise a confident child, remind them often: “I love you no matter what.” That simple message might be one of the most powerful things they ever hear.
7) They don’t rush to comfort their kids every time they’re upset
It sounds harsh, right? When your child is crying or frustrated, your instinct as a parent is to swoop in, soothe them, and make everything better.
But here’s the counterintuitive truth: constantly stepping in to calm your child can actually weaken their confidence.
Why? Because kids need to learn how to manage their own emotions. If they always rely on a parent to make them feel better, they don’t develop the skills to self-soothe and regulate their feelings on their own.
Psychologists call this emotional resilience, and research shows that children who learn to navigate difficult emotions without immediate intervention grow into more confident, independent adults. Instead of fearing discomfort, they learn that they can handle it.
Of course, this doesn’t mean ignoring your child’s feelings. It means guiding them through their emotions instead of fixing them.
Next time your child is upset, try this: Instead of immediately saying “It’s okay” or distracting them, help them name what they’re feeling.
Say something like, “I see that you’re really frustrated right now. That’s tough.” Then ask, “What do you think would help you feel better?”
By doing this, you’re teaching your child one of the most valuable life skills: how to process emotions with confidence instead of running from them.
Final thoughts
Raising a confident child isn’t about making life easy for them—it’s about giving them the tools to handle life on their own.
The way you respond to their mistakes, challenges, and emotions shapes how they see themselves. Support them, but also give them space to grow. Encourage effort over perfection, let them solve problems, and remind them they’re loved no matter what.
One simple way to start? Pay attention to your words this week. Instead of saying “Be careful” all the time, try “You’ve got this.” Instead of fixing a problem for them, ask “What do you think you should do?”
Small shifts like these can make a huge difference. Confidence isn’t something kids are born with—it’s something they learn. And as a parent, you have the power to teach it every single day.
