We all know that sinking feeling when our alarm clock rings, and we realize we’re not quite ready to face the day.
For the longest time, I thought improving my mornings was the key to feeling more energized and motivated.
But over the years—both as a psychologist and a busy mom of two—I’ve discovered that what truly sets me up for success isn’t just my morning routine. It’s actually my bedtime routine.
The surprising part? My routine is incredibly simple. I used to believe I needed elaborate rituals and fancy gadgets to lull me into a restorative sleep.
Now, I’ve found that consistency, intention, and a dash of mindfulness make a bigger difference than any high-tech sleep tracker.
Since I committed to this “less-is-more” evening routine, my energy levels and productivity at work have skyrocketed. I’m more present for my family, more creative in my writing, and I actually look forward to settling down at night.
Here’s how I do it.
Why a predictable bedtime matters
Have you ever noticed that kids get cranky when they stay up too late?
As adults, we’re not that different.
In fact, Daniel J. Siegel, a renowned clinical professor of psychiatry, has noted that consistent sleep schedules are vital for emotional regulation and cognitive performance—things we could all use more of. A predictable bedtime signals to our brains that it’s time to relax, recharge, and prepare for the next day’s demands.
I aim to be in bed by the same time every night.
Sure, life happens, and there are nights when my kids need extra attention or an unexpected event keeps me up.
But overall, I treat bedtime like a serious appointment with myself.
This means shutting down my electronics, putting aside any late-night work tasks, and deliberately easing myself into rest mode at a set time.
Think of it as an investment in yourself. The payoff is clearer thinking, better mood stability, and a genuine sense of refreshment when you wake up.
Sometimes I get asked: does it feel restrictive?
Honestly, no. It feels freeing.
Having a consistent bedtime removes the nightly debate of “Should I just watch one more episode?” or “Maybe I’ll check my emails quickly.” I give myself permission to log off from the day, confident in the knowledge that I’m taking care of my mind and body.
And, as odd as it sounds, I feel more in control by having this predictable boundary.
Creating a soothing environment
The physical space we sleep in plays a significant role in how easily we drift off.
For me, that means transforming my bedroom into a sanctuary rather than a multi-purpose zone. I used to scroll through social media under the covers or catch up on TV shows in bed. Next thing I knew, an hour passed, and I was more wired than relaxed.
Now, I save my bedroom for two main activities: sleep and genuine relaxation.
Temperature is another factor I pay close attention to.
Research shows that a cool environment—generally between 60 to 67 degrees Fahrenheit—supports better sleep quality.
So I’ll crack a window or adjust the thermostat if it feels stuffy or warm. I also keep lighting soft in the evening.
Once my kids are asleep, I’ll switch on a bedside lamp with a warm-colored bulb rather than use harsh overhead lights. It creates a subtle signal that day-time brightness is behind me.
Some nights, I also light a lavender-scented candle or use a gentle diffuser.
The calming aroma helps slow my breathing and keeps me from feeling too jittery.
Brene Brown, well-known for her research on vulnerability and shame, has said, “Sometimes the bravest and most important thing you can do is just show up.” I like to think of bedtime as “showing up” for my own rest.
By making my environment inviting, I’m honoring that commitment to myself.
Mindful wind-down activities
Right before bed, I lean into activities that soothe both body and mind.
You might have read my post on establishing healthy morning habits—but let me tell you, the evening is where a lot of that groundwork gets laid.
If I go to bed feeling peaceful, I’m far more likely to wake up feeling motivated.
One thing I’ve embraced is journaling. It’s nothing fancy: sometimes I just jot down three to five sentences about what happened during the day.
This could be anything from a small win at work to something sweet one of my kids did that reminded me why I love being a parent. It’s a practice that helps me reflect, offload stress, and cultivate gratitude.
If journaling isn’t your thing, consider a simple mindfulness exercise. I like to sit at the edge of my bed with my eyes closed and take a few slow, deep breaths.
I follow Jon Kabat-Zinn’s approach: tuning in to the sensations of breathing and noticing any tension in my body without judging it. If my mind wanders—which it always does—I gently bring it back to my breath.
This tiny pause is often enough to shift me from a high-energy state into a calmer one. It’s amazing how a minute or two of mindful breathing can work better than scrolling aimlessly on social media.
Protecting your mental space
One of the hardest changes I had to implement was setting boundaries around my mental space at night.
In the past, I’d check emails at 10 PM, see something that spiked my stress, and toss and turn until midnight.
Or I’d spiral into worry about everything I had to do the next day. Sound familiar? If you can relate, this is your sign to gently but firmly protect your peace.
I make it a rule not to open my inbox or respond to non-urgent texts once I’m in wind-down mode. I also (mostly) resist the temptation to plan tomorrow’s to-do list. Instead, I’ll do a “brain dump” right after dinner. I take five minutes to list out tasks or thoughts on paper so they’re not swirling around my head all evening.
Then, when bedtime rolls around, I have fewer anxious thoughts creeping in.
Carl Rogers, a pioneer in humanistic psychology, once talked about creating a supportive environment for personal growth. While he primarily referred to therapy settings, I believe our internal environment is just as important.
Protecting your mental space is an act of self-compassion. You’re telling yourself: “I deserve restful sleep, and I’m setting boundaries so my brain doesn’t have to keep running on overdrive.”
I’ve worked with clients who worry they’ll be seen as “unresponsive” if they don’t answer emails late at night. In most cases, the worry is unfounded. It’s often our own perfectionism or fear of letting others down that keeps us glued to our devices.
But remember, restful sleep is what fuels our best performance the next day. Setting communication boundaries can be uncomfortable at first, but it ends up benefiting both you and the people who rely on you.
Small rituals with big impact
Since I have two young kids, my evenings aren’t always a perfect picture of zen.
There are nights when one child can’t find a favorite stuffed animal or insists on one more glass of water.
But I’ve noticed that when I model consistency around my own routine, it rubs off on them too. Daniel J. Siegel’s work suggests that children develop healthy emotional patterns when parents demonstrate structured yet nurturing habits.
It’s one reason I stick to my bedtime routine even when I’m exhausted—because my kids learn from seeing me care for myself.
Sometimes, I’ll even let them see me do a quick stretch or a seated yoga pose before bed.
They think it’s fascinating that “mommy is doing her breathing thing.” In a small way, I’m teaching them that relaxation is an intentional choice, not a passive outcome. And even though bedtime often involves reading them a story and ensuring they’re settled, I still find pockets of time to maintain my own wind-down ritual.
It’s a balancing act, but it’s worth it.
If you’re not a parent, your “evening chaos” might look different—maybe you have pressing work deadlines, phone calls from family, or other responsibilities.
The principle remains the same: try to carve out a little bit of sacred time where you can transition from the bustle of the day to the tranquility of the night. Even five to ten minutes can be transformative if used intentionally.
The bottom line
Routines don’t have to be complicated to be effective.
Mine is straightforward: I stick to a consistent bedtime, create a calm environment, engage in a simple wind-down practice, and protect my mental space from late-night stressors.
In doing so, I’ve found deeper, more restful sleep—and with it, a level of energy and productivity I once thought was reserved for morning people only.
If you’re struggling to keep your motivation up or feeling like you’re running on fumes, take a moment to examine how you’re ending your days.
Remember, quality rest is the foundation for everything else in our lives—our relationships, our work, our emotional well-being. As Brene Brown reminds us, “We can’t practice compassion with other people if we can’t treat ourselves kindly first.”
That includes making sure we get the rest we need.
