As a relationship expert and the founder of the Love Connection blog, I’ve seen firsthand how vital it is to ask the right questions before heading down the aisle.
Let’s be real: marriage is a big step. It’s not just about love and romance; it’s about commitment, compatibility, and shared goals.
That’s why, in my experience, there are some key questions you should be able to answer before saying ‘I do’. These aren’t just fluff questions – they’re designed to dig deep and ensure you’re ready for this lifelong commitment.
In this article, I’ll share these essential questions to help you ensure you’re making the right decision. It’s all about open and honest communication – something I’m a big believer in.
1) Are you on the same page about the future?
Let’s kick off with one of the most important questions you should be able to answer before getting married. It’s all about the future.
Marriage is a long-term commitment, and it’s vital to ensure that you and your partner are aligned on what you want that future to look like.
This isn’t just about deciding if you want kids or where you want to live.
It’s about discussing your career aspirations, your financial goals, your retirement dreams, and even how you plan to handle potential hardships.
Avoidance can lead to misunderstandings and disagreements down the line. So, make sure you have this conversation early, and often.
Trust me, as a relationship expert, I can’t stress enough how crucial these discussions are for a successful marriage.
So take your time, have those deep conversations, and ensure you’re both looking in the same direction as you step into this beautiful journey called marriage.
2) Do you truly accept each other as you are?
In my years as a relationship expert, I’ve seen many couples struggle because they entered marriage with the idea that they could change their partner.
Spoiler alert: it rarely works out.
You need to ask yourself, “Do I accept my partner, flaws and all?” And vice versa.
As the great Audrey Hepburn once said, “The best thing to hold onto in life is each other.” In marriage, this means accepting each other fully – the good, the bad, and everything in between.
Early in my relationship with my husband, we had our share of disagreements and arguments.
But it was only when we began to truly accept each other for who we are that we found our rhythm.
So before you tie the knot, ensure that you’re ready to love and accept your partner exactly as they are.
Because true love is about embracing the entire person, not just the parts you like.
3) Do you understand the concept of codependency?
This takes us to our next pivotal question. It’s about understanding the fine balance between love and dependency.
In my book, Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship, I talk extensively about the importance of maintaining individuality in a relationship.
So, before you get married, ask yourselves, “Are we maintaining our individual identities while being a couple?” It’s crucial to continue growing as individuals, even as you grow together as a couple.
While it’s great to share interests and activities, it’s also important to have your own hobbies, friends, and personal time. T
his helps maintain a healthy balance in your relationship and prevents codependency.
In my relationship, my husband and I have our shared passions, but we also have our own interests.
This balance has been key in keeping our relationship healthy and vibrant.
Take some time to reflect on this aspect of your relationship before saying ‘I do’.
And if you want to learn more about overcoming codependency, do check out my book. It’s filled with practical advice and insights that can help you build a strong, balanced partnership.
4) Are you comfortable with silence?
Now, here’s something that might surprise you. It’s not all about constant communication and shared activities. Sometimes, it’s about silence.
Yes, you heard me right. Before getting married, ask yourself, “Are we comfortable with silence when we’re together?”
We often associate silence with awkwardness or a sign that something’s wrong. But in a healthy relationship, silence can represent comfort and mutual understanding. It’s about being able to enjoy each other’s company without the need for constant conversation.
I remember a time early in my relationship when my husband and I would feel the need to fill every moment with chatter. But as our relationship matured, we found comfort in just being together, even in silence.
5) How do you handle conflict?
Moving on to our next question, and this one is all about conflict. Yes, every relationship has its share of disagreements and arguments.
But it’s how you handle them that matters.
Before you tie the knot, ask yourselves, “Do we resolve our conflicts in a healthy and respectful way?”
In my experience, couples who can argue effectively – without resorting to personal attacks or stonewalling – have a stronger foundation for a lasting marriage.
It’s about listening, understanding, compromising, and respecting each other’s perspectives.
6) Are you ready for the not-so-pretty parts?
This brings us to our next, and possibly most raw, question. Marriage isn’t always sunshine and rainbows. There will be tough times, challenges, and not-so-pretty parts.
So ask yourself, “Am I ready to stick around even when things aren’t so rosy?”
I’ve been married for years now, and believe me, it hasn’t all been a bed of roses.
There have been challenging times, disagreements, and moments when I questioned everything. But that’s what marriage is – a commitment to stand by each other even when the going gets tough.
7) Do you share the same values?
Next up is a question that goes deep into the core of who you are: “Do we share the same fundamental values?”
Values guide our decisions, behaviors, and attitudes in life. They play a crucial role in how we approach marriage and family life.
From how you handle finances to how you raise children, shared values can make these decisions smoother.
One of my favorite quotes from Oprah Winfrey is, “Real integrity is doing the right thing, knowing that nobody’s going to know whether you did it or not.”
In my own relationship, sharing similar values has been the backbone of our bond. It has made us stronger as a couple and helped us navigate through life’s ups and downs with ease.
Take some time to discuss your values with your partner, as it can make all the difference in building a strong and lasting marriage.
8) Are you prepared to put your partner first?
Now, here’s a raw and honest question that many people might overlook.
Before getting married, you need to ask yourself, “Am I ready to put my partner first?”
Marriage is a partnership. It’s about teamwork, compromise, and sometimes, sacrifice. There will be moments when you’ll need to put your partner’s needs above your own for the sake of your relationship.
This doesn’t mean losing your individuality or always giving in. It means understanding and respecting that marriage is about ‘us’ rather than ‘me’.
I remember a time when I had to give up a career opportunity for the sake of our family.
It was tough, but it was the right thing to do at the time. And looking back, I don’t regret it because it strengthened our bond and deepened our love for each other.
Wrapping up
In conclusion, preparing for marriage isn’t just about planning the perfect wedding.
It’s about asking these raw, honest, and sometimes tough questions to ensure you’re truly ready for this lifelong commitment.
Love is beautiful, but a lasting marriage requires more than just love. It requires understanding, acceptance, shared values, and the willingness to put your partner first.
If you’d like more insight on maintaining a healthy balance in your relationship and overcoming codependency, I invite you to check out my book Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship.
It’s packed with practical advice and strategies that can help you build a strong and lasting partnership.
The journey to ‘I do’ is one of the most beautiful and rewarding journeys you can take. So make sure you’re prepared, not just for the wedding day, but for all the days that follow.
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