Children naturally look to their parents for guidance and inspiration, but earning their genuine respect as a leader requires self-awareness and intentional actions.
Certain behaviors can unintentionally undermine your influence and the admiration they feel for you.
If you want your children to view you as a strong and reliable leader in their lives, here are seven behaviors to let go of for a more impactful and inspiring connection:
1) Dictatorship
Leadership is not about ruling with an iron fist.
As a parent, it’s easy to fall into the trap of dictating every move your child makes.
After all, you may think that you’re older, wiser, and therefore know best.
But remember this: leadership is about teaching your children how to make good decisions and guiding them through the process, not making every decision for them.
Practicing a dictatorship style of parenting won’t help your children develop the ability to think for themselves.
Instead, it might lead to resistance or a lack of self-confidence in their decision-making abilities.
If you want your children to view you as a leader and respect your guidance, it’s crucial to say goodbye to the dictatorship parenting style.
Encourage independence and critical thinking, providing guidance when necessary.
This way, they’ll learn from their experiences—both from their successes and their mistakes.
2) Constant criticism
As a parent, I’ve found that constant criticism can be incredibly damaging.
I remember a time when my daughter was learning to tie her shoelaces: She was struggling, and instead of offering her encouragement, I found myself pointing out all the things she was doing wrong.
The more I criticized, the more frustrated she became.
One day, after another failed shoelace-tying attempt and a fresh round of my critique, she burst into tears and said she’d never learn to do it right.
That was a wake-up call for me—I realized that by constantly criticizing her, I wasn’t helping her learn.
Now, I focus on giving constructive feedback and celebrating her efforts, no matter how small.
Since making this change, not only has my daughter learned to tie her shoelaces, but she’s also developed a healthier attitude towards learning new things.
Say goodbye to constant criticism and hello to constructive feedback and positive reinforcement.
3) Lack of emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as empathize with the emotions of others. It’s a key aspect of effective leadership.
Research shows that children who grow up with emotionally intelligent parents are more likely to develop strong social skills, empathy, and resilience.
These are all qualities that will help them navigate life’s ups and downs more effectively.
However, if as a parent, you’re unable to manage your own emotions or to empathize with your children’s feelings, it can be challenging for them to develop these essential skills.
Show your child that it’s okay to have feelings, teach them how to express those feelings appropriately, and most importantly, listen and empathize when they share their own emotional experiences.
4) Neglecting self-care
As parents, we often put our children’s needs before our own.
While this selflessness is admirable, it’s vital to remember that neglecting our own self-care can have negative impacts.
If we’re constantly running on empty, we won’t be able to give our best to our children.
We may become irritable, impatient, and less able to handle the stresses of parenting—over time, this can affect our ability to lead effectively.
When we prioritize our well-being—physically, mentally, and emotionally—we are better equipped to handle life’s challenges and be an effective leader for our children.
Setting aside time for exercise, maintaining a healthy diet, getting enough sleep, or simply taking a few moments each day for relaxation or hobbies can make a significant difference in our overall well-being.
5) Avoiding difficult conversations
There was a time when I would steer clear of any conversation that I thought would be hard or uncomfortable.
Whether it was about poor grades, bad behavior, or the birds and bees, I would find a way to avoid it.
This avoidance did more harm than good; my child was left with unanswered questions and unresolved issues, and our relationship suffered because of it.
Once I realized this, I started to face these difficult conversations head-on.
It wasn’t easy at first—there were tears and awkward silences—but, over time, it became easier and the benefits were clear.
My child felt heard and understood and our relationship improved, and we could deal with problems before they escalated.
Most importantly, my child learned that it’s okay to talk about difficult things.
Don’t shy away from the hard talk and be open, understanding, and patient.
6) Being unapproachable
Leadership is not about being distant or unapproachable.
Quite the contrary, effective leaders are those who are accessible and open to dialogue.
If your children feel that they can’t come to you with their problems, fears, or achievements, it creates a barrier in your relationship—creating a profound impact on their emotional development and also hinder the trust and respect that’s necessary for you to be seen as a leader in their eyes.
Cultivating an environment where your children feel comfortable sharing their thoughts, ideas, and feelings with you is crucial.
It’s about showing them that you’re there for them, not just as a parent but also as a confidante and guide.
To do this, make sure you’re readily available and willing to listen when your children want to talk; show them that their thoughts and feelings are important to you.
7) Not leading by example
The most effective way to teach your children anything is by leading by example.
Children are naturally observant and learn a lot from their parents’ actions.
For your children to be honest, you have to show them honesty in your actions; for your children to be kind, you must display kindness in your interactions with others.
Your behaviors directly influence how your children perceive and interact with the world—embody the values and behaviors you wish to see in them.
Leadership is not about telling people what to do but showing them how it’s done.
The heart of the matter
At its core, leadership is about service—putting the needs of others ahead of one’s own and providing guidance and support along the way.
Parents are not meant to command or control but to inspire and guide, acting as a steady lighthouse to help their children navigate life’s uncertainties.
It’s important to remember, however, that no one is perfect; mistakes are inevitable, but what truly matters is the willingness to learn from them and strive for growth.
To inspire your children and lead by example, embody the values and behaviors you hope they will adopt.
Be the change you want to see reflected in your kids.
As Nobel Peace Prize winner Albert Schweitzer once said, “Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing.”
As you reflect on your role as a parent and a leader, ask yourself: What example am I setting for my children? How can I serve them better?
In answering these questions lies the key to becoming a leader your children will respect and admire.
Feeling stuck in self-doubt?
Stop trying to fix yourself and start embracing who you are. Join the free 7-day self-discovery challenge and learn how to transform negative emotions into personal growth.
