If you want to stay emotionally connected to your children as they get older, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

Maintaining an emotional connection with your kids as they grow older is like trying to hold onto a slippery fish. It’s not easy.

The truth is, some behaviors we adopt as parents can actually push our children away instead of bringing them closer.

I’ll share seven such behaviors you need to wave goodbye to, if you want to keep your bond strong with your kids as they grow.

In the next section of this article, I’ll discuss each one in detail. Let’s take this journey together, for a stronger parent-child relationship.

1) Trying to fix everything

As parents, it’s second nature for us to step in and solve our children’s problems.

But the reality is, as they grow older, this behavior can become a barrier in our connection with them. They need to feel capable and independent. Constantly jumping in to ‘rescue’ them sends the opposite message.

Sure, it’s tough to watch them struggle, but stepping back is often the best thing we can do. It allows them to develop resilience and problem-solving skills.

Remember, our role evolves from being problem-solvers to trusted advisors. Let them know you’re there for support and guidance, but allow them the freedom to navigate their own paths.

This shift might not be easy, but it’s essential if you want to maintain an emotional connection with your growing children.

2) Overloading them with advice

I remember when my oldest son started his first job. I was so excited for him, and I wanted to make sure he was prepared. So I bombarded him with advice – everything from how to impress his boss to the importance of networking.

What I didn’t realize was that, in my enthusiasm to help, I was overwhelming him and creating a communication gap between us. He started to pull away, feeling suffocated by my constant input.

That’s when I took a step back and realized that while my intentions were good, my approach wasn’t. Instead of showering him with advice, I should have been there to listen and offer guidance only when asked.

I changed my approach, and our relationship improved. He felt more comfortable sharing his experiences, knowing that I was there to listen rather than dictate.

So remember, it’s more beneficial to be a sounding board for your children rather than an advice dispenser. It helps keep the emotional connection strong as they mature.

3) Lack of respect for their privacy

As our children grow older, their need for personal space and privacy increases. This is a normal part of adolescent development.

In our quest to protect our kids or stay involved in their lives, we might unintentionally invade their privacy – reading their diaries, snooping through their rooms, or constantly asking about every detail of their day.

But this behavior can lead them to feel disrespected and misunderstood. It can create a wedge between you and your child and weaken your emotional connection.

So it’s important to strike a balance. Show interest in their lives but respect their need for privacy. This way, we can maintain trust and keep the channels of communication open as they grow older.

4) Not acknowledging their feelings

One of the quickest ways to erode your emotional connection with your kids is by dismissing their feelings. Phrases like “You’re too young to understand,” or “It’s not a big deal,” can make them feel invalidated.

Our children’s problems may seem trivial to us because we’re viewing them through the lens of our own experiences. But for them, these issues are very real and often overwhelming.

Instead of minimizing their feelings, we should acknowledge them. Let them know it’s okay to feel what they’re feeling, and help them learn how to process these emotions.

By doing this, we not only validate their feelings but also show them that they can trust us with their emotions, strengthening our bond with them as they grow older.

5) Setting unrealistic expectations

When my daughter started high school, I had a clear vision of how her academic journey should look. She was a bright kid, and I expected her to excel in every subject, just like I did at her age.

However, she struggled with math. Instead of understanding her struggle, I pushed her harder, expecting her to meet my high standards.

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This created a lot of stress in our relationship. She felt that she couldn’t live up to my expectations and started distancing herself from me emotionally.

It wasn’t until a heartfelt conversation with her that I realized my mistake. I was expecting her to be a mirror image of me, rather than appreciating her unique strengths and passions.

I learned to let go of my unrealistic expectations and started encouraging her in areas where she naturally excelled. This shift brought us closer emotionally and allowed her to grow into her own person.

So remember, setting realistic expectations based on your child’s individual strengths and interests is key to maintaining a strong emotional connection as they grow older.

6) Neglecting to spend quality time

In our fast-paced lives, finding quality time to spend with our children can be a challenge. However, it’s crucial for maintaining an emotional connection as they grow older.

Quality time doesn’t necessarily mean planning elaborate outings or activities. It can be as simple as a shared meal, a walk in the park, or a cozy movie night at home.

These shared experiences create lasting bonds and give your children a sense of security and belonging. They provide opportunities for open conversation and mutual understanding.

So, no matter how busy life gets, make it a point to carve out some dedicated time for your kids. Your relationship with them will be stronger for it.

7) Conditional love and approval

The most powerful thing we can give our children as they grow older is the assurance of our unconditional love and approval. Nothing strengthens an emotional connection more than knowing that you are loved and accepted for who you are, regardless of your achievements, failures, or decisions.

When our love or approval becomes tied to their performance or behavior, it can create a sense of insecurity and strain the relationship. They may feel they constantly need to earn our love and approval, which can lead to emotional disconnection.

Loving and accepting your child unconditionally doesn’t mean condoning wrong behavior. It means standing by them, guiding them, and loving them even when they make mistakes.

This consistent reassurance of unconditional love will keep your emotional connection strong, no matter how old they get.