If you want to start emotionally connecting with your adult child, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

So, you’re feeling the distance between you and your adult child and wondering how to bridge the gap?

You’re not alone. Navigating the transition from parenting a child to connecting with an adult can be challenging, even for the most well-intentioned parents. 

What worked when they were younger might no longer resonate, and sometimes, the habits we hold onto can unknowingly create walls instead of building bridges.

The good news? Change is possible, and it starts with letting go of the behaviors that hinder emotional connection.

Here are 7 behaviors to leave behind if you want to truly connect with your adult child.

Ready to transform your relationship? Let’s dive in.

1) Over-parenting

As parents, our natural instinct is to protect and guide. Yet, this protective instinct can often morph into over-parenting, even when our children are all grown up.

Over-parenting is the practice of excessively intervening in your adult child’s life – whether it’s through unsolicited advice, doing things for them that they can do themselves, or trying to control their decisions.

While it often comes from a place of love and concern, over-parenting can create a barrier between you and your adult child.

Remember, they’re adults now. They need space to make their own decisions, and yes, even their own mistakes.

Letting go of over-parenting doesn’t mean you stop caring or supporting. It means you trust them to navigate their own life.

2) Dismissing their feelings

When it comes to emotional connection, understanding, and validating feelings play a pivotal role.

This is something I have had to learn. 

I remember when my adult daughter came to me upset about a disagreement she had with her close friend. My immediate response was to offer solutions – suggesting how she could mend the relationship or ways she could have avoided the argument in the first place.

It took a moment for me to realize that she wasn’t looking for advice or solutions. She needed someone to listen, to empathize, and validate her feelings.

In retrospect, I understand that by jumping to solutions, I was unintentionally dismissing her feelings.

When we dismiss someone’s feelings, even unintentionally, we send the message that their emotions aren’t valid or important. For adult children, this can feel particularly alienating, especially when they’re seeking understanding rather than answers.

Instead of rushing to fix the problem, try to pause and truly listen. Reflect back what they’re expressing: “That sounds really upsetting” or “I can see why you’d feel that way.” These simple acts of validation show that their emotions matter and that you’re a safe space for them to share without judgment or interruption.

3) Ignoring boundaries

We all know that in any relationship, acknowledging and respecting boundaries is fundamental. 

However, when it comes to our kids, it can be surprisingly easy to overstep—often without even realizing it.

When they were little, boundaries weren’t as relevant. You were there to guide, protect, and step in at a moment’s notice. 

But as they’ve grown into adults, those roles have shifted. Still, it’s common for parents to carry old habits into this new dynamic, whether it’s asking intrusive questions, offering unsolicited advice, or expecting them to share every detail of their lives.

Ignoring boundaries, even with the best intentions, can lead to feelings of frustration or resentment. Your adult child might start pulling away, not because they don’t value the relationship, but because they feel their autonomy isn’t being respected.

The solution?

Try to approach your interactions with curiosity and openness. Ask for permission before diving into sensitive topics, and take their cues seriously when they set limits. 

Respecting their boundaries doesn’t diminish your role as a parent—it strengthens it by showing that you trust and value them as independent adults.

4) Holding onto the past

All of our kids have done things we didn’t agree with—or even things that hurt us deeply. 

Maybe it was a rebellious phase in high school, a decision you felt was a mistake, or an argument that left emotional scars. These moments stick with us, but holding onto them can create a barrier in your relationship.

Try to focus on the present and the relationship you want to build moving forward. Let go of grudges, and if there’s unresolved hurt, approach it with openness and a willingness to heal together. 

See Also

If you want your adult children to stay close to you, say goodbye to these 8 behaviors

The past doesn’t have to define your relationship. By releasing it, you create space for growth, understanding, and a deeper bond in the here and now.

5) Neglecting to express love and appreciation

Sometimes, the simplest gestures can make the biggest impact.

In the hustle and bustle of life, we often forget to express our feelings of love and appreciation. But these simple expressions can significantly strengthen the emotional bond with your adult child.

No matter how grown-up they are, they still need to hear that you love them, that you’re proud of them, and that you appreciate them. These words can mean more than you might think.

Don’t hesitate to tell your adult child how much they mean to you. A heartfelt “I love you,” a sincere “I’m proud of you,” or a genuine “Thank you” can go a long way in nurturing your relationship.

6) Avoiding difficult conversations

Life isn’t always smooth sailing, and sometimes, we face challenges that require difficult conversations.

I recall a time when I noticed my adult son struggling with his mental health. I was terrified to bring it up, afraid of the potential confrontation or denial. But I knew that avoiding the conversation wouldn’t help him.

So, I gathered my courage and initiated a conversation about it. It was tough, and there were tears, but it opened a new level of understanding and connection between us.

Sometimes, these difficult conversations are necessary. They show your adult child that you’re there for them, even when things get tough.

Avoiding these conversations might seem easier in the short term, but it can create distance and misunderstanding in the long run.

7) Comparing them to others

Every individual is unique, with their own strengths, weaknesses, and journey. This rings true for our adult children too.

Comparing your adult child to their siblings, peers, or even to yourself at their age can be incredibly damaging. It can lead to feelings of inadequacy and resentment.

As Einstein said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” 

Your adult child is not a version of someone else; they’re their own person with a unique path. Let go of comparisons. Focus on understanding and appreciating them as the unique individual they are.