If you’ve ever felt stuck in the background or unable to take charge of your own path, certain habits might be holding you back.
Stepping into leadership requires more than just ambition—it means identifying and letting go of behaviors that keep you dependent on others.
By saying goodbye to these seven tendencies, you’ll build the mindset and confidence needed to lead with purpose. After all, before you can lead others, you must first lead yourself.
Ready to make the shift? Here’s where to start.
1) Seeking approval
Many of us are conditioned to seek validation from others. We crave for likes, comments, and shares on our social media posts, or praise and recognition in our professional lives.
This need for approval often stems from an underlying fear of rejection or a desire to fit into societal norms and expectations. This constant seeking for external validation, however, can hinder your growth as a leader.
Leaders know their worth is not tied to the opinions of others. They understand that while constructive feedback is valuable for growth, the ultimate validation should come from within.
That’s why they are not afraid to stand alone in their beliefs and decisions if they are convinced it’s the right thing to do. They are comfortable with being different, with being themselves.
Instead of trying to play a game of popularity, they have an entirely different focus — making a positive difference.
As leadership coach John Bailey writes, “When you constantly look to others for validation, your leadership loses authenticity. You begin making decisions based on what others expect from you rather than what aligns with your values.”
So if you want to start being a leader in life, cultivate a sense of self-worth that is independent of external validation, and make decisions based on your values and principles, not on what you believe will please others.
2) Avoiding responsibility
One of the behaviors that can keep you in the follower mindset is avoiding responsibility. This can manifest in different ways – blaming others for your problems, always looking for an easy way out, or simply being passive in the face of challenges.
As a leader, it’s essential to take full responsibility for your actions and their outcomes. When things go awry, instead of pointing fingers or dwelling on the problem, a leader focuses on finding solutions.
This isn’t about being hard on yourself; it’s about owning your actions, learning from your mistakes and growing from them.
It’s interesting how when things go wrong, we are quick to blame external factors or other people. But when things go right, we often attribute it to our own skills and abilities.
This is a cognitive bias known as the self-serving bias. As a leader, it’s important to be aware of this bias and strive for a more balanced perspective.
When you embrace responsibility, you not only gain respect from others but also empower yourself to take control of your life.
3) Being a perfectionist
A lot of people think that striving for perfection is a positive trait. But believe me, it’s truly not.
In fact, perfectionism can be a major roadblock in your journey to leadership because it makes you set unrealistic standards and obsessively chase something that doesn’t exist.
The result? Stress, burnout, and even paralysis from fear of making mistakes.
Leaders understand that perfection is an illusion. They know that making mistakes and experiencing failure are inevitable parts of life and growth.
Instead of striving for perfection, leaders aim for progress. They value learning, improvement, and resilience over flawless performance.
To delve deeper into this topic, I recommend checking out my video on “The Illusion of Happiness”. In this video, I explain why chasing perfection, much like pursuing happiness, can actually make you miserable. I emphasize how true contentment lies in embracing life’s challenges, nurturing meaningful relationships and staying true to oneself.
If you’re ready to start embracing imperfection and exploring a life with more purpose and freedom, consider joining over 30,000 others who have subscribed to my YouTube channel. You can subscribe here.
4) Ignoring self-care
In our fast-paced world, it’s easy to fall into the trap of constant busyness. We push ourselves to the brink, ignoring our needs for rest, nourishment, and self-care in the pursuit of success.
But in doing so, we’re not only hurting ourselves, but also limiting our potential as leaders.
Leadership requires energy, focus, and emotional resilience. If you deplete these vital resources, how can you then effectively guide others or make sound decisions?
This is why self-care is not an indulgence, but a crucial aspect of leadership. It’s about:
- Respecting your own needs and setting boundaries
- Slowing down and taking time for rest and rejuvenation
- Nourishing your body with healthy food, regular exercise, and quality sleep
- Taking care of your mental and emotional health
As leaders, we must model the importance of self-care to those around us. This not only benefits us personally but also creates a culture where wellbeing is valued and prioritized.
5) Being a passive consumer
Are you a passive participant in today’s consumer-driven society? Do you buy into trends and products without questioning their impact on our planet?
If so, it’s time to stop this habit because it’s not aligned with authentic leadership.
As a leader, it’s essential to be a conscious consumer. This means being aware of where our money goes and how our purchasing decisions affect the world around us. It’s about recognizing that every dollar we spend is a vote for the kind of world we want to live in.
This concept extends to our financial investments as well. As leaders, we have the power to direct our resources towards businesses and initiatives that promote social good, contribute to a sustainable future, and align with our deepest values.
If this concept resonates with you, I invite you to watch my video on personal freedom hacks. In it, I discuss the importance of taking control of your own happiness, defining your own success, and living life on your own terms. One key takeaway is the freedom that comes from being a conscious consumer and investor.
Remember: As leaders in life, we have a responsibility to use our power as consumers and investors wisely. It’s not just about what we get, but also what we give back.
6) Avoiding obstacles and setbacks
Real talk — no one likes facing obstacles. It’s quite common to view obstacles and setbacks as negative experiences to be avoided at all costs. But this perspective can limit our growth and potential.
Obstacles are not roadblocks on our path; they are stepping stones. They present opportunities for learning, growth, and innovation. Every challenge we face tests our resilience, sharpens our problem-solving skills, and brings out our creative potential.
Setbacks, on the other hand, are not indications of failure, but feedback. They provide valuable insights into what works and what doesn’t. They invite us to reassess our strategies, adjust our plans, and become more adaptable.
So if you want to start being a leader, it’s time to say goodbye to the habit of avoiding obstacles and setbacks. Instead, embrace them as opportunities for growth and learning. It’s not about how many times you fall, but how many times you get back up.
7) Suppressing emotions
In many societies, there’s a prevalent belief that strong leaders should always appear tough and unemotional.
We’re often taught to suppress our feelings, especially the uncomfortable ones, in order to maintain a facade of strength and control. But this belief is not only unhealthy, it’s also a barrier to authentic leadership.
Emotions are not signs of weakness; they are integral parts of our humanity. They provide valuable information about our needs, values, and experiences. Suppressing them can lead to stress, burnout, and disconnection from ourselves and others.
True leaders embrace their emotions. They allow themselves to feel and express a full range of emotions – from joy and love to anger and sadness.
They understand that vulnerability is a strength, not a liability. It creates trust, fosters connection, and encourages others to be genuine.
If this is something you struggle with, learn to honor your feelings, cultivate emotional intelligence, and lead with authenticity and compassion.
Final thoughts
Becoming a leader in life is about more than position or authority; it’s about building habits that align with your goals and values.
Letting go of behaviors that keep you in follower mode might feel challenging, but these changes open up new possibilities for growth and fulfillment. Not only will you be embracing your full potential, but you’ll also be inspiring others to do the same.
Remember, true leadership is not about power or control, but about service and empowerment. It’s about making a difference, no matter how small, in the lives of others and the world.
So, as a parting thought, I’d like to ask you to consider this: What kind of leader do you want to be? How can you use your unique gifts and talents to serve something greater than yourself?
For more insights on leadership and personal growth, consider subscribing to my YouTube channel. Together, let’s explore what it truly means to live a life with more purpose and freedom.
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