We’ve all heard the quote by Jim Rohn, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
And it’s true; the people in our lives have a powerful impact on who we become—shaping our mindset, goals, and even our self-worth.
But while it’s easy to wish for positive, inspiring connections, attracting the right people often requires us to take a closer look at ourselves first.
Sometimes, it’s our own habits and behaviors that quietly drive away the people we’d love to have closer. Without even realizing it, we may be holding on to patterns that repel genuine, supportive relationships.
Today, we’ll dive into six such behaviors.
Are any of these habits holding you back? Let’s find out.
1) Letting negativity dominate your thoughts
We all have bad days. It’s part of being human. But if you’re constantly wallowing in negativity, it’s likely to deter the kind of people you’d want to attract.
Negativity can be a powerful repellent. It pushes away people who are seeking positivity and growth, and instead, might attract those who are stuck in their own cycle of negativity.
Now, I’m not saying you have to be happy-go-lucky all the time. It’s not about faking positivity, but about consciously shifting your mindset to focus more on the positive aspects of your life and less on the negative.
Your thoughts have a way of shaping your reality. If you keep dwelling on the negative, you’re likely to keep attracting negativity.
2) Failing to set boundaries
Setting boundaries isn’t just about protecting your own peace; it’s also key to attracting the right people into your life.
As psychotherapist Linda Esposito puts it, “Having boundaries that are too rigid or too loose can lead to psychological distress and unhealthy relationships.”
When we lack clear boundaries, it can lead others to misunderstand our needs, take advantage, or feel uncertain about where they stand.
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Without boundaries, you might inadvertently invite people who are comfortable taking more than they give, while those who value mutual respect may keep their distance.
Healthy boundaries act like a filter—they attract people who respect your limits and encourage balanced, reciprocal relationships.
By clearly defining what you will and won’t accept, you communicate self-respect, and in turn, draw people who genuinely respect you too.
3) Always trying to please others
This might sound counter-intuitive, but constantly trying to please others can actually deter the right kind of people from your life.
When you’re always bending over backwards to make others happy, you might unknowingly signal that you’re willing to compromise your own needs and desires.
This can attract individuals who take advantage of your accommodating nature.
More importantly, when you’re always striving to please others, you risk losing your authentic self. You start doing things not because they align with your values, but because they make others happy.
The right people—the ones who will appreciate and respect you for who you are—value authenticity.
They are attracted to individuals who are true to themselves and aren’t afraid to voice their opinions or stand their ground.
4) Not practicing self-love
Self-love is the cornerstone of attracting the right kind of people in life. It’s about accepting yourself, flaws and all, and treating yourself with kindness and respect.
If you’re constantly criticizing yourself or comparing yourself with others, it can reflect in your interactions and relationships. It can deter people who value positivity and self-esteem.
Practicing self-love isn’t about being narcissistic or self-centered. It’s about acknowledging your worth and understanding that you deserve love and respect.
When you start treating yourself with love and compassion, you set a standard for how others should treat you. You attract people who respect and value you for who you are.
5) Avoiding difficult conversations
Confrontation can be uncomfortable. No one likes to engage in difficult conversations, whether it’s addressing a friend’s hurtful behavior or expressing discontent in a relationship.
However, avoiding these conversations can lead to resentment and miscommunication, pushing away the right kind of people.
Difficult conversations are an opportunity for growth and deeper understanding. By addressing issues head-on, you not only resolve conflicts but also demonstrate your honesty and commitment to the relationship.
There was a time when I would avoid these conversations at all costs, choosing peace over conflict resolution. But I soon realized that this was causing more harm than good.
The unsaid words and unresolved issues were creating a wall between me and the people I cared about.
So, I decided to face my fear of confrontation. It wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. The conversations helped clear the air and strengthen my relationships. They also attracted people who valued open communication and honesty.
6) Living in the past
Let’s finish with a big one.
Dwelling on past mistakes or holding onto old grudges can make us stuck and prevent us from growing. It can also create negative energy that repels people who are forward-thinking and focused on growth.
On the other hand, learning from the past and using it as a stepping stone towards a better future can make you more attractive to like-minded individuals.
It’s about shifting your focus from what has been to what can be. It’s about embracing the present and looking forward to the future with optimism and hope.
In the words of psychologist Carl Jung, “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.” So choose to learn from the past but live in the present.
Final thoughts: It begins with self-awareness
Your behaviors, thoughts, and attitudes play a crucial role in the kind of energy you emit and the people you attract.
Letting go of these behaviors isn’t about changing who you are, but about evolving into a better version of yourself.
Whether it’s saying goodbye to negativity, practicing self-love, or engaging in difficult conversations, each step brings you closer to becoming a magnet for positive relationships.
But remember that this is a journey, not a destination. There will be missteps and setbacks along the way. As psychologist Carl Rogers tells us, “The good life is a process, not a state of being. It is a direction not a destination.”
So continue navigating this journey of self-improvement and watch as you start attracting the right kind of people in your life.