If you want to keep the peace with your family over the holidays, say goodbye to these 7 behaviors

Managing family dynamics over the holidays can be a bit of a minefield. We’ve all been there – one wrong move, one misplaced comment, and suddenly it’s World War III in the living room.

Now, imagine a holiday season without any drama. Sounds impossible? Not quite. It’s all about understanding what behaviors to avoid.

Today, we delve into a what-not-to-do list for family gatherings. Trust me, it’s gonna be a game-changer.

Let’s get started.

1) Opening up old wounds

Now, we all have old grudges and past issues with family members. It’s only natural, right?

But here’s the thing: holidays are not the time to bring up these past fights. Trust me on this one, nothing ruins a festive mood faster than a heated argument about something that happened five years ago.

The goal here is simple: keep the peace.

Let bygones be bygones. If there’s an old issue that needs addressing, pick a more appropriate time – not when everyone’s gathered around the Christmas tree.

2) Letting tech take over

We’ve all been there – you’re at the dinner table or having a chat, and someone pulls out their phone and starts scrolling. It’s frustrating, isn’t it? They’re physically there, but mentally, they’re in a completely different world.

The thing is, we’ve probably all been guilty of this too. Tech is designed to grab our attention and keep it, so it’s no surprise that it often sneaks its way into moments that should be about connection.

In fact, snubbing someone in favor of your phone even has a name now: “phubbing.”

And as you might imagine, it’s not great for relationships. Studies have shown that phubbing can trigger feelings of being ignored or ostracized, creating a negative mood and tension.

The takeaway here? Leave the phone in another room or at least put it on silent. Instead of scrolling through social media, be fully present with your family. The holidays are a rare opportunity to connect face-to-face—don’t let tech take that away.

3) Bringing up controversial topics

I remember one holiday season when my cousin brought up a controversial political topic at the dinner table.

As you might have guessed, what started as a casual conversation quickly spiraled into a heated debate. The atmosphere turned sour, and let’s just say, dessert didn’t taste as sweet that night.

Now, I’m all for engaging discussions, but the holiday table isn’t the place for heavy or controversial topics. It’s about sharing laughs and stories, not arguing over politics or social issues.

So, based on my experience, I’d suggest keeping the conversation light and cheerful. Talk about your favorite holiday movies or share funny anecdotes. Let’s keep the heavy stuff for another day, shall we?

4) Not pulling your weight

Holidays are a time for togetherness, and nothing promotes unity like a good ol’ team effort.

Be it preparing the holiday meal, decorating the house, or cleaning up afterwards, these tasks can be a lot more fun when done together.

No one likes feeling like they’re doing all the work while others are lounging around. So, step in and lend a hand wherever you can.

Not only will this ease the workload for others, but it can also lead to some great bonding moments. Plus, it’s a fantastic way to show your appreciation for the effort that goes into creating a memorable holiday experience.

5) Overlooking the power of appreciation

During the hustle and bustle of the holiday season, it’s easy to overlook the simple act of saying thank you. But believe me, showing appreciation can make a world of difference.

This is well-acknowledged by experts like those at Harvard Health who have noted that “Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.”

From the family member who cooked the holiday feast to the one who spent hours decorating the house, everyone plays a part in making the holidays special.

Make it a point to express your gratitude. A heartfelt thank you can warm hearts and diffuse any potential tensions.

6) Getting all worked up when things go don’t go to plan

I’ll admit, I’ve been guilty of losing my patience during the holiday season. It’s easy to get caught up in the stress and pressure that comes with planning, prepping and making everything perfect.

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But here’s what I’ve learned: not everything will go according to plan.

The turkey might be overcooked, the gifts might not arrive on time or the weather might not cooperate. And that’s okay.

What truly matters is how you react to these situations. Losing your cool over minor hiccups won’t help, but it can certainly dampen the festive spirit.

Take a deep breath, smile and remember that it’s not about perfection, but about spending quality time with your loved ones.

7) Comparing

We’ve all heard or maybe even said things like, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” or “Your cousin is doing so well in his career.”

But as Roosevelt famously said, “Comparison is the thief of joy”. And joy, well, that’s what we are aiming for at this special time of year.

During the holiday season, it’s important to celebrate each family member’s unique qualities and achievements rather than comparing them to someone else’s. Remember, everyone is on their own journey and at their own pace.

Instead of bringing up comparisons, focus on highlighting individual strengths and accomplishments. This creates a positive environment where everyone feels valued and respected, contributing to a peaceful holiday gathering.

Final thoughts

The holidays are meant to be a time of joy, connection, and creating memories that last a lifetime. But keeping the peace during family gatherings doesn’t happen by chance—it’s about being intentional with your words, actions, and mindset.

By saying goodbye to these behaviors and embracing patience, appreciation, and presence, you’ll set the stage for a more harmonious holiday season.

It’s not about perfect meals or perfect gifts—it’s about the people you’re sharing them with.

So, as you head into the holidays, remember: a little kindness and understanding go a long way.

Here’s to a season full of love, laughter, and drama-free celebrations. Happy holidays! ✨