Relationships, especially with your kids, can be tricky. There’s a fine line between being a parent and being a friend.
The difference? Well, it all boils down to behavior. There are certain actions that, without us even realizing it, may be pushing our kids away rather than drawing them closer.
If you’re looking to strengthen that bond with your children almost instantly, there are 7 behaviors you need to kick to the curb.
Ready to find out what they are? Let’s dive right in.
1) Frequent criticizing
Parenting is by no means an easy task. It’s a balance of guiding, teaching, and nurturing.
But there’s one behavior that often slips through – criticizing their every move. It’s something many of us are guilty of, often without realizing it.
Criticizing a child can undermine their self-confidence and breed resentment. Sure, you might think you’re just pointing out areas where they can improve. But constant criticism can actually push your kids away, not pull them closer.
The solution? Replace criticism with encouragement.
Instead of highlighting their mistakes all the time, celebrate their efforts and achievements. Encourage them when they’re struggling. Show them that it’s okay to make mistakes and that they’re a part of learning.
This small shift in your behavior can make a massive difference in your relationship with your kids.
Remember, constructive encouragement, not criticism, fosters growth and builds stronger bonds.
2) Not listening actively
One mistake I made in the past, and I know many parents do too, is not truly listening to my kids. I thought I was – I’d nod my head, and throw in an occasional “mhm”, but my mind was often elsewhere.
But kids, like anyone else, crave to be heard and understood.
One day, my daughter was excitedly telling me about her school project. I was half-listening, already thinking about the pile of work waiting for me. Suddenly, she stopped talking and asked, “Mom, are you even listening?” That moment was a wake-up call for me.
From then on, I made a conscious effort to listen more actively – putting aside distractions, making eye contact, and responding thoughtfully to what they said.
The change was almost immediate. My kids started opening up more, sharing their thoughts and feelings. Our relationship got stronger and more meaningful.
So remember, when your kids talk to you, really listen. It’s one of the most sincere forms of respect you can show them.
3) Living in the past or future, not the present
We’ve all been there – worrying about the future or dwelling on past mistakes, all while missing out on the present moment.
This is particularly damaging when it comes to our relationships with our kids. Children grow up fast, and if we’re not fully present, we risk missing out on these precious years.
But there’s a solution: mindfulness.
Mindfulness is the practice of bringing our attention to the present moment. It’s about truly experiencing life as it unfolds, rather than being lost in thoughts about the past or future.
In my book, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, I share practical strategies to cultivate mindfulness in your daily life.
When we become more mindful in our interactions with our kids, we become more patient, understanding, and attuned to their needs.
So say goodbye to distractions and worries about the future or past. Embrace the present moment and fully engage with your child. You’ll be amazed at how this simple shift can transform your relationship.
4) Dismissing their feelings
It can be tempting to brush off your child’s emotions, especially when their problems seem small or overdramatic.
“You’ll get over it,” or “It’s not a big deal,” might feel like harmless phrases, but to a child, they can feel invalidating.
Dismissing their feelings, even unintentionally, sends the message that their emotions don’t matter or aren’t worth addressing.
Kids experience the world differently, and what seems minor to an adult might feel like the end of the world to them.
By dismissing their feelings, you risk creating a gap in your relationship where they feel unheard or unsupported.
Over time, this can lead to a reluctance to open up about bigger issues, as they may fear being ignored or belittled.
Instead of brushing off their emotions, try to acknowledge and validate them. Phrases like, “I can see why you’re upset,” or “That sounds really tough,” can make a huge difference.
You don’t have to solve their problems on the spot; often, just listening and showing empathy is enough.
When kids feel heard and understood, they learn that their feelings are valid—and that you’re someone they can always turn to.
5) Always being the problem solver
As parents, it’s instinctive for us to jump in and fix our kids’ problems. After all, we want to protect them from any pain or discomfort.
But here’s a counter-intuitive thought: Always being the problem solver can actually harm your relationship with your kids.
By constantly stepping in, we rob our children of the opportunity to learn how to handle challenges on their own. We inadvertently send a message that they’re incapable of dealing with their problems.
Instead, let’s guide and support them as they navigate through their issues. Ask open-ended questions that encourage them to think critically and come up with solutions on their own.
This approach not only strengthens their problem-solving skills but also boosts their confidence. And in the process, your relationship with your child becomes more of a partnership based on respect and mutual growth.
6) Neglecting “me time”
As parents, we often put our children’s needs ahead of our own. It’s natural to want to give them all our time and energy. But, neglecting self-care can lead to burnout, making us less effective parents.
As the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. Taking some time for yourself isn’t selfish; it’s necessary.
Whether it’s reading a book, going for a walk, or simply enjoying a quiet cup of coffee, “me time” allows you to recharge and be the best parent you can be.
When we’re well-rested and happy, we’re more patient, understanding, and present – all qualities of a great parent. So, if you want to improve your relationship with your kids almost instantly, don’t forget to take care of yourself too.
7) Forgetting to say “I love you”
Lastly, how often do you tell your kids you love them? It’s easy to assume they know—after all, you show it through your actions, right?
But kids, especially younger ones, need to hear those three words out loud. When you forget to say “I love you,” it can create a subtle disconnect, even if your love for them is obvious in everything you do.
Saying “I love you” isn’t just a formality—it’s a way to reassure your kids that they matter to you, no matter what. It’s especially important during tough moments, like after a disagreement or when they’ve made a mistake.
Hearing those words reminds them that your love isn’t conditional on their behavior or achievements; it’s a constant they can count on.
If you feel awkward saying it or simply forget in the hustle of daily life, try building it into your routine.
Say it before bed, after a hug, or as they head out the door for school. It doesn’t have to be a grand gesture—just a simple reminder that they are loved. Over time, these small words can strengthen your bond in ways you might not even realize.
After all, love is the strongest foundation any parent-child relationship can have.
The essence: Love and mindfulness
When we strip it all down to the basics, the relationship with our children hinges on two pillars: love and mindfulness.
Expressing love, both verbally and through our actions, reassures our kids of their value and place in our lives. It creates a secure environment where they can grow and thrive.
Mindfulness, on the other hand, allows us to be truly present with our kids. It encourages us to listen actively, validate their emotions, and guide them without overshadowing their journey.
In my book, The Art of Mindfulness: A Practical Guide to Living in the Moment, I delve deeper into how mindfulness can transform not just our parenting, but our lives as a whole.
As we say goodbye to the behaviors that hinder our relationship with our kids, let’s remember that change is a process. There may be setbacks, but each step, no matter how small, brings us closer to a better relationship with our children.
So let’s embark on this journey of mindful parenting, filled with love and understanding. Because at the end of the day, that’s what our children will remember – the love we shared and the moments we truly lived together.
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