If you want to build stronger relationships with your friends as you get older, say goodbye to these behaviors

When you’re young, your friendships can survive pretty much anything. A silly fight? Forgotten in a day. A misunderstanding? Resolved with a quick chat. But as you age, things get a bit trickier.

Why does this happen? Because life gets more complicated and so do we.

As we journey through adulthood, our patience wears thin, our time becomes precious, and our tolerance for certain behaviors dwindles. And if we want to maintain strong relationships with our friends during this phase, there are some behaviors we simply need to let go of.

Here’s the deal: if you want to build stronger friendships as you grow older, be ready to say goodbye to these behaviors. Trust me, it’s worth it.

1) Ignoring boundaries

Boundaries are as crucial in friendships as they are in any other relationship. As you get older, your needs and priorities change, and so do those of your friends.

Ignoring these changes can lead to misunderstandings and resentment. Disregarding a friend’s wish to have some alone time, calling at inappropriate hours, or insisting on topics they’re uncomfortable with – these are all boundary violations.

I get it, when we’re younger, we tend to have fewer boundaries with our friends. We share everything, go everywhere together. But as we age, things change. It’s normal.

Recognizing and respecting these new boundaries is key to maintaining strong friendships. It’s not always easy to adjust, but it’s worth it. Your friends will feel respected and understood, leading to a stronger bond.

Remember, boundaries aren’t walls keeping you out. They’re guidelines helping you to nurture the friendship in the best possible way. And that’s a good thing!

2) Neglecting communication

We all know that communication is the backbone of any good relationship. But as we get older, we often forget this fundamental rule in our friendships.

I remember a time when my best friend and I drifted apart because we stopped communicating effectively. We were both caught up in our own lives, dealing with work pressures and family responsibilities.

Our conversations became less frequent, and when we did talk, it was usually quick catch-ups without any real depth. The once vibrant bond we had started to fade away.

It was a wake-up call for both of us. We realized that we needed to make an effort to not just talk, but actually communicate – share our fears, dreams, triumphs, and failures. We needed to keep that emotional connection alive.

And guess what? It worked. Our friendship bounced back stronger than ever.

So, if you want to strengthen your friendships as you age, ensure you’re really communicating. And by that, I mean more than just exchanging pleasantries or sharing funny memes. Dive deeper, be there for each other emotionally – it’s worth the effort.

3) Holding on to grudges

Did you know that the human brain tends to remember negative events more vividly than positive ones? It’s a survival mechanism that helps us avoid harmful situations in the future. But, it can also lead us to hold onto grudges, which is detrimental to our relationships.

As we grow older, the potential for misunderstandings and disagreements with friends increases. If we let these negative moments define our relationships and keep bringing up past conflicts, it can strain the friendship.

Letting go of these grudges doesn’t mean you’re condoning bad behavior. It simply means that you value the friendship more than the conflict. It’s about choosing understanding and compassion over resentment.

Remember, we all make mistakes and it’s crucial to forgive, not just for the sake of the relationship, but also for your own peace of mind.

4) Being a fair-weather friend

A fair-weather friend is someone who’s there during the good times but vanishes during the bad. It’s easy to be around when everything’s fun and games, but it’s during the tough times that true friendships are tested.

As we age, we face bigger challenges – health issues, career setbacks, personal losses. These are the times when we need our friends the most. If you’re only around for the parties and celebrations, but disappear when your friend is going through a rough patch, it can damage the friendship.

Being there for your friends doesn’t always mean you have to solve their problems. Sometimes, it’s just about listening, offering a comforting word, or just being present.

Remember, a strong friendship isn’t about being there when it’s convenient; it’s about being there when it’s not.

5) Over-reliance on social media

In this digital age, it’s all too easy to let social media become the main mode of communication with our friends. I’m guilty of this too. A like here, a comment there, a quick message to wish them on their birthday. But it’s important to remember that social media can’t replace real human interaction.

I’ve noticed that when I spend more time interacting with my friends in person or even over a phone call, our bond deepens. There’s something about hearing their laughter, seeing their expressions, or just feeling their presence that a digital platform can’t replicate.

I’m not saying you should abandon social media. It’s a great tool to stay connected, especially when physical meetings are not possible. But don’t let it be the only way you communicate.

Make an effort to meet your friends in person, call them up, or even write them a letter. Trust me, these little efforts can go a long way in strengthening your relationships as you age.

6) Avoiding arguments

No one likes arguments, right? They’re uncomfortable, stressful, and generally unpleasant. It’s tempting to avoid disagreements altogether, especially with friends. You might think it’s better for the friendship.

But here’s the twist: avoiding arguments can actually harm your relationships in the long run.

Disagreements are a natural part of any relationship. They show that you care enough about the friendship to express your feelings honestly. Avoiding them entirely can lead to bottled up resentment or misunderstandings.

The key is not to eliminate disagreements, but to handle them constructively. That means listening to each other, expressing your viewpoint respectfully, and finding a solution together.

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So, don’t shy away from disagreements. See them as opportunities to understand your friends better and strengthen your bond.

7) Forgetting to celebrate successes

Our lives are filled with ups and downs. We often seek our friends’ support during the hard times, but it’s just as important to share and celebrate the good times with them.

You might think that celebrating your successes might come off as bragging. But in a true friendship, your wins are their wins too. Your friends want to see you happy and successful.

When we’re young, every small win seems like a big deal and we naturally share it with our friends. As we get older, we tend to downplay our successes or forget to share them at all.

So, remember to celebrate your achievements with your friends. It could be as simple as a promotion at work, reaching a personal goal, or even finally mastering that tricky recipe. Not only does it foster positivity, but it also brings joy to your friends and strengthens your bond.

8) Not making time for each other

This is the big one. As we get older, our lives become busier. Careers, family, responsibilities – they all demand our time. And often, our friendships take a back seat.

But no matter how busy you are, it’s essential to make time for your friends. Remember, friendships need nurturing to survive and thrive. And the best way to nurture a friendship is by spending quality time together.

It doesn’t always have to be grand gestures or long vacations together. Sometimes, a simple coffee catch-up, a quick phone call, or even a heartfelt text message can do the trick.

So, no matter what life throws at you, always make time for your friends. Because at the end of the day, it’s these relationships that enrich our lives and make the journey worthwhile.

Reflection: The art of friendship

If you’ve journeyed with me this far, you’ve probably realized that building stronger relationships with our friends as we age is more about self-improvement than changing others.

Because the essence of friendship isn’t about perfection. It’s about growth, understanding, and compassion. It’s about recognizing our own flaws and working on them for the sake of our relationships.

As the great Helen Keller once said, “I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light.”

This underscores the value of true friendship. And if we aspire to maintain such friendships as we age, it starts with us making the necessary changes and letting go of behaviors that hinder our relationships.

So, as you step back into your life after reading this, take a moment to reflect on your own friendships. Are there behaviors you need to let go of? Changes you need to make?

Remember, every step you take towards becoming a better friend enriches not just your friendships, but your life as a whole. And that’s worth all the effort in the world.

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Ava Sinclair

Ava Sinclair is a former competitive athlete who transitioned into the world of wellness and mindfulness. Her journey through the highs and lows of competitive sports has given her a unique perspective on resilience and mental toughness. Ava’s writing reflects her belief in the power of small, daily habits to create lasting change.

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