There’s a fine art to being a hero in your child’s eyes.
Yes, showing up for the big moments or playing the part of the wise and all-knowing parent are very important, but it’s the everyday behaviors that build or break the pedestal they put you on.
I used to think being a “supermom” meant having all the answers, but now I know it’s more about being willing to learn, grow, and sometimes even admit that you don’t have it all figured out.
So, if you’ve ever wondered why your child starts to look at you a little differently as they get older, it might just be time to take stock.
Here are nine behaviors that can chip away at that hero status, and why letting go of them might just help you become the parent your child truly needs.
1) Being overly authoritarian
Parenting is not about ruling with an iron fist.
In fact, being overly authoritarian can cause resentment and distance between you and your child. It’s an easy trap to fall into – wanting to control every aspect of your child’s life in order to protect them.
But what we must remember is that children need room to grow and make their own mistakes.
When you’re always dictating their actions, they aren’t given the chance to learn from their own experiences. They might start seeing you as a dictator rather than a mentor.
To be your child’s hero, you need to strike a balance. Set boundaries and rules, but also allow them the freedom to explore within these boundaries.
This way, you’re not just a parent who imposes rules, but a guide who helps them navigate through life’s ups and downs.
2) Dismissing their feelings
We’ve all been there. Your child is upset over something that seems trivial to you.
Maybe they’re crying because they can’t find their favorite toy, or they’re angry because their sibling broke their crayon. It’s easy to dismiss these feelings as unimportant.
I remember when my son, Jacob, was five years old. He’d come home from school, upset because his best friend didn’t want to play with him during recess.
I was quick to brush off his feelings, saying things like “Don’t worry, he’ll want to play with you tomorrow,” or “There are plenty of other kids to play with.”
But over time, I realized that by dismissing his feelings, I was invalidating his experiences. To him, these issues were a big deal.
So, I changed my approach. I began to acknowledge his feelings and provided comfort. I’d say things like “I understand that you’re upset because your friend didn’t want to play with you. That must feel really hard.”
This shift in my behavior made a huge difference. Jacob started to see me as someone who understood and valued his feelings, rather than someone who dismissed them.
If you want to be your child’s hero as they grow up, it’s essential to validate their feelings, no matter how small their concerns may seem.
3) Comparing them to others
We live in a competitive world, where it’s common to measure success in comparison to others. But when this mentality seeps into our parenting, it can be damaging to our children’s self-esteem.
When we compare our children to others – whether it’s their siblings, friends, or classmates – we’re inadvertently sending them a message that they are not good enough as they are.
Psychologists agree that children who are often compared with others by their parents are more likely to suffer from low self-esteem, anxiety, and depression.
To be seen as a hero in your child’s eyes, it’s vital that you appreciate them for who they are. Celebrate their unique qualities and achievements, without comparing them to others.
4) Not following through on promises
We all know how easy it is to make a promise, but following through can sometimes be a challenge.
Whether it’s a promise to take them to the park on the weekend or to help them build a model airplane, when you don’t follow through, it chips away at your child’s trust in you.
Your child looks up to you and trusts you implicitly. Each time a promise is broken, it sends them a message that they cannot rely on you.
To be your child’s hero, consistency is key. If you make a promise, do everything in your power to keep it. And if for some reason you can’t, take the time to explain why and apologize.
Saying goodbye to broken promises not only helps build trust but also teaches your child the importance of responsibility and dependability.
5) Neglecting self-care
As parents, we often put our kids first. We forget that taking care of ourselves is just as important.
You might think that self-care is a luxury you can’t afford, or that it’s selfish to take time for yourself when your child needs you. But remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.
Your child looks to you not only for love and support but also for an example of how to live. If they see you neglecting your own needs and well-being, they might grow up thinking that self-neglect is normal.
To be your child’s hero, it’s important to model self-care. Show them that it’s okay to take time for oneself and that taking care of our physical, mental, and emotional health is a priority.
Saying goodbye to neglecting self-care won’t just benefit you; it will also set a positive example for your child.
6) Failing to admit mistakes
Nobody is perfect, not even parents. We all make mistakes. What sets a hero apart, however, is the willingness to admit those mistakes and make amends.
When we mess up, it’s easy to let pride get in the way and pretend that we did nothing wrong. But this can hurt our children and set a wrong example.
Our children learn from us. If they see us failing to admit our mistakes, they might grow up thinking it’s unacceptable to be wrong and that admitting fault is a sign of weakness.
On the contrary, admitting our mistakes shows strength of character and teaches our children humility, honesty, and responsibility.
Remember that time when you snapped at your child after a stressful day at work? Or when you accidentally forgot their school recital?
Rather than brushing it under the carpet, apologize and speak about how you plan to avoid such mistakes in future.
To be your child’s hero, make it a point to say goodbye to failing to admit mistakes. Show them that it’s okay to be wrong and that we grow by acknowledging our mistakes and learning from them.
7) Not listening actively
Communication is a two-way street. It’s crucial that you listen to your child.
I realized this the hard way when my daughter, Emily, started losing interest in sharing her day with me. I’d ask her about school, but she would give me short, unenthusiastic answers.
One day, I decided to switch off my phone and really pay attention to what she was saying. I engaged in her stories, asked questions, and showed genuine interest.
The change in her response was immediate. She started opening up more and seemed happier that I was truly listening.
It taught me a valuable lesson: our children need to know that their words matter, that they’re being heard.
If you want to be your child’s hero, start by becoming an active listener. Show your child that their thoughts, feelings, and words are important. Say goodbye to distractions and half-hearted responses – it’s time to listen actively.
8) Over-scheduling their lives
In our eagerness to give our kids the best, we sometimes end up over-scheduling their lives with numerous activities, classes, and playdates.
While it’s important to expose them to varied experiences and opportunities, an overly packed schedule can cause stress and take away from their free time.
Children need time to play, imagine, create, and even get bored. It’s during these unstructured times that they learn to be self-reliant, explore their interests, and develop creativity.
If you want to remain a hero in your child’s eyes as they grow older, say goodbye to over-scheduling their lives.
Allow them the time and space to just be kids. Provide structure but also ensure they have enough free time for unstructured play and relaxation.
9) Forgetting to show love and affection
At the heart of it all, your child needs to feel loved. They need to know that they are cherished and valued, no matter what.
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to assume that our kids know we love them. But they need more than assumptions; they need demonstrations.
Hugs, kisses, words of affirmation, quality time – these are all ways we can show our children that we love them.
Even on busy days, take a moment to express your love, whether it’s a simple “I love you,” a hug before bed, or taking time to read their favorite book together.
If you want to be your child’s hero as they grow older, make sure you say goodbye to forgetting to show love and affection.
Let love be at the core of your relationship with your child. It’s the most powerful way to stay their hero – today, tomorrow, and always.
Final thoughts
Trust me, your children do not need a flawless superhero who never stumbles. They want a real human—messy, loving, learning, and growing right alongside them.
The truth is, we don’t need to have all the answers or pretend we’re invincible. What our kids really need is for us to show up with honesty, love, and the willingness to change when we get it wrong.
Letting go of these behaviors won’t happen overnight—it’s more of a work-in-progress than a one-and-done transformation.
But if we can learn to listen more, love openly, and show them it’s okay to be imperfect, we might just earn the hero status we’re striving for.
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