Struggling to keep your social circle strong as you get older? You’re not alone. As we age, some of the habits we’ve developed might be doing more harm than good when it comes to staying popular.
In fact, research from the American Psychological Association shows that being adaptable is key to maintaining strong relationships as we get older.
But here’s the thing: there are everyday habits you might not even realize are pushing people away.
From always being glued to your phone to neglecting meaningful conversations, these habits can sneak up on anyone.
In this article, we’ll highlight nine common behaviors that could be quietly hurting your social life—and what you can do to change them and stay socially relevant, no matter your age.
1) Being too focused on yourself
I used to think that being popular was all about being the most interesting person in the room.
But the reality is, it’s not about how interesting you are; it’s about how interested you are in others.
Some time ago, my ego was preventing me from connecting with people on a deeper level. I was too focused on myself, my accomplishments, and my image.
I was so caught up in trying to impress others that I forgot to actually engage with them.
But when I started to let go of my ego and show genuine interest in others, something incredible happened: people started to gravitate towards me.
Instead of dominating conversations, I started listening more. I began asking questions, showing empathy, and making an effort to understand the perspectives of others.
And guess what? People loved it.
If you find yourself constantly trying to be the center of attention, take a step back and try focusing on others instead.
You’d be surprised at how much more popular you become when you start showing genuine interest in the people around you.
2) Negativity
If increasing your popularity as you get older is a goal, then another habit to let go of is negativity.
Constantly seeing the world through a pessimistic lens can push people away and make it difficult to form meaningful connections.
Negativity not only affects how others perceive you, but it also takes a toll on your own happiness and sense of fulfillment.
Psychologist Dr. Martin Seligman offers a useful insight: “The good life is using your signature strengths every day to produce authentic happiness and abundant gratification.”
His words highlight the importance of focusing on your strengths and cultivating positivity in your daily life, both of which are essential for fostering better relationships and increasing your likability.
To break free from negativity, start practicing gratitude by reflecting on the positive aspects of your day.
Additionally, shifting focus from your weaknesses or failures to your strengths can help create a more optimistic outlook.
People are naturally drawn to positivity, and by letting go of negative habits, you’ll likely notice that your interactions become more enjoyable and your connections with others deepen.
3) The fear of being different
Another habit to let go of if you want to become more popular as you get older is the fear of being different.
Many people fall into the trap of believing that to be liked, they need to blend in, conforming to the tastes and opinions of those around them. However, this often leads to shallow connections and a lack of fulfillment.
The truth is, trying to fit in at all costs can stifle your individuality and prevent you from forming genuine relationships.
People are more drawn to authenticity and uniqueness than to someone who merely echoes the crowd.
By embracing what makes you different—whether it’s a particular passion, hobby, or perspective—you invite others to connect with the real you.
For example, sharing your love for a specific interest, like psychology or cultural experiences, might initially seem risky, but it often leads to deeper conversations and connections with people who appreciate your true self.
Authenticity, rather than conformity, is what attracts meaningful friendships.
4) The need to always be right
Many people believe that winning arguments or proving their point earns them respect, but in reality, this often alienates others.
The desire to be right can create unnecessary tension and prevent genuine connections from forming.
Research on cognitive biases and brain biology helps explain why this happens. According to a study from the University of Connecticut, people tend to hold onto their beliefs even when confronted with contradictory facts.
This phenomenon, known as belief perseverance, occurs because our brains are hard-wired to protect us from feeling wrong or attacked.
When challenged, the brain releases stress hormones like cortisol, which make us defensive. Meanwhile, the pleasure hormone dopamine is triggered when we win an argument, reinforcing this habit.
It’s important to become aware of this behavior and recognize that this resistance not only impairs personal growth but also damages relationships, as others may see it as stubborn or dismissive.
To become more likable, practice active listening and be open to admitting when you’re wrong. Acknowledging others’ viewpoints and showing humility can improve your interactions and make you more approachable.
5) Being judgmental
Similarly, passing quick judgments on people based on their appearance, lifestyle choices, or opinions can create barriers and distance in relationships.
While it might seem like judgment offers a better understanding of someone, it actually prevents deeper connections and leaves people feeling misunderstood or undervalued.
Instead of judging, it’s important to cultivate a mindset of acceptance and curiosity. Recognizing that everyone has different experiences, values, and perspectives allows for more meaningful interactions.
When you let go of judgment, people are more likely to open up and share their authentic selves, leading to stronger and more fulfilling relationships.
6) Constant complaining
While venting frustrations might feel justified, it can make others see you as a negative presence, someone who focuses too much on problems and not enough on solutions.
This kind of negativity can drain the energy of conversations and push people away.
Instead of focusing on what’s wrong, try to focus on what’s right, even in challenging situations.
Gratitude, mindfulness, and reframing negative thoughts are effective ways to reduce the urge to complain.
Reframing complaints into constructive conversations or focusing on gratitude can make a big difference in how others perceive you and how much they want to spend time with you.
So, if you find yourself falling into a pattern of complaining, try to pause and reconsider your approach. You might find that your social circle expands as people start enjoying your company more.
7) People pleasing
The last habit to abandon on the path to greater popularity is the tendency to people-please.
We often assume that pleasing everyone will make us more likable, but in reality, it often leads to burnout, frustration, and a loss of authenticity.
Constantly trying to please others can make you seem inauthentic or passive, causing people to question whether you truly mean what you say or if you’re just trying to avoid conflict.
People appreciate honesty and authenticity more than blind agreement. Being assertive, setting boundaries, and expressing your genuine thoughts and feelings, even when they differ from others’, can actually gain you more respect.
Authenticity fosters trust, and those who trust you are more likely to value your company.
Learning to say “no” when something doesn’t align with your values or interests is key. People will appreciate you for being real and standing up for what you believe in.
