Aging has a way of shifting our priorities, doesn’t it?
I never thought much about how my relationship with my kids would change as they grew older—until it did.
Suddenly, I wasn’t just their guide and protector but someone learning to walk alongside them as equals.
What I’ve come to realize is that maintaining a strong bond in our golden means letting go of habits that no longer serve us.
In this piece, I want to share eight behaviors that can get in the way of a closer, more loving relationship with your adult children. Let’s talk about how small shifts can make all the difference.
1) Stop assuming you know everything
As we age, we tend to assume that our life experiences have taught us all there is to know.
But the thing is, your children are living in a different era and facing unique challenges.
Assuming you know everything can create a wall between you and your children. It can make them feel like their experiences are being invalidated or overlooked.
Respecting their views and listening to their perspectives can go a long way in strengthening your bond. You don’t have to agree with everything they say, but rather understand their point of view.
It doesn’t really matter who’s right or wrong. What’s really important here is fostering an environment of mutual respect and understanding.
This will not only boost your relationship but also encourage your children to come to you with their problems and concerns.
So next time when you’re tempted to jump in with advice or your opinion, take a step back. Listen first, understand and then respond.
It might take some practice, but the rewards are definitely worth it.
2) Let go of the need for control
I remember the time when my daughter was applying for her first job. She was fresh out of college and excited about the new phase of her life.
I, on the other hand, was anxious. I wanted to guide her every step of the way, from choosing the right company to preparing for interviews.
But then I realized that my need for control was not helping. It was stifling her and creating unnecessary tension between us.
She felt like she couldn’t make a decision without my approval, and that was not what I wanted.
So, I decided to take a step back. Instead of telling her what to do, I started asking her how she felt about things. I would share my experiences but let her make the final decision.
And trust me, it made all the difference!
Our conversations became more open and relaxed. She started sharing more about her life and asking for advice when she needed it.
And most importantly, our bond grew stronger.
As your children grow older, they need your guidance, not control. Trust them to make their own decisions and be there to support them when needed.
Letting go of control can be tough, but it’s necessary for cultivating a healthy relationship with your children.
3) Avoid giving unsolicited advice
Did you know that studies have shown that people are more likely to reject advice if it’s unsolicited, even if it’s good advice? It’s true.
Research shows that unsolicited recommendations, especially those that contradict initial impressions, can activate a psychological reactant state.
This reactance stems from our deep-seated need for independence and autonomy, leading to a behavioral backlash where the advice is often outright rejected.
Unsolicited advice can feel like a criticism or an infringement on autonomy, which is why it often causes tension in relationships.
This is particularly noticeable in parent-child dynamics, as children grow into adults and seek to assert their independence.
So, try to resist the urge to offer advice unless explicitly asked.
4) Drop the “I told you so” attitude
It’s natural to want to point out when we were right about something – especially when it comes to our children.
However, this attitude can do more harm than good.
Saying “I told you so” does nothing but create resentment and distance. It turns a learning experience into a moment of shame, which can discourage your children from sharing their failures or struggles with you in the future.
Instead, treat these moments as opportunities for growth. Show empathy and offer support. Let them know that everyone makes mistakes and it’s part of life.
Your role as a parent is not just to guide, but also about to provide comfort and assurance during tough times.
The more supportive you are, the more your children will feel comfortable sharing their life with you, strengthening your bond as they age.
5) Respect their adulthood
It’s a beautiful journey to watch your little ones grow into adults.
But with this transition, comes a necessary shift in your relationship. Your children are no longer just your kids; they are adults with their own lives, dreams, and responsibilities.
Respecting their adulthood requires redefining your relationship. So acknowledge their growth, respect their decisions and support their independence.
There’s a profound beauty in seeing your children handle life with maturity. It’s a testament to the values and life skills you’ve instilled in them.
It can be challenging to let go of the parental instincts to protect and guide at every step. But this is a crucial step towards building a tighter bond with your children as you age.
Seeing them as equals and respecting their adulthood will create an environment of mutual trust and respect, strengthening your relationship even more.
6) Be open about your own mistakes
There was a time when I made a significant financial mistake. It was a bad investment that cost me quite a bit.
Initially, I was hesitant to share this with my children. I felt like I had to be this perfect role model for them.
But then, I chose to open up about it. It was a humbling experience. We had a long conversation about financial responsibility, risks, and the importance of learning from our mistakes.
Sharing my own failures gave my children a different perspective.
They saw that it’s okay to make mistakes, and more importantly, it’s crucial to learn from them.
This openness brought us closer. It showed them that I’m human too, with my own set of challenges and shortcomings.
7) Avoid comparing them to others
Comparison is often said to be the thief of joy.
And when it comes to your relationship with your children, it can also be the thief of harmony.
According to psychologists, comparing your children to others can damage their self-esteem and emotional wellbeing. It can create unnecessary pressure and resentment.
It can make them feel like they’re constantly being judged against a benchmark, and that their individuality is not valued.
Instead of comparing, celebrate their unique strengths and qualities. Encourage them to be the best version of themselves, not a copy of someone else.
Let them know that you appreciate and love them for who they are.
This acceptance and affirmation will foster a sense of security and strengthen your bond with your children as you age.
8) Show unconditional love and support
At the end of the day, this is what matters the most. No matter how old your children get, they will always need your love and support.
This doesn’t mean agreeing with everything they do or say. It means standing by them through their ups and downs, successes and failures.
It means letting them know that they can always count on you, regardless of the circumstances.
Unconditional love and support fosters a sense of security and belonging. It makes your children feel valued and appreciated for who they are.
Remember, your love and support is the strongest foundation you can provide for a lasting bond with your children as you grow older.
Final thoughts
I’ve found that growing older with my kids is a journey of evolving together.
The truth is, the bond we share isn’t built on perfection; it’s built on moments of understanding, humility, and love.
When we let go of behaviors that create distance and embrace those that nurture connection, we open the door to a deeper relationship that feels authentic and fulfilling.
Here’s what sticks with me most: it’s never too late to show up differently.
Whether it’s offering fewer unsolicited opinions or being honest about our own missteps, these simple shifts can turn ordinary interactions into meaningful exchanges.
And through it all, love is the thread that ties us together.
Not the kind of love that demands or controls but the kind that listens, supports, and sees them for who they are now.
What could be more rewarding than growing older with your children by your side, not out of obligation but out of choice?
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