You know, there’s a certain comfort in long-term relationships—the shared routines, inside jokes, and those little quirks only you and your partner understand.
But sometimes, that comfort can feel a little too comfortable, like your favorite sweater that’s starting to lose its shape.
I’ve been there, caught between feeling grateful for the stability and craving… well, something more.
If you’ve ever found yourself questioning where that spark went, it might be time to look a little closer. So, let’s take a look at nine signs that could mean you’re not just comfortable—you’re getting a little restless.
1) You’re constantly seeking excitement elsewhere
Let’s face it, we all crave a bit of adventure in our lives. But when you’re in a relationship, most of that excitement should come from being with your partner.
Now, if you find yourself consistently seeking thrill outside your relationship, it might be a sign that something is off.
This doesn’t necessarily mean you’re having an affair or engaging in reckless behavior.
It could simply be that you’re spending more time with friends, taking up new hobbies, or even burying yourself in work to avoid facing the stagnation in your relationship.
Yes, having a life outside of your relationship is healthy. But when it becomes a distraction from the problems within your relationship, it’s time to reassess.
2) Everything they do annoys you
Years ago, I was in a relationship where every little thing my partner did started to annoy me.
Even the smallest actions, like the way he chewed his food or how he left his shoes in the hallway, became a source of irritation.
I remember thinking it was just me being overly sensitive. But looking back, I realize it was a clear sign that I was bored and restless in the relationship.
When you’re truly happy and satisfied in a relationship, these little quirks might make you smile or laugh.
They become part of what you love about your partner. But when you’re restless, they can suddenly seem like the most annoying habits in the world.
So if you find yourself getting easily annoyed by your partner’s actions or habits, it might be time to take a step back and evaluate your feelings.
3) You’re fantasizing about being single
There’s a psychological phenomenon where people often crave what they don’t have. It’s a natural part of human behavior, and it extends to relationships as well.
When you’re in a relationship, it’s normal to occasionally miss the freedom and independence that comes with being single.
But when these fantasies become frequent, it might be a signal that you’re feeling trapped or unfulfilled in your relationship.
Daydreaming about being single doesn’t mean wanting to date other people.
It might just be an indication of your desire for more autonomy, personal growth, or new experiences that you feel are currently lacking in your relationship.
It’s vital to address these feelings instead of ignoring them, as they can provide key insights into what you truly want from your relationship and life.
4) Conversations feel like a chore
In any relationship, communication is key. It’s how you connect, share experiences, and resolve issues.
But what happens when these conversations start feeling like a chore? When every discussion feels like you’re climbing a steep hill with no end in sight?
This could be another sign that you’re getting restless in your relationship.
Whether it’s struggling to find common topics to talk about or feeling exhausted after every discussion, it might be an indication that the connection is dwindling.
If you find yourself avoiding conversations with your partner, preferring silence over interaction, it’s time to reassess the situation.
5) You’re no longer excited about future plans
Planning for the future is a staple in any long-term relationship. Dreaming together, setting common goals, and looking forward to shared experiences is a big part of any couple’s life.
But if the thought of future plans with your partner no longer excites you or even fills you with dread, it could be a sign that you’re getting restless.
Maybe the idea of a vacation together seems more exhausting than exciting, or the thought of progressing to the next level in your relationship (like moving in together or getting engaged) feels more like a burden than a joy.
This lack of enthusiasm for future plans might indicate that you’re not just bored, but also anxious about the direction your relationship is taking.
It’s worth taking the time to explore these feelings and understand what they mean for your relationship.
6) You feel more alone when you’re with them
At their core, relationships offer companionship, a sense of having someone who’s there for both your happiest and hardest moments.
But what happens when you start feeling alone even when you’re with your partner? When their presence feels more like a void than a comfort? Esther Perel mentions a few possible reasons here, but it could also be restlessness.
It’s like being lost at sea with no land in sight. You’re there, together, but the emotional connection seems to have drifted away.
It’s a tough realization, but an important one. Feeling alone in a relationship can lead to a deep sense of unhappiness and dissatisfaction.
7) You’re avoiding physical intimacy
There was a time when I found myself shying away from physical intimacy with my partner.
It wasn’t that I lost attraction or was experiencing a low sex drive. It was more complex than that.
I realized that I was avoiding those moments of closeness because they felt forced and unnatural. It was as if I was trying to convince myself that everything was fine when it wasn’t.
More than just a physical act, intimacy represents emotional closeness, openness, and the sharing of love.
When you start avoiding it, it could be a sign that you’re feeling disconnected or restless in your relationship.
It’s not an easy sign to confront, but it’s crucial to acknowledge it and understand what’s causing this shift in your feelings.
8) You’re constantly comparing your relationship to others
We all have a tendency to compare our lives to others’, and relationships are no exception. According to psychologists, a little comparison can sometimes be healthy, providing perspective and inspiration.
However, if you find yourself constantly comparing your relationship to others’, it could indicate a deeper issue.
Maybe you’re noticing the happiness, excitement, or even the arguments in other relationships and wishing yours was more like theirs.
This constant comparison might be a sign that you’re not satisfied with your current relationship status. You might be longing for something different or feeling restless with what you have.
9) You’re reading articles about being bored and restless in a relationship
Ultimately, the fact that you’re here, reading this article, might be the most telling sign of all.
It shows that you’re concerned about your feelings and that something in your relationship is causing you unease.
It’s a brave step to start recognizing and confronting these feelings. It shows a willingness to understand and possibly make changes to improve your situation.
It’s completely normal to go through periods of restlessness in any relationship. The key is to not ignore these signs but to address them head-on.
Final thoughts
I used to think that feeling restless meant there was something “wrong” with my relationship.
But now I see it differently. Sometimes, restlessness isn’t a sign to give up—it’s a signal to tune in, to listen to what you need, and to ask yourself if there’s a part of you that’s longing for growth.
Relationships, like everything else, change and evolve.
And maybe the real question is, are you and your partner growing together or just growing comfortable?
Take the time to ask yourself these questions, not just for the sake of your relationship but for you.
Because in the end, the best relationships aren’t the ones where we’re just content—they’re the ones where we’re inspired, challenged, and truly alive.
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