“You wouldn’t worry so much about what others think of you if you realized how seldom they do.”
That quote from Eleanor Roosevelt always stuck with me because, like many people, I’ve spent way too much time caring about what others thought.
I’d overanalyze my words, my actions, even my appearance, all in an effort to avoid judgment or rejection.
Sound familiar?
The truth is, when you’re overly concerned about others’ opinions, it can hold you back in ways you might not even realize. It’s exhausting and limiting.
If you’re wondering whether you fall into this trap, here are eight signs that might reveal just how much weight you’re giving to other people’s thoughts.
1) You’re constantly seeking approval
We all want to be liked and appreciated, don’t we? But when this desire for approval starts to dictate your decisions, actions and even your self-worth, it’s time to pause and reflect.
If you’re always looking for validation from others before making any decision or taking any step, you’re letting them control your life. It’s like handing over the steering wheel of your life to someone else.
A healthy concern for what others think doesn’t restrict your actions or change your decisions.
But if you’re altering your path based on the slightest hint of disapproval from people around you, then it’s probably a sign that you’re a bit too concerned about what others think of you.
It’s important to remind yourself that everyone has different opinions and you can’t please everyone all the time.
Your decisions should be driven by your values, beliefs and personal goals, not by the fear of others’ judgement.
2) You’re constantly changing your opinions
I recall a time when I was discussing a movie with some friends. Now, I personally loved the movie. I thought the storyline was compelling and the performances were top notch.
But then, one of my friends said she thought it was boring and predictable.
Before I knew it, I found myself agreeing with her, changing my opinion on the spot just to fit in with the group consensus. It hit me later that I had altered my own viewpoint to avoid disagreement or conflict.
Changing your opinions based on what you think others want to hear or because you fear being judged for having a different perspective is another clear sign you’re overly concerned about what others think.
Real talk — you won’t grow as a person if you don’t have the courage to stand by your own thoughts and opinions.
Don’t be afraid to stand by your opinions even if they are different from others. It’s okay to agree to disagree sometimes.
3) You’re scared to make mistakes
To quote Eleanor Roosevelt once again, “Do what you feel in your heart to be right – for you’ll be criticized anyway.”
I think it perfectly encapsulates the struggle many of us face when we’re overly concerned about others’ opinions.
When you’re excessively worried about what others think, the fear of making mistakes can become paralyzing.
You start to play it safe, avoiding any risks or ventures that might lead to failure or criticism.
You might even find yourself not trying new things or pursuing your passions because you’re afraid of what people might say if you fail.
But here’s the thing – making mistakes is a natural part of life and growth. It’s how we learn and improve.
Besides, everyone makes mistakes, so it’s not something to be self-conscious about. The bigger mistake would be to just not try, because then you’d be limiting your own growth and potential.
4) You feel stressed when you think you’ve upset someone
Did you know that your emotional state can directly impact your physical health?
That’s right, studies have shown that chronic stress can lead to a variety of health problems, from heart disease to weakened immune systems.
When you’re overly concerned about what others think, it’s common to feel stressed or anxious whenever you think you’ve upset someone or done something wrong.
You might spend hours or even days agonizing over a perceived slight or mistake, worrying about how the other person sees you now.
This constant stress and anxiety is not only bad for your mental health, but can also have serious implications for your physical health.
It’s another sign that your concern for others’ opinions might be going overboard.
It’s natural to feel bad when we think we’ve upset someone, but it’s not healthy to obsess over it.
Learning to let go of these worries and accept that we can’t control others’ perceptions is a big step towards caring less about what others think.
5) You’re not being true to yourself
When you’re constantly worrying about what others think, there’s a high chance you might lose yourself in the process.
You might find yourself pretending to be someone you’re not, just to fit in or to be liked by others.
For example, you might start dressing in a certain way because that’s what the “cool” people are doing, or you may start listening to a certain type of music even if it’s not your cup of tea.
You might even hide your true feelings or opinions out of fear of being judged or not being accepted.
There’s a lot of evidence that shows living a life that’s not authentic to who you are can be exhausting and unfulfilling.
It can also lead to feelings of resentment and unhappiness in the long run.
So why would you subject yourself to that for the sake of what other people think?
Don’t lose sight of what’s really important here — what you think and what you believe. Stand up for those, and you will be much happier.
Besides, the people who truly care about you will accept and love you for who you are, not for who they want you to be.
6) You’re struggling with decision making
Ever found yourself in a situation where you’re unable to make a decision because you’re worried about what others might think? You’re not alone.
When you’re overly concerned about others’ opinions, even the simplest of decisions can become a struggle.
You might find yourself constantly second-guessing your choices or procrastinating on making decisions because you’re afraid of the potential backlash or judgement from others.
For instance, you might be stuck in a job you hate because you’re worried about what people might say if you quit.
Or maybe you want to pursue a passion project, but the fear of others’ criticism is holding you back.
If this sounds familiar, it’s another sign that you’re letting others’ opinions control your life too much.
The truth is, it’s your life and your decisions to make.
While it’s okay to seek advice or feedback from others, at the end of the day, the choices you make should align with your values and what makes you happy.
7) You’re constantly apologizing
This might not be something you’ve noticed about yourself, but it’s a common trait among those who are overly concerned about others’ opinions.
Do you find yourself saying sorry often? Even when there’s no real need to? This could be because you’re afraid that your actions or words might upset others or make them think less of you.
Apologizing when you’ve done something wrong is important, of course. But saying sorry for simply expressing your thoughts?
For taking up space? For things that are beyond your control? That’s just plain wrong.
You have every right to voice your opinions and make your presence felt without having to apologize for it. Stand by your words and actions as long as they are respectful and well-intended.
It’s time to stop saying sorry for being you.
8) Your self-worth is dependent on others’ opinions
The most significant sign, and perhaps the most detrimental one, is when your self-worth becomes intertwined with others’ opinions.
You might find yourself feeling great when others praise you, but feeling terrible and doubting yourself when someone criticizes or disagrees with you.
Your happiness and self-esteem become like a roller coaster, constantly going up and down based on what others say or think about you.
Well, here’s the truth – your worth is not defined by what others think of you. It’s defined by who you are, your values, and how you treat yourself and others.
If you’re basing your self-worth on others’ opinions, it’s time to take a step back and work on building your self-esteem from within. It’s not an easy journey, but it’s definitely a worthwhile one.
After all, the only opinion about you that truly matters in the end is your own.
Final thoughts
If you’ve found yourself nodding in agreement to these signs, it’s likely you’re more concerned about other people’s opinions than is healthy. But rest assured, this is not a life sentence.
Being aware of this tendency is the first step towards change.
From here, you can start to consciously shift your behaviors, cultivating a healthier attitude that balances consideration for others with respect for your own needs and beliefs.
Start by observing your interactions. Notice when you’re altering your actions or suppressing your thoughts based on anticipated reactions.
Ask yourself: am I doing this because I want to, or because I’m worried about what others will think?
This process will not be quick or easy. It takes time to unlearn ingrained behaviors and build new patterns.
But with patience and consistent effort, you can start to step out of the shadow of other people’s opinions and stand confidently in your own light.
