We all want our kids to respect us—not just when they’re little but as they grow into teens and adults with their own ideas, values, and lives.
But gaining and keeping that respect takes more than just telling them what to do; it means setting the example they’ll look up to, even when we’re no longer calling the shots in their lives.
And, let’s be honest, some habits can chip away at that foundation of respect without us even realizing it.
If you really want to create a lasting, respectful bond with your children as they grow, it might be time to rethink a few familiar behaviors.
Here are eight habits that, while common, may be doing more harm than good—and letting them go could be a game-changer for your relationship.
1) Lack of active listening
Active listening is a crucial aspect of maintaining and fostering respect with your children. However, it’s a habit that many parents unintentionally overlook.
When your children speak, they’re not just sharing their thoughts or experiences. They’re also seeking validation, empathy, and understanding from you. By actively listening, you’re showing them that their opinions matter and are valued.
Active listening involves more than just hearing the words your children say. It requires full attention, understanding, and responding in a way that shows you’ve processed their words.
Failure to actively listen can create feelings of insignificance in your children. It can lead them to believe that their opinions and feelings aren’t important to you, hampering the respect they have for you.
2) Inconsistency in behavior
Child development experts are unanimous in saying that consistency is so important for children. They look to you as a role model, and your consistent behavior sets a valuable example for them.
In contrast, inconsistent behavior can be confusing and unsettling for children. It can make them feel insecure and uncertain about what to expect from you. This insecurity can lead to reduced respect for you as they grow older.
This inconsistency can manifest in various ways – from inconsistent reactions to a particular behavior to inconsistent implementation of rules and consequences.
For instance, if you laugh at a misbehavior one day, but scold for the same behavior another day, it sends mixed signals to your children.
To gain your children’s respect, it’s important to be consistent in your actions, reactions, and expectations. This consistency helps them understand boundaries better and fosters an environment of mutual respect.
3) Excessive negative criticism
Negative criticism, especially when it turns excessive, can be damaging to a child’s self-esteem and respect for their parents. It’s a habit that needs to be curbed if you want your children’s respect as they age.
Criticism is sometimes necessary to guide children and help them learn. But when it’s constant and harsh, it can make children feel unappreciated and unworthy; it can be really damaging to their self-esteem.
Moreover, excessive negative criticism can instill fear in children rather than respect. They might start obeying you out of fear rather than respect, which is not a healthy dynamic in the long run.
Instead of resorting to negative criticism, try constructive feedback. Point out their mistakes gently and suggest ways they can improve. This approach fosters a respectful and supportive environment for your children to grow in.
4) Disregarding personal boundaries
Respecting personal boundaries is a crucial part of any healthy relationship, and the parent-child bond is no different.
Personal boundaries can revolve around physical space, privacy, or even emotional boundaries. Overstepping these can make your children feel uncomfortable and disrespected.
For instance, reading your children’s personal diaries without their permission, or forcing them to hug relatives even when they’re uncomfortable, are examples of disregarding personal boundaries. These actions send a message that their comfort and privacy aren’t important to you.
To gain your children’s respect, it’s important to recognize and respect their personal boundaries. Discuss these boundaries openly and make sure they feel comfortable expressing them.
5) Disrespecting others
Speaking of disrespect, your actions speak louder than your words, and children learn more from what they see you do than what they hear you say. One of the habits that can hamper your children’s respect for you is disrespecting others.
Disrespect can take many forms – rudeness, belittling, disregard for others’ feelings or opinions, and more. When your children witness you displaying such behavior towards others, it sends a wrong message.
They may start to believe that it’s acceptable to disrespect others, or they may lose respect for you for not treating others kindly. Either way, it’s a lose-lose situation.
To gain your children’s respect as they grow older, make it a habit to show respect to everyone around you. Demonstrate empathy, kindness, and understanding in all your interactions. It’s a great way to earn their respect, as well as teach them the importance of respecting others.
6) Failing to admit your mistakes
Nobody is perfect, and as a parent, you’re bound to make mistakes. However, failing to admit those mistakes can make them lose respect for you as they grow older.
By not owning up to your mistakes, you’re sending a message to your children that it’s okay to not take responsibility for one’s actions. This habit can lead them to lose respect for you over time.
Admitting your mistakes, on the other hand, shows humility and a willingness to learn and grow. It teaches your children that making errors is a part of life and that the important thing is to acknowledge them and try to rectify them.
So, if you’ve made a mistake, apologize sincerely and do what you can to make it right. It might be tough initially, but it’s a step towards gaining your children’s respect in the long run.
7) Disregarding your child’s interests
Each child is unique, with their own set of interests and passions. Do you recognize and support those of your child?
Showing interest in your child’s hobbies, passions, or even their favorite books and shows, sends a clear message that you value and respect their individuality. Conversely, disregarding these interests can make them feel unimportant and misunderstood.
If your child loves painting, for instance, dismissing it as a ‘waste of time’ or ‘just a hobby’ can be hurtful. Instead, encourage their passion, provide the resources they need, and show genuine interest in their work.
This doesn’t mean you have to pretend to enjoy something you don’t. It simply means acknowledging the value of your child’s interests and supporting them in their pursuits.
8) Not spending quality time
Lastly, how much time do you actually spend with your child? If you’re always too busy or distracted for them, it can lead to feelings of neglect and loss of respect.
No doubt about it — quality time is the best gift you can give your child. It shows them that they are important to you. It’s an opportunity to bond, understand their world better, and show them that you value their company.
Research proves that the more time parents spent with children, the higher their children’s well-being will be.
This doesn’t necessarily mean planning elaborate outings or activities. Quality time can be as simple as having dinner together, helping them with homework, or even just chatting about their day.
Remember, it’s not about the quantity but the quality of time spent. Even a few minutes of undivided attention can mean a lot to your child and help build respect.
Final thoughts
As parents, we have the unique opportunity to shape our children’s understanding of respect through our actions. By modeling respectful behavior and treating them with kindness and understanding, we can teach them how respect looks and feels.
In addition to letting go of these eight habits, consider embracing practices that foster respect. This could include open communication, expressing appreciation for good behavior, and consistently showing empathy and understanding.
Remember, each child is unique and what works for one may not work for another. Stay open to adapting your approach as your child grows and their needs evolve.
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