If you really want to be a positive influence on your child as they get older, say goodbye to these 8 behaviors

I always thought being a “good parent” meant setting rules and making sure they stuck, but as any parent knows, there’s so much more to it.

Over time, I realized it’s not just what we say or the rules we enforce; it’s the small, everyday behaviors we model that leave the biggest mark on our kids.

Sometimes, we don’t even notice the things we do that might be sending the wrong message.

So, let’s take a hard look at some of those habits that could use a little rethinking.

Because, in the end, being a positive influence on your child doesn’t require perfection—you just need to choose the kinds of actions that help them grow up happy, confident, and resilient.

Here are eight habits to reconsider if you’re looking to make a real impact.

1) Yelling and shouting

We’ve all been there. Frustrations mount, patience wears thin, and before you know it, you’re raising your voice at your child.

But here’s the thing – yelling doesn’t help. In fact, it can do more harm than good.

Research suggests that yelling can lead to fear and anxiety in children, impacting their emotional development.

Instead of communicating effectively, yelling often escalates the situation and teaches your child that such behavior is acceptable.

So what’s the alternative? Calm and clear communication.

It might seem tough at times, but keeping your cool and explaining your point of view can result in a much more positive outcome.

Not only does it foster understanding, but it also models respectful communication for your child.

2) Being overly critical

I must confess, I’ve been guilty of this one.

I remember a time when my daughter was learning to ride her bike.

She was struggling and kept falling off, and instead of encouraging her, I found myself saying things like, “You’re not trying hard enough,” or “You’re doing it wrong.”

Looking back, I see how my words were more discouraging than helpful. Instead of motivating her, I was making her feel like she wasn’t good enough.

The truth is, being overly critical can harm a child’s self-esteem and confidence.

It can make them feel like they’re always falling short of expectations, which is not a feeling we want our children to carry into their adulthood.

So now, I try to catch myself before I slip into that critical mode.

I strive to provide constructive feedback, focusing on what my child did right and how she can improve, rather than just pointing out what she did wrong.

3) Ignoring their feelings

Did you know that emotional intelligence plays a significant role in a person’s success in life? It’s true.

And one of the best ways to foster emotional intelligence in your child is by acknowledging their feelings.

Dismissing or ignoring your child’s emotions – whether it’s their joy, fear, sadness, or anger – can lead to them suppressing their feelings.

This can affect their ability to process emotions and build healthy relationships later in life.

As parents, we need to validate our children’s feelings. This doesn’t mean we have to agree with them all the time, but it’s crucial to show them that their feelings are heard and respected.

Next time your child is upset, instead of saying “You’re fine,” try saying “I see that you’re upset. Can you tell me more about it?”

This kind of response not only validates their feelings, but also encourages them to express themselves and develop emotional intelligence.

4) Lack of consistency

Consistency is key when it comes to parenting. Children need predictability to feel secure and learn how to behave.

When we’re inconsistent with our rules or consequences, it sends mixed signals to our kids. One day, they’re allowed to stay up late, and the next day they’re punished for it.

This kind of inconsistency can be confusing and can lead to behavioral issues.

Maintaining consistency not only helps your child understand what is expected of them, but it also helps build trust.

When your words match your actions consistently, your child learns that they can rely on you and this strengthens your influence as a parent.

So if you set a rule or a consequence, stick with it. But keep in mind, being consistent doesn’t mean being inflexible.

It’s okay to change rules if they’re not working, but make sure that you communicate these changes clearly to your child.

5) Not acknowledging your own mistakes

None of us are perfect, and that includes us parents too. We make mistakes, we lose our patience, we say things we don’t mean. And that’s okay, as long as we own up to it.

When we refuse to acknowledge our mistakes, we teach our children that it’s not okay to be wrong. But the truth is, making mistakes is a crucial part of learning and growing.

Admitting our errors and apologizing when we’re wrong shows our children that it’s okay to make mistakes. It encourages them to take responsibility for their actions and learn from their missteps.

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So next time you make a mistake – maybe you lost your temper or forgot a promise – take a moment to apologize to your child. It might be tough, but the lesson it imparts is invaluable.

6) Neglecting self-care

For a long time, I believed that being a good parent meant putting my child’s needs before my own, always. But then I noticed a pattern. On days when I was exhausted or burned out, I was less patient, less present, and less positive.

I realized that neglecting my own wellbeing wasn’t helping me be a better parent, it was actually making me a less effective one.

Taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally isn’t selfish. It’s necessary. When we’re at our best, we can give our best to our children. We become better listeners, better guides, and better role models.

So don’t feel guilty about taking some time for yourself.

Whether it’s a quiet cup of coffee in the morning, a workout session, or just some time to read or relax – you need and deserve it. Your child will benefit from a happier, healthier you.

7) Overprotecting them

As parents, our natural instinct is to protect our children from harm and hardships. We want to shield them from every bump and bruise, every challenge and disappointment. But in doing so, we may be doing them a disservice.

Life is full of ups and downs, and part of growing up is learning how to navigate these. When we constantly step in to solve our child’s problems, we deny them the opportunity to learn crucial problem-solving skills.

Instead of rushing to their rescue every time, give your child the space to handle their issues. Offer guidance and support, but allow them to take the lead. This will help build their confidence, resilience, and independence.

Our job as parents isn’t to prevent our children from ever falling, but to teach them how to pick themselves up when they do.

8) Failing to show unconditional love

At the end of the day, your child needs to know that your love for them is unwavering, no matter what. They need to feel loved not for their achievements or behavior, but for who they are.

Children who feel unconditionally loved tend to be more secure, resilient, and successful in life. They’re more likely to develop a healthy self-esteem and have stronger relationships.

So make sure your child knows that your love for them is not tied to their grades, their behavior, or their accomplishments. Let them know you love them just because they’re them – unique, wonderful, and irreplaceable.

Reflection

Parenthood isn’t a perfect science; it’s more like an ever-evolving journey of trial and error.

I’ve come to realize that while we can’t control every moment or every reaction, we can choose how we show up for our kids each day.

We won’t get it right all the time. But the little shifts we make will show them patience, acceptance, and the love that holds no conditions.

Because when it comes down to it, our influence isn’t measured by how strictly we follow the “rules” of parenting.

It’s those day-to-day decisions that teach them the real stuff: how to be kind, how to bounce back, and how to know they’re valued, flaws and all.

So, let’s take it one day at a time, with a bit of grace and a whole lot of love. In the end, that’s the kind of impact that lasts.