As a psychologist, I’ve observed that everyone needs to feel accepted, valued, and treated with dignity.
However, repeated fallouts with friends can suggest a pattern of behavior that undermines these essential human needs.
This pattern often points to certain habits – habits that may unintentionally hurt others, damage relationships, or even isolate individuals over time.
These habits can be hard to recognize in ourselves. They may be subtle and build up over time, making them difficult to spot in the early stages of a friendship.
In this article, I will delve into nine such habits that often lead to regular fallouts with friends.
1) They’re overly critical
Being overly critical is a habit that can quickly strain friendships.
This doesn’t necessarily mean open and harsh criticism. Sometimes, it’s subtle, wrapped in the guise of ‘constructive criticism’ or ‘just being honest’.
You might notice this person constantly pointing out your flaws or mistakes, no matter how small. They may have a knack for turning even the most casual conversations into an opportunity to critique you or your choices.
This continuous stream of criticism can leave you feeling inadequate and undervalued, ultimately leading to a fallout.
It’s important to remember that while friends should be able to give and receive feedback, it should always be done with respect and care for each other’s feelings.
2) They’re inconsistent
Inconsistency in behavior can be another major habit that leads to fallouts with friends. One day, they’re your best friend, full of warmth and kindness. The next, they’re distant and detached, leaving you confused and hurt.
This inconsistency can be emotionally draining, as you’re constantly left guessing about the state of your friendship. It can create a sense of instability and unpredictability, making it difficult to build a solid, trustful relationship.
This ‘hot and cold’ behavior is often a reflection of their own internal struggles. However, it’s vital to remember that while empathy is important, your emotional well-being should not be compromised in a friendship.
3) They’re overly generous
While generosity is generally seen as a virtue, in some cases, it can be a habit that contributes to fallouts with friends.
You might find this person always insisting on paying the bill, buying extravagant gifts, or going over-the-top in their efforts to help.
While this might initially seem like a wonderful quality, it can sometimes create an imbalance in the relationship. You might start feeling indebted or inadequate, unable to reciprocate this level of generosity.
Moreover, their constant giving may not come from a place of pure goodwill but could be a tactic to gain control or to make you feel obligated towards them.
It’s crucial to remember that a healthy friendship is about balance and equality, not indebtedness.
4) They refuse to apologize
Nobody’s perfect. We all make mistakes, say things we don’t mean, or hurt people unintentionally.
What’s crucial, however, is our ability to acknowledge our wrongs and apologize sincerely.
A person who habitually refuses to apologize, however, can cause frequent fallouts with friends. This refusal might stem from pride, stubbornness, or a deep-seated belief that they’re always right.
This can lead to unresolved conflicts and resentment, as the hurt party feels their feelings are being dismissed.
A sincere apology shows respect and empathy for the other person’s feelings – without it, a friendship can quickly become strained and eventually break down.
5) They struggle with their own self-esteem
We all have moments of self-doubt and insecurity, it’s part of being human. However, when someone has a habit of battling with low self-esteem, it can sometimes impact their friendships.
These individuals might constantly seek validation, rely heavily on others for their own happiness, or may have a tendency to self-sabotage good relationships due to their own feelings of unworthiness.
This can be emotionally taxing for friends who constantly have to reassure them. It’s important to remember that while it’s natural to want to help a friend in need, each person is ultimately responsible for their own self-worth and happiness.0
Encouraging them to seek professional help can be one of the most supportive things you can do.
6) They’re a serial complainer
We all have our off days where we just need to vent. However, someone who constantly complains can quickly become exhausting to be around.
Whether it’s about their job, their relationship, or the weather, some people always seem to find the negative in every situation. While it’s natural to share our problems with friends, a constant stream of negativity can weigh heavily on a friendship.
It’s draining to be around someone who only sees the glass as half empty and it can bring down your own mood and outlook on life.
True friendship involves both shared joys and shared burdens, not just an endless stream of complaints.
7) They’re a notorious plan-canceler
We all have those days when we just can’t muster the energy to leave the house, even for a fun outing with friends. However, some people make a habit out of canceling plans last minute.
One moment they’re all in for a weekend getaway or a movie night, and the next, they’re backing out with an excuse that seems all too familiar. It’s like they have an emergency button that they hit whenever commitment comes knocking.
While it’s often done without malice, it can leave friends feeling let down and undervalued. After all, maintaining friendships requires showing up, both literally and figuratively.
If you’re more likely to spot a unicorn than see them at a planned event, it might be time for a chat about commitment in friendship.
8) They’re always the victim
It’s hard to be friends with someone who always plays the victim card. They’re the ones who can twist any situation to make it seem like they’re the ones being wronged, even when they’re clearly in the wrong.
They never take responsibility for their actions and instead, they paint themselves as the innocent party, constantly under attack from the world. This not only absolves them of any accountability but also manipulates others into feeling sorry for them.
This can be draining and detrimental to a friendship. It’s important for friends to call each other out when they’re wrong and help each other grow, not enable a perpetual victim mentality.
9) They lack empathy
The cornerstone of any meaningful friendship is empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. However, some people struggle with this essential trait.
If a friend constantly dismisses your feelings, belittles your problems, or simply can’t put themselves in your shoes, it can lead to a lot of pain and misunderstanding. This lack of empathy can make you feel unheard and invalidated.
Remember, true friends lift each other up, share in each other’s joy and sorrow, and treat each other’s feelings with respect and understanding.
If this fundamental aspect is missing from a friendship, it may be time to reconsider its value.
Closing thoughts
If you recognize some or all of these habits in someone close to you, it might be time for a serious reflection on the health of your friendship.
It’s important to remember that friendships, like all relationships, should bring joy, support, and mutual respect.
Renowned psychologist Dr. Harriet Lerner once said, “An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability in a balanced way.”
This balance is key in any relationship. If you are constantly feeling drained, undervalued, or disrespected, it may be time to reassess the friendship and consider setting boundaries or seeking professional advice.
This article is not intended to diagnose your friends but to provide insight into behaviors that may lead to regular fallouts.
If only one or two points resonate with you, it doesn’t necessarily mean your friendship is doomed. However, it’s an opportunity for reflection and potential conversation with your friend.
Remember, you deserve friendships that make you feel good about yourself, where there’s a mutual exchange of support, respect, and love.
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