As someone who’s spent years researching psychology and self-improvement (and way too many hours people-watching in coffee shops), let me tell you—our everyday quirks can make or break first impressions.
Sometimes, we can rub folks the wrong way without even noticing. Here are seven sneaky habits that might be making you less likable, and some ideas on how to fix them.
1. The Overly-Predictable One-Ups
We’ve all been guilty of it: Someone shares a story—maybe about a recent vacation to Bali—and before they even finish, you start plotting your own “Well, I did that, but bigger!” comeback. It’s like a reflex. Unfortunately, constantly topping other people’s experiences can make you seem insecure or downright obnoxious.
Whenever I catch myself itching to one-up a friend, I bite my tongue and ask them a question instead. It works like magic to keep a conversation flowing (and prevents me from looking like an attention hog).
2. Zombie Phone Checking
We live in a hyper-connected world. But if you’re zombifying around, checking your phone during a conversation—especially when someone’s pouring their heart out about their new puppy or current heartbreak—it sends the message that you’re not interested.
It’s basically the verbal equivalent of saying, “I have better things to look at right now than your face.” Ouch.
Put the phone away. It’ll still be there when you’re done being an awesome listener.
3. The “Sure, Whatever” Shrug
Nothing slams a door on connection like a big, fat, apathetic shrug. If your default response is “Sure, whatever you want” or “It doesn’t matter to me,” people might think you don’t care—or worse, that you’re being passive-aggressive.
If you truly don’t have a preference, try asking what excites them: “I’m open! Which option are you leaning toward?” That way, it looks more like you’re being supportive and less like you’re flatlining on interest.
4. Toxic Positivity Overdrive
Yes, having a positive outlook on life is fantastic. But if a friend is stressing over a big exam or upset about a breakup, and your go-to response is “Just be happy! You’ve got this!” with zero acknowledgement of how they feel, you’re essentially invalidating them.
Mix in empathy. “I’m sorry you’re going through that. Is there anything I can do to help?” shows that you recognize their feelings—while still offering the pick-me-up they might need.
5. The Perpetual Advice Machine
Ever talk to someone, and every time you pause, they swoop in with “You know what you should do?” That habit can feel more like a lecture than a friendly chat. Nobody wants to feel like they’re under constant improvement orders.
Ask, “Do you want advice, or do you just want to vent?” 90% of the time, people just need a sounding board. You’ll be the hero who listened instead of the “expert” who’s always bossing them around.
6. Inattentive Listening (a.k.a. “Sorry, Could You Say That Again?”)
Picture this: You’re talking, and you notice the other person’s eyes glaze over. Then they say, “Wait, what?” about five times. It’s soul-crushing. Inattentive listening makes people feel disrespected and like they’re not worthy of your full attention.
I like to repeat or rephrase what the other person said to make sure I’m truly absorbing it: “So you’re saying your cat learned how to flush the toilet? That’s epic!” It shows I’m engaged—and also, some cats really are that talented.
7. Draining the Energy in the Room
If you find yourself frequently complaining—about the weather, your boss, the line at the coffee shop—without offering any solutions or humor, folks might grow tired of the negativity. We all vent sometimes, but constant doom-and-gloom can turn friends into ghosts.
Balance out your rants with gratitude or a silly spin: “The line was so long, I almost started a conga dance to pass the time!” That way, you acknowledge life’s annoyances while keeping the conversation fun.
Final Thoughts
Listen, we’ve all been there. We all have moments when our personality quirks get the best of us (I shudder at the number of times I’ve cut off a friend’s story to tell my own). But self-awareness is power. If you notice these habits creeping into your interactions, take a breath, reset, and practice showing genuine interest in other people’s experiences.
A little tweak here and there can help you come across as the warm, caring human you truly are—no phone scrolling, no one-upping, no forced positivity. And trust me, the effort is worth it. The more genuine connection you build, the easier it is to form real friendships, romantic relationships, and all kinds of lovey-dovey “human stuff” we’re wired to crave.
Thanks for reading, and until next time—may your coffee be strong, your lines be short, and your company be free of phone zombies!
