Some things from childhood never really leave us. And one of those things is the way we were spoken to—especially if we were constantly criticized.
When kids grow up hearing that they’re never good enough, that their efforts don’t measure up, or that they’re always doing something wrong, it leaves a mark. Even if they don’t realize it, that kind of criticism shapes how they see themselves and how they move through the world as adults.
People who were over-criticized as children often develop certain traits as they grow older. Some of these traits can be struggles, while others may actually become strengths. But one thing is clear: the way we were treated as kids still affects us today.
Here are some common traits found in adults who were overly criticized as children.
1) they are overly self-critical
When you grow up constantly hearing criticism, it’s easy to internalize it. Over time, that external voice of doubt and disapproval becomes your own inner voice.
People who were over-criticized as children often become their own worst critics. They second-guess themselves, downplay their achievements, and struggle to feel truly satisfied with their work. Even when they do something well, they may feel like it’s not good enough or that they could have done more.
This habit of self-criticism can be exhausting, but it’s not always obvious to others. On the outside, they might look like perfectionists or high achievers. But inside, they’re often battling a voice that tells them they’re falling short—just like they were told when they were younger.
2) they struggle to accept compliments
I used to think I was just being humble when I brushed off compliments. Someone would say, “You did a great job on that project,” and my immediate response would be, “Oh, it wasn’t that great” or “I could have done better.”
But over time, I realized this wasn’t humility—it was discomfort. Growing up, I was often criticized more than I was praised. When I did something well, it was either ignored or followed by a comment about how I could have done it better. So as an adult, praise felt unfamiliar, almost suspicious.
People who were overly criticized as kids often feel uneasy when they receive compliments. They might deflect the praise, downplay their efforts, or even feel like they don’t deserve it. It’s not that they don’t appreciate kind words—it’s just that they’ve spent so much time believing they’re not good enough that accepting praise feels unnatural.
3) they are highly sensitive to criticism
When a child grows up constantly being criticized, they learn to associate feedback with negativity. Even as adults, this can make them extra sensitive to any kind of critique—no matter how well-intentioned it may be.
In fact, research has shown that our brains process social rejection, including criticism, in the same way they process physical pain. This means that for someone who was frequently criticized as a child, even mild feedback can feel much harsher than it was intended.
Because of this, they might react defensively or take criticism very personally. They may overanalyze every word, replaying it in their minds long after the conversation is over. It’s not that they don’t want to improve—it’s just that, for them, criticism has always felt more like an attack than a tool for growth.
4) they have a strong fear of failure
When criticism is a constant part of childhood, failure stops feeling like a learning experience and starts feeling like proof that you’re not good enough. As a result, many adults who were overly criticized as kids develop an intense fear of failing.
They might avoid taking risks, procrastinate on important tasks, or only pursue things they’re sure they’ll succeed at. The thought of making a mistake can be paralyzing because, in their minds, failure isn’t just about the task—it’s about their worth as a person.
This fear can hold them back from opportunities and personal growth. Instead of seeing failure as a stepping stone to success, they see it as something to be avoided at all costs.
5) they overthink everything
Before making a decision—no matter how small—they run through every possible outcome in their head. What if this goes wrong? What if someone gets upset? What if it’s not good enough? The endless loop of “what ifs” can be exhausting, but ignoring it feels impossible.
As children, they learned that mistakes weren’t just mistakes—they were something to be criticized for. So now, as adults, they try to avoid mistakes at all costs by overanalyzing every choice they make.
Even after making a decision, the overthinking doesn’t stop. They replay conversations in their head, wondering if they said the wrong thing. They second-guess emails they’ve already sent. No matter how much reassurance they get, there’s always a part of them that worries they could have done something better.
6) they are people-pleasers
When children grow up in an environment where they’re frequently criticized, they often learn that approval is something they have to earn. As adults, this can turn into a deep need to keep everyone around them happy—even at their own expense.
They struggle to say no, even when they’re overwhelmed. They apologize for things that aren’t their fault. They go out of their way to avoid conflict, even if it means hiding their true feelings.
At the core of this behavior is a fear of disappointing others. When criticism was a regular part of childhood, people-pleasing becomes a way to avoid it. But constantly putting others first can lead to exhaustion, resentment, and losing sight of their own needs.
7) they struggle with self-worth
When criticism is a constant part of childhood, it doesn’t just affect behavior—it shapes identity. Over time, they stop seeing criticism as feedback on their actions and start seeing it as a reflection of who they are.
As adults, this can manifest as deep insecurities, an inability to recognize their own value, or a feeling that they will never be “good enough.” Even when they achieve success, there’s often a lingering sense that they don’t truly deserve it.
They may seek external validation to fill the gap, but no amount of praise ever feels like enough. Because when you’ve spent years believing you’re not worthy, learning to see yourself differently is one of the hardest things to do.
bottom line: the words we hear shape us
The way we are spoken to as children doesn’t just fade away—it lingers, shaping how we see ourselves and interact with the world.
Research in developmental psychology has shown that repeated criticism in childhood can influence self-esteem, emotional regulation, and even brain development. Studies suggest that children exposed to excessive criticism may have an overactive amygdala, the part of the brain responsible for processing fear and emotional responses. This could explain why, as adults, they may be more prone to anxiety, self-doubt, and heightened sensitivity to negative feedback.
But just as words can tear down, they can also build up. The brain is adaptable, and self-perception isn’t set in stone. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward changing them. It takes time, but learning to replace harsh inner dialogue with self-compassion can begin to undo years of criticism.
After all, if words had the power to shape us so deeply in childhood, then perhaps the right words—spoken with kindness and understanding—can help reshape us in adulthood.
