Some people age like fine wine—wise, kind, and enjoyable to be around. Others… not so much.
We’ve all met someone who seems to become more difficult with time. Maybe they’re more stubborn, more negative, or just plain exhausting to deal with.
The truth is, certain behaviors can make someone almost intolerable as they get older. And often, they don’t even realize they’re doing it.
Here are seven behaviors that can turn people into those you’d rather avoid—and how to make sure you’re not one of them.
1) they always have something to complain about
Some people seem to get grumpier with age, and being around them starts to feel like a never-ending complaint session.
Nothing is ever good enough—the weather, the service at a restaurant, the way people drive. They’ll find something wrong with everything.
The problem is, negativity is draining. No one wants to be around someone who constantly focuses on what’s wrong without ever appreciating what’s right.
Of course, everyone complains sometimes. But when it becomes a personality trait rather than an occasional frustration, it pushes people away.
2) they refuse to admit when they’re wrong
I once had an old friend who would never, under any circumstances, admit he was wrong. Even when the facts were right in front of him, he’d double down, change the subject, or just laugh it off like it didn’t matter.
At first, I thought it was just stubbornness. But over time, it became exhausting. Conversations turned into debates, and every disagreement felt like a battle he *had* to win.
The truth is, no one is right all the time. Being able to admit mistakes and learn from them is what keeps relationships strong. But when someone refuses to acknowledge their faults, it creates frustration and distance—because no one wants to be around someone who always thinks they’re right.
3) they make every conversation about themselves
Some people don’t just want to be heard—they want to be the *only* ones heard. Every conversation somehow circles back to them, their experiences, their problems, and their opinions.
Studies have shown that talking about yourself activates the same areas of the brain as food and money, which explains why some people can’t resist doing it. But while it might feel good for them, it’s frustrating for everyone else.
Good conversations are a two-way street. When someone constantly dominates the discussion and never shows interest in others, people start to avoid talking to them altogether.
4) they criticize everyone and everything
There’s a big difference between offering constructive feedback and constantly pointing out flaws. Some people, as they get older, develop a habit of criticizing everything—how someone dresses, how they talk, how they live their life.
At first, it might seem like they’re just offering their opinion. But over time, it becomes clear that nothing ever meets their standards. And being around someone who always finds fault in others can be exhausting.
Nobody likes to feel judged all the time. If every interaction comes with unsolicited criticism, people will eventually stop wanting to be around them.
5) they hold onto grudges for years
Some people never let things go. A small disagreement from years ago? Still remembered in detail. A minor mistake someone made? Brought up over and over again.
The problem is, carrying resentment doesn’t just push people away—it also makes life heavier. Relationships become strained, and moments that should be enjoyable are clouded by old bitterness.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting, but it does mean choosing not to let the past control the present. The longer someone holds onto grudges, the more they isolate themselves from the people who care about them.
6) they always have to one-up everyone
No matter what someone else shares, they have a better story, a bigger struggle, or a more impressive accomplishment. Conversations stop feeling like conversations and start feeling like competitions.
At first, it might seem harmless—maybe even entertaining. But over time, it becomes clear that they’re not really listening; they’re just waiting for their turn to outshine everyone else.
People want to feel heard and valued. When someone constantly turns every discussion into a chance to prove they’re superior, it makes others feel small—and eventually, they stop engaging altogether.
7) they stop caring how their behavior affects others
The surest way to become intolerable is to stop considering how your words and actions impact the people around you. Dismissing others’ feelings, refusing to adjust harmful behavior, or acting like nothing is ever your fault—all of it slowly pushes people away.
Relationships require effort, self-awareness, and a willingness to grow. The moment someone decides they don’t need to care anymore is the moment others start caring less about being around them.
bottom line: who we become is a choice
Aging doesn’t automatically make someone difficult to be around—our habits, attitudes, and choices do.
Psychologists have found that personality traits tend to stabilize over time, meaning that the patterns we reinforce in ourselves today are likely to shape who we become in the future. If someone leans into negativity, stubbornness, or self-centeredness, those traits can solidify, making relationships harder to maintain.
But the opposite is also true. Choosing to stay open-minded, kind, and self-aware can make aging a process that deepens connections rather than isolates us.
Who we become isn’t just a product of time—it’s a result of how we choose to handle it.
