Some people like to be in charge, but there’s a big difference between being a leader and being controlling.
Controlling people don’t just want things done their way—they try to dominate others, often without considering their feelings or choices. It’s not about teamwork; it’s about power.
The tricky part is that controlling behavior isn’t always obvious. It can show up in subtle ways that are easy to overlook.
If you’ve ever dealt with someone who seems to micromanage, manipulate, or pressure others, chances are they have some of these traits. Here are seven common signs of a controlling person.
1) they always need to be in control
Controlling people don’t just like having a say in things—they need to be in charge.
Whether it’s at work, in relationships, or even small daily decisions, they struggle to let others take the lead. They believe their way is the best (or only) way, and they have a hard time trusting others to handle things.
This often leads to micromanaging, where they insist on overseeing every little detail. It can make people around them feel powerless or frustrated, as if their opinions don’t matter.
A healthy relationship—whether personal or professional—requires balance. But for a controlling person, giving up control feels like losing.
2) they make decisions for other people
I once had a friend who would make plans for us without even asking what I wanted. If we were going out to eat, she’d pick the restaurant. If we were meeting up, she’d decide the time and place. At first, I thought she was just being helpful, but over time, I realized I never actually got a say in anything.
Whenever I tried to suggest something different, she’d brush it off or find a way to make me feel like my choice wasn’t as good as hers. It wasn’t that she was trying to be mean—she just genuinely believed she knew what was best for everyone.
Controlling people often do this without realizing it. They assume they’re making things easier by deciding for others, but in reality, they take away people’s ability to choose for themselves. And that can be frustrating, even if their intentions aren’t bad.
3) they struggle to accept criticism
Controlling people have a hard time handling feedback, even when it’s constructive. Instead of seeing criticism as a chance to improve, they take it as a personal attack.
This often leads to defensiveness, excuses, or even shifting the blame onto others. In some cases, they might try to discredit the person giving the feedback or make them feel guilty for speaking up.
Psychologists have found that people who resist criticism often have fragile self-esteem hidden beneath their controlling behavior. By always needing to be right, they protect themselves from feelings of inadequacy—but at the cost of pushing others away.
4) they use guilt to get their way
Instead of asking directly for what they want, controlling people often rely on guilt to pressure others into complying. They make you feel like saying “no” would mean you’re selfish, ungrateful, or even a bad person.
Phrases like “After everything I’ve done for you…” or “I guess I’ll just do it myself, even though I’m exhausted…” are common tactics. The goal is to make you feel responsible for their emotions so that you give in to their demands.
Over time, this kind of manipulation can wear people down, making them feel obligated to meet the controlling person’s expectations—even at the cost of their own happiness.
5) they don’t respect boundaries
When someone sets a boundary, a controlling person sees it as a challenge rather than something to respect. They push, question, or ignore limits, making the other person feel guilty for even having them in the first place.
They might show up uninvited, demand constant updates, or insist on being involved in decisions that don’t concern them. If told “no,” they don’t accept it—they find ways to argue, negotiate, or wear the other person down until they give in.
Over time, this can make people second-guess themselves, wondering if they’re being unreasonable for wanting space or autonomy. But the truth is, no one should have to justify their right to set healthy boundaries.
6) they always have to be right
For a controlling person, being wrong isn’t an option. No matter the situation, they will argue, deflect, or twist the conversation until they come out on top.
Even when presented with clear facts, they might refuse to back down. Instead, they’ll shift the blame, change the subject, or find a way to make others feel like they’re the ones who are mistaken.
This need to always be right can make relationships exhausting. Instead of open discussions, every disagreement turns into a battle—one where the other person is expected to surrender.
7) they make you doubt yourself
Controlling people have a way of making others question their own thoughts, feelings, and decisions. They might dismiss your opinions, downplay your achievements, or act like they know what’s best for you—until you start wondering if they’re right.
Over time, this can chip away at confidence, making it harder to trust yourself. You may find yourself seeking their approval or second-guessing choices you once made with certainty.
The more control they have, the less power you feel over your own life.
bottom line: control is about fear
At the heart of controlling behavior is fear—fear of uncertainty, fear of being wrong, fear of losing power.
Psychologists suggest that many controlling people develop these tendencies as a way to cope with insecurity. By dictating their surroundings and the people in them, they create an illusion of stability and certainty.
But control comes at a cost. Relationships built on dominance rather than mutual respect often lead to resentment, distance, and frustration. No one thrives in an environment where they feel powerless or unheard.
Recognizing these traits—whether in others or even in ourselves—is the first step toward breaking free from unhealthy dynamics. True connection isn’t about control; it’s about trust.
