Some people are just hard to talk to. No matter what you say, they find a way to make the conversation frustrating, negative, or exhausting.
Often, it comes down to the words they use. Certain phrases instantly put people on the defensive, shut down discussions, or make everything more complicated than it needs to be.
Being difficult in conversations pushes people away and makes it harder to build good relationships. If you catch yourself using these phrases often, it might be time to rethink how you communicate.
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1) I’m just being honest
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Some people think that as long as they say “I’m just being honest,” they can say whatever they want without consequences.
But let’s be real—this phrase is often just an excuse to be rude, blunt, or even hurtful. Honesty is important, but there’s a difference between being truthful and being unnecessarily harsh.
When someone constantly says this, it usually means they don’t care how their words affect others. And that makes conversations with them exhausting.
Being honest doesn’t mean you have to be unkind. There’s always a way to speak the truth without making others feel bad.
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2) I’m just playing devil’s advocate
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I used to think this phrase made me sound smart. Any time someone shared an opinion, I’d jump in with, *“I’m just playing devil’s advocate,”* and argue the opposite side.
At first, I thought I was helping—challenging ideas, keeping the conversation interesting. But eventually, people started getting frustrated with me.
One friend finally called me out: *“Do you even believe what you’re saying, or are you just arguing for the sake of it?”* That’s when I realized how annoying this habit had become.
There’s nothing wrong with seeing different perspectives, but constantly pushing back just to argue? That makes conversations exhausting. If you do this all the time, people might start avoiding discussions with you altogether.
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3) No offense, but…
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This phrase almost always comes before something offensive. It’s like a warning sign that whatever comes next is going to be rude, insulting, or unnecessary.
Studies have shown that when people hear negative feedback, their brains react as if they’re experiencing physical pain. So even if you don’t *mean* to be hurtful, saying *“No offense, but…”* doesn’t soften the blow—it just makes people brace for impact.
If you have something honest but critical to say, it’s better to be direct and kind instead of pretending that adding this phrase makes it okay.
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4) It is what it is
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This phrase might seem harmless, but it often shuts down conversations instead of moving them forward.
When someone is upset or struggling with a problem, hearing *“It is what it is”* feels dismissive—like their concerns don’t matter. Instead of offering support or solutions, this phrase just signals that you’re done engaging.
Of course, some things in life *are* out of our control. But when people bring up challenges, they usually want understanding, not a dead-end response that leaves them feeling unheard.
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5) You always… / You never…
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Few things shut down a conversation faster than the words *“You always”* or *“You never.”*
These phrases don’t just criticize someone’s actions—they attack their entire character. And when people feel unfairly judged, they stop listening and start defending themselves.
No one is *always* one way or *never* another. We all have good and bad moments. Instead of making sweeping statements, it’s better to talk about specific situations. That way, the other person has a chance to understand instead of just feeling blamed.
Conversations should bring people closer, not push them away. And words like these create distance where understanding should be.
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6) I’m sorry you feel that way
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This phrase might sound like an apology, but it rarely feels like one. Instead of taking responsibility, it shifts the focus onto the other person’s feelings—like their reaction is the real problem, not what was actually said or done.
Hearing this in an argument can be frustrating, even painful. It makes it seem like your emotions are being dismissed rather than understood.
A real apology acknowledges the impact of your words or actions, even if you didn’t intend to hurt someone. Sometimes, a simple *“I’m sorry”*—without any deflection—is all that’s needed to heal a conversation instead of making it worse.
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7) Calm down
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Telling someone to *“Calm down”* almost never works. In fact, it usually has the opposite effect.
When emotions are high, hearing this phrase can feel dismissive—like their feelings aren’t valid or worth acknowledging. No one likes to be told how they *should* feel, especially in the heat of the moment.
Instead of saying *“Calm down,”* a better approach is to listen and show understanding. A simple *“I hear you”* or *“I get why you’re upset”* can do much more to de-escalate a situation than telling someone how to react.
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8) That’s just how I am
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This phrase shuts down any possibility of growth. It’s a way of refusing to take responsibility for how your words or actions affect others.
Everyone has habits and tendencies, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be improved. Saying *“That’s just how I am”* turns a bad attitude or harmful behavior into something unchangeable—when in reality, we all have the ability to do better.
Relationships require effort, and communication is a skill that can always be improved. Dismissing feedback with this phrase doesn’t just make conversations difficult—it makes real connection impossible.
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bottom line: words shape relationships
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The way we communicate has a lasting impact on the people around us. Words can build trust or break it, strengthen relationships or weaken them.
Psychologists have long studied the effects of language on human connection. Research shows that the words we choose influence not just how others perceive us, but also how they feel about themselves. A careless phrase can linger in someone’s mind far longer than we realize.
Communication isn’t just about getting a point across—it’s about understanding, respect, and the willingness to grow. The phrases we use every day shape the kind of relationships we build. And if certain words are pushing people away, maybe it’s time to choose better ones.
