Parenting is a touchy subject, and the approach can greatly impact a child’s development. When parents are self-centered, it can leave lasting marks on their children that carry into adulthood.
It’s not about blaming, but understanding how our upbringing shapes us. And yes, kids raised by self-absorbed parents often exhibit certain patterns when they grow up.
In this article, we’re going to delve into the common traits often found in adults who were raised by self-centered parents. Don’t worry, it’s not a blame game; we’re just connecting some dots.
Here are eight traits that often surface in adults brought up by self-centered parents. Let’s dive in.
1) Struggle with self-worth
One of the most common traits seen in adults raised by self-centered parents is a struggle with self-worth.
When parents constantly prioritize their own needs and desires over those of their children, it can send a powerful message to the child: you are not as important.
This belief, once internalized, can carry into adulthood and show up in a variety of ways. It may manifest as a constant need for validation, difficulty asserting oneself, or a tendency to stay in unhealthy relationships.
But remember, these are not definitive rules. Everyone is different and our experiences shape us in unique ways. It’s about understanding patterns, not assigning blame.
The key takeaway here is that a lack of self-worth is often an echo from a childhood spent in the shadow of self-centered parents. It’s not an inherent flaw of the individual, but a reflection of their upbringing.
2) Difficulty forming healthy relationships
Another trait often seen in adults raised by self-centered parents is a struggle to form and maintain healthy relationships.
Let me share a personal example. Growing up, my parents were often wrapped up in their own world. They were loving in their own way, but they rarely showed interest in my life or feelings. As a result, I grew up thinking this was normal.
Fast forward to adulthood and I found myself in relationships where my needs were constantly brushed aside. It took me years to realize that this wasn’t healthy, and that I deserved to be with someone who genuinely cared about my feelings and well-being.
Again, it’s not about blaming our parents or ourselves. It’s about recognizing these patterns so we can break free from them and form healthier relationships moving forward.
3) Hyper-awareness of others’ needs
Ironically, being raised by self-centered parents can sometimes result in adults who are extremely tuned into the needs and feelings of others. Why? Well, children of self-centered parents often become experts at reading their parents’ moods and anticipating their needs in an attempt to keep the peace at home.
This hyper-awareness can carry into adulthood, leading these individuals to be exceptional caregivers or empathetic friends. However, it can also result in them neglecting their own needs, as they’re so used to prioritizing others.
This behavior is common in many adults who were raised by self-centered parents. While this can make them incredibly understanding and supportive companions, it’s important for them to also prioritize their own needs and feelings.
4) Fear of confrontation
Growing up with self-centered parents often means growing up in an environment where expressing your feelings or disagreements can lead to conflict or dismissal. As a result, many adults raised in such households develop a fear of confrontation.
This doesn’t just mean avoiding big arguments. It can also manifest in small ways, like hesitating to send back incorrect orders at a restaurant or not voicing an opinion for fear of being judged.
It’s important to remember that healthy confrontation is a part of life and essential for maintaining balanced relationships. It’s okay to express your feelings and needs; in fact, it’s necessary for your personal growth and well-being.
5) Craving for validation
Growing up, weren’t we all eager for that pat on the back, the nod of approval, or a simple “well done” from our parents? It’s a universal feeling. But for those of us raised by self-centered parents, this craving for validation can be magnified.
Imagine being a child trying your hardest to please, to achieve, to be ‘enough’ for your parent’s attention or praise. But it rarely comes. This hunger for validation doesn’t just disappear as we become adults; it might lessen, change shape, but often it lingers.
It’s a tough journey, learning to validate oneself. To recognize that you are enough just as you are. But I promise you, it’s a journey worth taking. Because at the end of the day, your worth is not determined by someone else’s inability to see it.
6) Struggle with setting boundaries
Boundaries are like invisible lines that we draw to protect our wellbeing and happiness. They’re crucial in all relationships, including those with our parents. However, when you’re raised by self-centered parents, these lines often get blurred or even erased.
I remember the constant struggle I faced trying to establish my own space and individuality. My needs and preferences were often overlooked or dismissed, making it hard for me to understand the importance of personal boundaries.
As adults, this struggle can continue, making us prone to relationships where our boundaries are not respected. But it’s never too late to learn how to set and maintain healthy boundaries. It’s a journey of self-discovery and self-respect that starts with understanding your own worth.
7) Overachiever syndrome
Being raised by self-centered parents can often lead to a lingering drive for achievement. It’s as if there’s a little voice inside constantly saying, “If I just do more, achieve more, maybe then I’ll be acknowledged and valued.”
This can lead to what’s often referred to as “overachiever syndrome” in adulthood. Always striving, always pushing, yet rarely feeling satisfied or fulfilled.
While ambition is a positive trait, it’s important to balance it with self-care and the understanding that your value is not solely defined by your achievements. You are enough, just as you are.
8) Resilience and strength
Despite the challenges and struggles, one trait that shines brightly in adults raised by self-centered parents is resilience. The road may have been tough, but you’ve walked it, stumbled, and picked yourself up again and again. This journey has forged an inner strength that you might not even recognize.
Remember, your past doesn’t define you. It’s shaped you, yes, but it doesn’t have to limit your future. You have the power to break the cycle, to build healthier relationships, and to find your own path towards happiness and fulfillment.
A journey towards understanding
When it comes to human behavior and relationships, the impact of our childhood and upbringing is profound.
Let’s take a moment to reflect on a quote by British psychiatrist Donald Winnicott: “The way a child develops depends enormously on what the mother, the father, and society, in that order, do to the child.”
Growing up with self-centered parents can indeed shape us in distinct ways. The traits we’ve discussed are not absolute, but patterns that many adults raised by self-centered parents may identify with.
But remember, recognizing these traits is not about assigning blame or dwelling in victimhood. It’s about understanding our past and its impact on our present, so that we can navigate our future with more self-awareness and compassion.
The journey towards understanding and healing can be challenging but remember, every step you take is a step towards a stronger, resilient, and more empowered you.
