There’s a world of difference between having high self-worth and pretending to have it.
The difference is all about authenticity. When people have low self-worth, they often wear masks, pretending to be more than they are, to hide their insecurities.
Compensating for low self-worth can take many forms – from overachieving at work, to boasting about non-existent feats, to hiding behind material possessions. It’s all about creating an image of success and confidence, even when you’re feeling anything but.
In this article, I’ll be exploring eight common ways people compensate for low self-worth. And remember, acknowledging the problem is the first step towards addressing it.
1) Overachieving
When self-worth takes a hit, one common coping mechanism is becoming an overachiever.
This isn’t about healthy ambition or striving for personal growth. This is about an obsessive need to be the best, to constantly outdo oneself and others. It’s a relentless chase for external validation.
You’ll find these individuals working late hours, taking on more responsibilities than they can handle, and often sacrificing their health and relationships in the process. They believe that if they can just succeed enough, if they can just prove their worth through their achievements, then maybe they will feel good about themselves.
But the problem is, no amount of external success can fill the internal void of low self-worth. And so, the cycle continues.
Remember, it’s crucial to separate your worth from your accomplishments. You are more than what you do.
2) Materialism
Now, this is something I’ve personally struggled with. When self-esteem is low, there’s a tendency to try and compensate through material possessions.
I remember a time when I felt particularly low about myself – I had just gone through a tough breakup and my self-worth was on the floor. Instead of dealing with my feelings, I found myself obsessively shopping. I believed that if I looked successful and put-together on the outside, it would somehow make me feel better on the inside.
I ended up with a closet full of designer clothes and accessories, but guess what? It didn’t change how I felt about myself. In fact, it only added to my stress as I struggled with the financial aftermath of my shopping sprees.
Using material possessions as a measure of self-worth is a dangerous game. True self-esteem comes from within and can’t be bought in a store.
3) Perfectionism
Perfectionism might seem like a desirable trait, but it can often be a sign of low self-worth. Those who struggle with self-esteem often hold themselves to impossibly high standards, believing that anything less than perfect is unacceptable.
A study by the University of Bath and York St John University found that levels of perfectionism have risen significantly among young people over the last three decades. This increase was linked to societal pressure and the fear of not measuring up.
Living under the constant pressure to be perfect can be exhausting and detrimental to mental health. It’s important to remember that everyone makes mistakes, and it’s through these mistakes that we learn and grow. Accepting ourselves, flaws and all, is a key step towards improving self-worth.
4) People-pleasing
People with low self-worth often find themselves in a persistent pattern of people-pleasing. They constantly seek approval and validation from others, and they fear that saying no or asserting their own needs might lead to rejection or disapproval.
You’ll find them agreeing to things they don’t really want to do, suppressing their own opinions to avoid conflict, and going out of their way to make others happy, often at the expense of their own happiness.
While it’s great to be considerate and help others, it’s equally important to honor your own needs and boundaries. Remember, your worth is not dependent on other people’s approval. It’s okay to say no when you need to and prioritize your own well-being.
5) Neglecting self-care
When self-worth is low, taking care of oneself often falls by the wayside. It’s as if they believe they don’t deserve the time or effort it takes to maintain their own well-being.
They might neglect their physical health, eating poorly and skipping exercise. They might also ignore their emotional health, bottling up feelings and avoiding conversations about their mental state.
It’s a heartbreaking sight because everyone deserves to be taken care of, especially by themselves. Self-care isn’t a luxury, it’s a necessity. And realizing that you are worth that care is an important step in rebuilding self-worth.
So, take that walk in the park, have that bubble bath, read that book you’ve been meaning to. You’re worth it.
6) Fear of being alone
I’ve spent a lot of time in relationships that weren’t good for me. I stayed because I was terrified of being alone, because I believed that being in a bad relationship was better than not being in one at all.
I would ignore red flags, make excuses for poor behavior, and convince myself that if I just tried harder, loved more, things would get better. But they never did.
The fear of being alone can often stem from low self-worth. When you don’t value yourself, you settle for less than you deserve. But learning to enjoy your own company and realizing that you are enough on your own is a vital part of building self-worth.
7) Being overly defensive
When individuals struggle with low self-worth, they often become overly defensive. Even the smallest criticism or perceived slight can make them feel threatened, leading to an overreaction or an unnecessary argument.
They might interpret innocent comments as personal attacks, constantly feeling the need to defend themselves and their actions. It’s as if they’re always ready for a fight, poised to protect their fragile self-esteem.
But remember, not all criticism is a personal attack. Constructive feedback can help us grow and improve. It’s important to learn to take criticism on board without letting it shake our sense of self-worth.
8) Seeking constant reassurance
When self-worth is low, reassurance from others can become a lifeline. They constantly seek validation and reassurance, needing others to confirm their worth.
However, relying on external validation for self-worth is like trying to fill a sieve with water. It’s a never-ending cycle, as the reassurance provides only temporary relief before the doubts creep back in.
The key here is to learn to validate yourself. Your worth should never be dependent on what others think of you. You are enough, just as you are.
Final thoughts: It’s a journey
Understanding and shifting patterns of behavior related to low self-worth is a journey, not an overnight change.
Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” This acceptance is the foundation of building self-worth.
When we stop trying to prove ourselves and start accepting ourselves, we begin to break free from the relentless cycle of compensation. We begin to understand that our worth isn’t tied to our achievements, possessions, or what others think of us. We are intrinsically valuable, just as we are.
So let’s embark on this journey of self-discovery, armed with compassion and patience for ourselves. Because at the end of the day, we are all enough, just as we are. And that’s more than just a comforting thought – it’s an empowering reality.
