First impressions matter—a lot. And the way you greet someone can set the tone for the entire conversation.
Some greetings make people feel welcome and comfortable. Others? Not so much.
Whether it’s the wrong choice of words, a weird tone, or just an awkward delivery, certain greetings can instantly turn people off before you even get a chance to connect.
The good news? Avoiding them is easy once you know what to watch out for.
Here are eight common greetings that can make a bad first impression—and what to say instead.
1) what’s wrong with you?
This one should be obvious, but you’d be surprised how often people say it—sometimes even as a joke.
It might be meant playfully, but to the person hearing it, it can come across as rude, judgmental, or even aggressive. No one wants to feel like there’s something wrong with them the moment they meet someone new.
Even if you’re just reacting to something surprising or unexpected, there are better ways to express it. A simple “Oh really?” or “That’s interesting!” keeps the conversation flowing without making the other person feel uncomfortable.
First impressions stick—so ditch this greeting and start on a more positive note instead.
2) we’ve met before, remember?
I’ll never forget the time someone said this to me at a party.
They walked up with a big smile and said, “We’ve met before, remember?” And just like that, I felt instant pressure. My mind went blank as I frantically searched my memory, trying to recall when and where we had met.
The truth? I didn’t remember. And instead of feeling excited to talk, I just felt awkward and guilty.
This kind of greeting puts the other person on the spot. If they don’t remember you, they’ll feel uncomfortable. And if they do, it still comes across as a little confrontational.
A better approach? Just reintroduce yourself. Something like, “Hey, I think we’ve met before—I’m [your name]!” gives them a chance to place you without the pressure.
3) you look tired
Telling someone they look tired might seem like an innocent observation, but it rarely lands well.
In most cases, people hear it as, “You look bad.” No one wants to be told they have dark circles under their eyes or that they seem worn out—especially when meeting someone for the first time.
Lack of sleep affects how we look, but it also impacts how we feel. Studies have shown that sleep deprivation makes people more sensitive to negative emotions. So if someone really is tired, pointing it out is only going to make them feel worse.
Instead of commenting on someone’s appearance, stick to a simple and positive greeting like, “It’s great to see you!” That way, you start the conversation on the right foot.
4) not to be rude, but…
If a sentence starts with “Not to be rude, but…” you can almost guarantee that whatever comes next is going to be rude.
People use this phrase as a way to soften criticism, but it usually has the opposite effect. Instead of making a comment feel less harsh, it puts the other person on edge—like they’re about to be insulted.
When meeting someone for the first time, the last thing you want is to make them feel defensive. If you have something important to say, just be direct and polite. But if it’s unnecessary criticism? It’s best left unsaid.
5) you’ve lost weight!
Many people think this is a compliment, but it can actually be a loaded statement.
You never know why someone has lost weight—it could be due to stress, illness, or something deeply personal. Even if their weight loss was intentional, commenting on it places unnecessary focus on their body rather than who they are as a person.
The truth is, we never fully know what someone else is going through. A well-meaning remark might unintentionally bring up painful feelings or struggles.
Instead of making someone’s appearance the focus of your greeting, try something that uplifts them in a meaningful way. A simple “It’s great to see you!” or “You look happy!” shifts the energy toward positivity without making assumptions.
6) smile!
There was a time in my life when I heard this constantly. Walking down the street, standing in line, even at work—someone would always tell me to smile.
And every time, it made me feel the same way: annoyed, self-conscious, and a little frustrated.
No one likes being told how to feel. Maybe they’re deep in thought, having a tough day, or just not in the mood to force a smile for no reason. When you tell someone to smile, it can come across as dismissive, like their natural expression isn’t good enough.
If you want to brighten someone’s day, try offering a genuine smile yourself. Positivity is contagious—but only when it’s given freely, not demanded.
7) wow, you’re so tall/short!
Pointing out someone’s height the moment you meet them might seem harmless, but it can make them feel self-conscious.
For tall people, constantly hearing “Wow, you’re so tall!” can get old fast. And for shorter individuals, remarks about their height can sometimes feel patronizing. Either way, it’s not exactly a great way to start a conversation.
Most people have lived with their height their entire lives—it’s not new to them. Instead of making their physical appearance the focus of your greeting, find something more meaningful to comment on, like their energy or something they’re wearing.
A thoughtful observation goes a lot further than an obvious one.
8) nice to meet you… what do you do?
It’s one of the most common small talk questions, but leading with it can make a conversation feel transactional.
When the first thing you ask is about someone’s job, it can come across as if their value is tied to their work. Not everyone defines themselves by their career, and some people might be between jobs or in a role they don’t love.
A better way to connect? Ask something more open-ended, like “How’s your day going?” or “What’s been exciting for you lately?” This gives the other person the freedom to share what actually matters to them.
bottom line: words shape experiences
The way we greet people might seem like a small detail, but it can set the tone for an entire interaction.
Research in social psychology has shown that first impressions are formed within seconds, and once they’re made, they can be surprisingly difficult to change. A careless greeting—one that makes someone feel awkward, judged, or pressured—can create an invisible barrier before a real connection even has a chance to form.
On the other hand, a thoughtful greeting can make someone feel seen, valued, and comfortable. It’s not about being overly polished or rehearsed—it’s about being aware of how your words affect others.
Every conversation starts somewhere. The right words can open doors, while the wrong ones can quietly close them before you even realize it.
