We all wear masks, don’t we?
On the outside, we show the world what we want them to see—strong, put-together, maybe even perfect. But underneath, there’s a whole different story.
For so many, those hidden struggles go way back—rooted in childhood wounds that never got dealt with.
It’s like trying to hold a beach ball underwater, constantly fighting to keep it down, but it keeps pushing back to the surface.
Psychology shows that people carrying this kind of pain often show small, subtle signs of it.
These traits aren’t always obvious, but they’re like quiet signals of what’s going on inside.
In this article, we’re peeling back the layers and shedding light on 8 of those hidden traits that often come with unresolved childhood trauma.
1) Hyper-vigilance
Childhood trauma often leaves a lasting impact, making the world seem like a battlefield.
People who’ve experienced such trauma are often in a constant state of hyper-vigilance.
They are always on alert, ready for danger even when there’s none to be found.
In essence, it’s like they’re trying to fight or flee from threats that no longer exist.
This isn’t a conscious choice.
It’s their brain’s way of trying to keep them safe, based on past experiences.
But the reality is, it can be exhausting and crippling.
It can impact their relationships, work-life, and overall mental health.
2) Difficulty trusting others
Another common trait is the struggle to trust others.
This isn’t surprising considering that childhood trauma often involves betrayal by those who were supposed to be trusted figures.
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Let me share a personal example.
I have a friend, let’s call her Lisa, who was always wary of people, particularly those who tried to get close to her.
For a long time, I couldn’t understand her standoffish behavior. It wasn’t until she opened up about her traumatic childhood, marked by an abusive and manipulative caregiver, that her actions started making sense.
She had been conditioned to believe that people who should have looked out for her were the ones who hurt her the most. This led her to build emotional walls as a defense mechanism.
Trust issues like these aren’t easily overcome.
But with patience, understanding, and professional help, individuals like Lisa can learn to break down these walls and develop healthier relationships.
3) Emotional outbursts
Individuals grappling with unresolved childhood trauma often have difficulty regulating their emotions.
This can lead to seemingly unprovoked emotional outbursts.
These emotional outbursts are a manifestation of the turmoil within.
It’s as though the pain they’ve been holding in is suddenly released, often in response to something that may seem insignificant to others.
Research has found a strong link between childhood trauma and difficulties in emotion regulation in later life. A study in the Journal of Psychiatric Research found that individuals who had experienced childhood trauma were more likely to have emotional dysregulation as adults.
Such emotional volatility can be distressing for both the person experiencing it and those around them.
4) Intense fear of abandonment
Childhood is a critical period for forming secure attachments.
When this process is disrupted by trauma, it can leave a deep-seated fear of abandonment.
People with this trait are often terrified of being left alone or rejected. This fear can be so potent that it interferes with their ability to form and maintain healthy relationships.
They may cling to relationships, even toxic ones, out of fear of being alone. Alternatively, they might push people away preemptively to avoid the pain of potential rejection.
5) Distorted self-perception
Imagine looking at yourself in the mirror and only being able to see your flaws.
Imagine feeling like you’re never good enough, no matter how hard you try or how much you achieve.
This is the reality for many who continue to struggle with childhood trauma. Their self-perception is often distorted, marred by deep-seated feelings of unworthiness and shame.
The cruel part is, these feelings aren’t based on their actual qualities or achievements, but on the damaging messages they received in their formative years.
It’s heartbreaking to see someone so capable and full of potential, blinded to their own worth because of past trauma.
But there’s hope.
With professional help, they can begin to challenge these negative perceptions and learn to see themselves in a more positive light. They can begin to understand that they are not defined by their past, but by who they choose to become.
6) Difficulty forming close relationships
Opening up to someone, letting them in on your deepest thoughts, fears, and dreams isn’t always easy.
It’s even harder when you’ve been hurt in the past.
I’ve seen it in my own life. I had a tendency to keep people at arm’s length, not allowing anyone to see the real me. It was a protective mechanism, a way to prevent getting hurt again.
People who continue to struggle with childhood trauma often face this difficulty.
They wrestle with allowing themselves to be vulnerable and forming close relationships, as they fear the potential pain that might come with it.
7) Chronic physical ailments
The effects of childhood trauma aren’t limited to the mind.
They often manifest physically too.
Individuals carrying the weight of unresolved trauma may experience chronic physical ailments like migraines, digestive issues, or unexplained body aches.
The mind-body connection is incredibly strong. Our mental state can have a significant impact on our physical wellbeing.
When someone is constantly in a state of stress or anxiety due to unresolved trauma, it can trigger physical symptoms as the body’s way of signaling that something is wrong.
8) A tendency towards self-destructive behavior
Perhaps the most alarming trait is a propensity towards self-destructive behavior.
This could take the form of substance abuse, self-harm, or engaging in risky behaviors.
Such actions are often a desperate attempt to cope with the overwhelming pain they carry within. It’s as if they’re trying to drown out their emotional torment with physical pain or distraction.
This is probably the most critical sign that professional help is urgently needed.
It’s important to remember, though, that with the right support, individuals can learn healthier coping strategies and break free from this destructive cycle.
They don’t have to fight this battle alone.
Healing is possible
Trauma can leave scars that run deep, but it’s essential to remember that healing is possible.
The journey may be long and arduous, filled with challenges and setbacks, but every step taken towards healing is a victory.
Often, the first step is acknowledging the pain.
Recognizing these hidden traits can be a beacon of light, guiding those affected by childhood trauma towards the path of recovery.
Remember, trauma doesn’t have to define a person. It’s not the trauma, but how one chooses to heal from it that truly shapes who they become.
By understanding these traits and seeking professional help, individuals can reclaim their lives from the shadows of their past. They can write their own narrative, one filled with resilience, growth, and ultimately, healing.
After all, we are not just products of our past. We are architects of our future.
And in our hands lie the power to build a future where our past no longer holds us captive.
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