Building self-esteem isn’t always easy—it’s messy, uncomfortable, and deeply personal.
Some days, you might feel unstoppable, and other days, it’s like you’re drowning in self-doubt.
And then there are the habits—the sneaky ones that feel normal or even helpful but are actually holding you back.
I’ve been there, stuck in cycles that chipped away at my confidence without even realizing it. It wasn’t until I started letting go of these toxic patterns that I began to feel lighter, freer, and more sure of myself.
So, if you’re ready to stop being your own worst enemy and start showing up as your best self, let’s talk about the 8 habits that might be silently sabotaging you.
1) Comparing yourself to others
We’ve all been there. Scrolling through social media, seeing someone’s “perfect” life and feeling a pang of envy or inadequacy.
But here’s the thing – comparison is the thief of joy.
In fact, it’s one of the most toxic habits when it comes to self-esteem. It’s like running a race while constantly looking over your shoulder at the other runners. You’ll end up tripping over your own feet.
Instead of focusing on others, turn your attention to yourself. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small they might seem. Recognize your progress and appreciate your journey.
Everyone is on their own unique path. Don’t let someone else’s highlight reel make you feel inferior.
2) Negative Self-Talk
I’ll be honest, this was a tough one for me to overcome.
There was a time in my life when I was my own worst critic. I constantly berated myself over the smallest mistakes.
I remember once, after making a minor error in a work presentation, I spent the rest of the day dwelling on it, telling myself how stupid I was for messing up.
But then I realized, would I be this harsh on a friend if they made the same mistake? Of course not!
Negative self-talk is a habit that can chip away at your confidence over time, leaving you feeling inadequate and unworthy.
The key to breaking this habit is to become aware of it and then consciously work on replacing negative thoughts with positive ones.
It’s not easy, I won’t lie. But with time and practice, you can transform your inner critic into your biggest cheerleader.
Trust me, it’s an effort that pays off in a big way when it comes to boosting your self-esteem.
3) Perfectionism
Perfectionism might seem like a desirable trait. After all, who wouldn’t want to be perfect? But in reality, it’s a toxic habit that can be detrimental to your self-esteem.
A study conducted by the University of Arizona and York University of Canada found that perfectionistic tendencies could lead to an increased risk of suicide. This is because the pressure of living up to an unattainable standard can cause severe emotional distress.
Striving for excellence is commendable. But obsessing over every little detail and fearing any form of failure can prevent you from taking risks and trying new things.
Embrace the fact that you are human and humans make mistakes. It’s how we learn and grow. So, aim for progress, not perfection. Your self-esteem will thank you for it.
4) Not setting boundaries
Setting boundaries is an important part of maintaining healthy relationships and preserving your self-esteem.
It’s about understanding and respecting your limits and making sure others do too.
When you constantly say ‘yes’ to everything, you can end up feeling overwhelmed and undervalued. You might start to resent others for taking advantage of you, or even worse, resent yourself for not standing up for your needs.
It’s okay to say ‘no’ sometimes. It’s okay to prioritize your wellbeing. And it’s absolutely okay to distance yourself from people who don’t respect your boundaries.
5) Seeking validation from others
This one is close to my heart because I know how much it hurts to feel like you’re not enough unless someone else says you are.
But here’s the truth: Your worth isn’t determined by other people’s opinions of you. It’s determined by your own opinion of yourself.
When you constantly seek validation from others, you’re handing over your power to them. You’re letting them decide your value. And that can wreak havoc on your self-esteem.
So, let’s take back that power. Let’s start validating ourselves. Celebrate your accomplishments, acknowledge your growth, and love yourself for who you are, not for what others think of you.
6) Avoiding new experiences
I used to let fear hold me back.
The fear of the unknown, the fear of failure, the fear of stepping out of my comfort zone. I would stick to what was familiar, even if it wasn’t fulfilling.
But this habit of avoiding new experiences wasn’t doing my self-esteem any favors. It kept me stuck in a rut, unable to grow.
So I pushed myself to try new things. I started small – a new breakfast spot, a different route to work. And then I went bigger – a solo trip overseas, a career change.
And guess what? With each new experience, my confidence grew. I learned that I could adapt, that I could handle challenges, that I was capable of more than I thought.
7) Ignoring self-care
Self-care is not just about bubble baths and spa days.
It’s about taking care of your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. It’s about nurturing yourself in a way that helps you be the best version of yourself.
Unfortunately, in our hustle-bustle world, self-care often takes a backseat. We push ourselves to the brink of exhaustion, trying to meet deadlines, fulfill responsibilities, and achieve goals.
But neglecting self-care is a toxic habit that can erode your self-esteem. It sends a message that you’re not worth the time and effort.
So make self-care a priority. Eat nutritious food, get enough sleep, exercise regularly, take breaks when needed, and engage in activities that make you happy.
When you take care of yourself, you’re telling yourself that you’re important. And that can do wonders for your self-esteem.
8) Not acknowledging your worth
You are valuable. You are deserving. You are worth every bit of love, respect, and kindness that the world has to offer.
Forgetting or neglecting to acknowledge your worth is perhaps the most destructive habit when it comes to self-esteem.
It’s like trying to fill a bucket with a hole in the bottom – no matter how much positivity or success you pour in, it will never feel full if you don’t recognize your inherent worth.
So look yourself in the mirror each day and remind yourself of your value. Say it out loud if you need to. Write it down. Do whatever it takes to believe it.
Because once you truly understand and accept your worth, your self-esteem will know no bounds.
The journey begins with you
The process of building self-esteem is deeply personal and intrinsically tied to your own self-perception.
The power to build your self-esteem lies within you. It’s in the words you tell yourself, the actions you take, and the habits you cultivate.
Eliminating these eight toxic habits is a step in the right direction. But remember, this is a journey, not a destination. There will be setbacks and moments of doubt.
But in those moments, remind yourself of your worth, your strength, and your capability to grow. Because you are more than enough, just as you are.
