I’ve spent a large chunk of my professional life focused on brand strategy, dissecting how words influence the way others see a company or individual.
Over time, I noticed this principle isn’t limited to marketing—it’s just as relevant when we talk to friends, colleagues, or even strangers on a flight. In many instances, what we say can make people immediately warm up to us or send them running for the door.
If you’re aiming for more positive interactions, I suggest kicking these eight phrases out of your vocabulary.
I’ve dropped each of them myself at some point, and I can confirm they rarely lead to the smooth, trust-building discussions we all crave.
1. “No offense, but…”
I’ve blurted this out plenty of times in my younger years, thinking it provided a shield to say something blunt or critical.
But in my experience, it has the opposite effect. Starting with “No offense, but…” almost guarantees offense will be taken. It’s like saying, “Brace yourself, I’m about to say something you won’t like.” That sets a negative tone instantly.
How can you fix it? If you’re about to offer criticism, consider softening your approach.
Instead of “No offense, but that idea stinks,” try, “I see the effort you put in here, but I think we might need to tweak a few areas for it to work.” You’ll be amazed by how a slight change in phrasing can keep conversations constructive.
And remember: If you have to flag it as “no offense,” that’s a cue to maybe re-evaluate whether you need to phrase it differently—or say it at all.
2. “I’m just being honest.”
I used to think I was doing people a favor by “telling it like it is.” That was me rationalizing my bluntness under the guise of honesty.
Let’s be real: There’s a big difference between constructive criticism and harsh commentary. When you tack on “I’m just being honest,” it can come across as self-serving, like you’re prioritizing your need to speak freely over the other person’s feelings.
Constructive honesty doesn’t need a disclaimer. If you’re truly aiming to help, present your thoughts clearly, add some genuine empathy, and skip the phrase.
The crew at The Gottman Institute sheds light on this, noting that healthy communication supports deeper trust and emotional safety.
Tread carefully when labeling something as “honesty.” Otherwise, you risk sidelining compassion and damaging rapport.
3. “Actually, you should…”
This one might sound harmless, but I’ve discovered that beginning your feedback with “Actually…” often comes across as dismissive.
It can feel like you’re swooping in to correct someone, as if you’re the all-knowing authority. While your intention might be to steer a friend or coworker in a better direction, leading with “Actually, you should…” may spark defensiveness.
Try pivoting your approach: “Have you considered…” or “I’ve found it helpful to…” That way, you’re opening a door for collaboration rather than forcing your viewpoint.
When I consult in brand strategy or even chat with friends, I often use language that puts us on the same team. People naturally respond better to suggestions that feel like a shared discovery rather than an edict from on high.
4. “You always/never…”
Sweeping generalizations like “You always do this” or “You never listen” rarely solve anything.
In fact, from my observation, they immediately push people to argue the exception: “That’s not true! I do listen sometimes!” Suddenly, you’re in a back-and-forth about the frequency of the behavior instead of tackling the real issue at hand.
If you’re hoping to see change, pinpoint the specific moment: “When you interrupted me earlier, I felt unheard.” That focus on the particular instance lets someone see the exact scenario you’re referencing, making it easier to understand your perspective.
It’s a lesson I learned the hard way in a client meeting once. I used an “always” phrase and ended up in a mini-argument about how “always” is rarely accurate. It taught me to state the specific situation and address that.
5. “Calm down.”
I have yet to see those two words defuse a tense situation.
Telling someone to “calm down” rarely inspires calm. More often, it suggests you’re minimizing their feelings or ignoring the issue that made them upset in the first place.
In my personal experience, hearing it feels dismissive, as if the person telling me to calm down just wants to brush aside my emotions.
A better route is to validate their perspective—even if you don’t fully agree—and then find a solution together. Sometimes a simple “I get why you’re upset—let’s see how we can fix it” shifts the entire tone.
Because when someone’s boiling over, your first step should be empathy, not a demand that they flip an imaginary emotional switch.
6. “I told you so.”
I grew up with siblings, so this phrase floated around my house more often than I’d like to admit.
In adulthood, I notice it creeping in during heated debates or workplace tensions. But as gratifying as “I told you so” might feel in the moment, it rarely fosters good will. It throws salt in the wound and makes you look smug.
When someone realizes they made a mistake, it’s more helpful (and more compassionate) to simply acknowledge the lessons learned and move on.
If you really want to build stronger relationships, skip the gloating. Ask them what their next steps might be, or offer a helping hand.
It’s more likely to keep the relationship on an even keel, and they’ll see you as a supportive partner instead of an “I told you so” scoreboard keeper.
7. “Whatever.”
That single word can be a conversation-ender—one that leaves a sour note.
On its surface, “whatever” might come across as indifferent or dismissive. At times, I’ve slipped into using it when I felt done with a topic or just didn’t want to talk anymore. But shutting people down like that can harm your likability pretty quickly.
Instead, if you need space or time to think, say so: “I need a minute to gather my thoughts—can we circle back to this?” This approach leaves room for ongoing dialogue rather than abruptly cutting it off.
Plus, it shows you respect the other person’s concerns enough to revisit the topic later, rather than tossing out a dismissive “whatever.”
8. “That’s not how we do it here.”
I’ve heard this phrase (and used it myself) in many workplaces, especially when someone new suggests a process that doesn’t quite align with the usual playbook.
The subtext is: “We’re not open to new ideas, so don’t bother.” That’s a sure way to stifle creativity and alienate people who might otherwise bring fresh insights to your team or social circle.
Try shifting to a mindset of curiosity: “That’s a different approach; can you walk me through why you think it might work?” You can always decide later if the idea aligns with your goals or values. But immediately shutting it down kills the conversation—and with it, a chance to learn something new.
When I consulted for brands, I learned the importance of hearing out unusual ideas—sometimes they led to the best campaigns we ever launched.
Rewriting the script
In conversations, our phrases matter.
I can’t stress enough how even a tiny tweak in how we phrase something can completely shift the dynamic between two people.
Analysts over at Mayo Clinic confirm that thoughtful communication can lower stress and build stronger bonds. When we’re mindful of our words, we create an environment where ideas can flow freely and relationships grow deeper.
Personally, I catch myself re-evaluating my language every day—especially when I’m under pressure. I still slip up. But I notice that each time I adjust a phrase or lead with a softer tone, the result is a more productive, respectful conversation.
Maybe the next time you’re on the verge of saying “I told you so,” you’ll consider a gentler, more supportive response. Small changes in conversation can open big doors in trust and mutual respect.
That’s my challenge for you: Look at these eight phrases and decide which one sneaks into your daily vocabulary most often. Then find a better way to express the same thought.
Over time, you’ll notice less friction, more warmth, and a whole lot more likability. You won’t always get it perfect; I know I don’t. But every interaction is a chance to practice and improve.
Here’s to your next step forward.
