Sometimes, the person looking back at us in the mirror isn’t the self we hoped we’d become.
It can happen so gradually that we don’t even notice it right away.
If you’ve ever felt a nagging sense that you’re drifting off-course—like you’re morphing into someone you don’t recognize—know that you’re not alone. I’ve seen it happen with many of my clients in counseling sessions, and I’ve faced my own close calls over the years.
Fortunately, there are certain red flags that can help us spot this transformation before it goes too far.
Today on Blog Herald, I want to share 9 of these subtle (and not-so-subtle) signals to watch out for.
1) You’re ignoring your inner compass
Have you ever noticed a small voice in your head that warns you when something feels off? Whether it’s a twinge of guilt, a hint of anxiety, or just a stubborn sense that things aren’t right, that voice is your intuition.
In the early days of my counseling career, I’d see this pattern in clients who were ignoring their gut feelings. And ironically, they often ended up in situations that clashed with their deepest values.
When we repeatedly brush aside our intuition, we start to lose our sense of self. We become more susceptible to external influences, and before we know it, we’re drifting in directions we never wanted to go.
As Brené Brown says, “Choosing courage over comfort; choosing what is right over what is fun, fast, or easy; and choosing to practice our values rather than simply professing them.”
If you find yourself favoring comfort over that brave inner voice too often, it’s a warning sign.
2) You’re constantly seeking approval
Ever catch yourself refreshing social media every five minutes, hoping for just a few more likes or comments? Or maybe you’re always fishing for praise from coworkers, friends, or family.
Seeking validation is normal to a degree—we’re social creatures. But when your sense of self-worth hinges on others’ opinions, you’re on shaky ground.
In my own life, I’ve had moments where a client’s praise (or the lack of it) made me question my entire career direction. That’s when I realized it’s not healthy to let external approval define our self-esteem.
Remember what Michelle Obama once said: “Am I good enough? Yes, I am.”
If you doubt your worth until someone else confirms it, it might be a sign you’re drifting away from the confident person you want to be.
3) Your emotions are dominated by negativity
This often shows up as anger, frustration, or cynicism creeping into your daily interactions.
When I was finishing my book, “Breaking The Attachment: How To Overcome Codependency in Your Relationship,” I interviewed individuals who found themselves lashing out over small triggers, as though a switch had been flipped in their personality.
Yes, life throws curveballs. But if you’re constantly snapping at others, or your default mode is annoyed or angry, it may be time to ask yourself: “What’s really going on here?”
Often, chronic negativity signals that something deeper is out of alignment.
As Tony Robbins says, “Where focus goes, energy flows.”
If your focus has drifted toward darkness and snippy reactions, take it seriously—this could be pointing to a bigger internal shift you don’t want.
4) You’ve drifted from your core values
“It’s not hard to make decisions once you know what your values are,” the late Roy E. Disney famously observed.
Yet, it’s all too easy to push our moral compass to the side in pursuit of success, acceptance, or fleeting pleasures.
Maybe you once valued honesty above everything, but lately, you catch yourself telling white lies to avoid conflict or gain leverage. Or perhaps loyalty was a keystone trait you admired, but now you’re ducking out on commitments just to keep things convenient.
When your once-important principles no longer guide your choices, you risk morphing into someone who barely resembles the person you once aspired to be. Trust me, this is something I’ve seen time and again in my practice.
People wake up one day and can’t believe how far they’ve strayed. If you sense your decisions are contradicting your deepest truths, it’s time to realign.
5) You’ve become socially withdrawn
Sometimes, I love a quiet afternoon. In fact, I’ve shared in a previous post how I occasionally turn to solitude for reflection.
But there’s a big difference between healthy alone time and consistent withdrawal from the people who genuinely care about you. It might start with canceling a few hangouts, letting messages go unanswered, or ghosting friends because you just “can’t deal” with them.
Susan Cain, author of “Quiet,” reminds us that solitude can be a healthy recharge. But there’s a line between recharging and outright retreating from supportive connections.
If your isolation stems from shame, confusion, or a fear of exposing how you’re really feeling, it might be a sign you’re slipping into a version of yourself that shuns authenticity and closeness.
6) Your passions are slipping away
When was the last time you got excited about something?
Whether it’s a hobby, a side project, or a creative endeavor, feeling passionate is one of the best markers of a fulfilled life. Yet, if you’ve started to notice that what once lit you up—painting, playing music, writing, cooking, volunteering—barely sparks any interest, it’s a red flag.
I recall speaking to a client who was a brilliant photographer; her eyes would sparkle when she talked about capturing the perfect shot. Over time, she let the demands of her job overshadow her passion. Soon enough, she couldn’t even recall why she used to love photography.
Disinterest in our passions can signal a loss of self, especially if we’re ignoring that emptiness. Reconnecting with the activities we love is often the first step back to authenticity.
7) You feel chronically drained
Sometimes, warning signs show up physically.
If you wake up more exhausted than when you went to bed, or you feel a lingering heaviness that coffee can’t fix, take note.
While there are many potential medical reasons for persistent fatigue, it’s also possible that a mental or emotional upheaval is behind it.
I’ve read about studies indicating that chronic stress, inner conflict, and failing to live in alignment with your authentic self can lead to sleep disturbances and low energy.
As Daniel Goleman, author of “Emotional Intelligence,” has noted, emotional turmoil can be just as draining as physical strain.
If you find that your exhaustion has no clear external cause, it may be a sign you’re wrestling with internal conflict—pulling you further away from the person you’d like to be.
8) You can’t stop comparing yourself to others
Comparison is a thief of joy—Theodore Roosevelt’s quote on this rings so true.
If you’re constantly scrolling through social media feeling pangs of envy, or if you judge your own progress based on someone else’s timeline, you could be steering off course.
I once had a colleague who told me, “I’m failing at life because my friend just got her dream job, and I’m stuck.” That kind of self-talk can be brutal.
Sure, healthy comparisons might motivate us to level up, but when you’re drowning in dissatisfaction because you don’t match someone else’s highlight reel, you’re losing sight of your own unique journey. Your worth shouldn’t be measured by how well you stack up against others’ curated images.
9) You make excuses for toxic or unhealthy behavior
Last but definitely not least, if you find yourself brushing off destructive habits—be it excessive drinking, emotional eating, or running from one toxic relationship to the next—it’s time to pause.
When we start rationalizing harmful actions or pretending they’re normal, we’re drifting further from the best version of ourselves.
I once encountered a client who admitted she knew her constant partying was out of control. Still, she downplayed it as “networking” or “letting off steam.” It wasn’t until she came face-to-face with the consequences—lost job opportunities, damaged relationships—that she realized how far she’d strayed.
As Maya Angelou famously said, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”
If you’re not living by that credo, and you’re making excuses for unhelpful behaviors, this might be your biggest wake-up call.
Final thoughts
Recognizing that you might be transforming into someone you don’t truly want to be can be scary, but it’s also an opportunity. Awareness opens the door to change, realignment, and growth.
If any of these signs hit too close to home, don’t panic. Instead, see it as a chance to steer back onto the path where your values, passions, and authentic self can thrive.
Sometimes, all it takes is a little reflection to course-correct—journaling, honest chats with friends, or seeking professional help if things feel overwhelming. It’s never too late to reconnect with who you really are.
Ultimately, you have the power to choose your direction, even if you’ve wandered off-track for a while.
So, if you’ve glimpsed someone in the mirror who doesn’t feel like the real you, trust that you can still make a shift. The act of reading this post alone tells me you’re ready to do just that.
Keep listening to your inner compass, holding tight to your core values, and showing up for the life—and person—you genuinely want to be.
