Family is supposed to be our safe haven, but let’s be honest—not every family member brings positivity into our lives. Some relationships can be draining, toxic, or even harmful to our well-being.
Just because someone is family doesn’t mean you have to tolerate their negativity. Psychology shows that certain types of family members can have a lasting impact on your mental and emotional health.
And while cutting ties isn’t always necessary, keeping some distance can be the healthiest choice.
Here are seven types of family members you’re better off keeping at arm’s length—for the sake of your own peace and happiness.
1) The perpetual critic
We all have that one family member who always finds something wrong with what we do. No matter how much we achieve or how hard we try, they always have a negative comment or a backhanded compliment ready.
Constant criticism, especially from someone close, can take a real toll on your self-esteem.
Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” But it’s hard to accept yourself when someone is constantly pointing out your flaws.
While constructive feedback can help us grow, relentless negativity does the opposite—it makes us doubt ourselves and feel like we’re never good enough.
If a family member is always tearing you down instead of lifting you up, it might be time to put some space between you and their words.
2) The emotional drain
I used to have a family member who only reached out when they needed something—usually emotional support.
At first, I was happy to be there for them, but over time, I started noticing a pattern. Every conversation revolved around their problems, their struggles, their frustrations. And whenever I needed support? They were nowhere to be found.
Psychologist Daniel Goleman, who popularized the idea of emotional intelligence, once said, “True compassion means not only feeling another’s pain but also being moved to help relieve it.”
But with an emotional drain, the compassion is always one-sided. You’re expected to listen, to comfort, to give—but you rarely receive that same care in return.
It took me a while to realize that this relationship was leaving me exhausted and emotionally depleted. Setting boundaries didn’t mean I stopped caring; it just meant I started protecting my own energy.
When you have a family member who constantly drains you without giving anything back, some distance might be exactly what you need.
3) The master of guilt
Some family members have a way of making you feel guilty for simply living your life. They act as if your choices—where you live, who you date, how you spend your time—are personal betrayals.
And they don’t ask for things outright; instead, they sigh, make passive-aggressive comments, or remind you of everything they’ve done for you in the past.
I used to fall for it every time. I’d rearrange my plans, put my needs aside, and do whatever it took to keep the peace. But the truth is, guilt is a form of emotional control, not love.
As psychologist Albert Ellis once said, “Stop shoulding on yourself.” No one has the right to make you feel like a bad person for setting boundaries or making choices that are best for you.
If a family member constantly makes you feel guilty just for being yourself, it’s worth asking: is this relationship built on love or control? Because real love doesn’t require sacrificing your happiness to avoid someone else’s disappointment.
4) The competitor
Family is supposed to be a source of support, but some relatives see everything as a competition. No matter what you accomplish, they have to one-up you.
Got a promotion? They remind you that they’ve been making more money for years. Excited about a personal milestone? They downplay it and shift the focus back to themselves.
I used to think this was normal—just a little family rivalry. But over time, I realized it wasn’t about pushing each other to be better; it was about them needing to feel superior.
Instead of celebrating each other’s successes, every achievement became a comparison. And honestly? It was exhausting.
Psychologist Alfred Adler once said, “The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.” In other words, everyone has insecurities.
But when someone’s insecurity turns your relationship into a constant competition, it stops being healthy. You deserve family who cheer for you, not ones who see your wins as their losses.
5) The overly involved
At first, it seems like a blessing—having a family member who is deeply invested in your life.
They want to know everything: how work is going, who you’re dating, what decisions you’re making. They offer advice (even when you didn’t ask), check in constantly, and always seem to have an opinion on what you should do next.
It took me a while to realize that this wasn’t just love—it was control disguised as concern. There’s a fine line between support and over-involvement, and when family members cross it, they can make it hard for you to trust yourself.
As psychologist Erik Erikson put it, “The more you know yourself, the more patience you have for what you see in others.”
But when someone is always inserting themselves into your decisions, it can keep you from truly knowing yourself at all.
Independence isn’t rejection. It’s okay to love family while also keeping some parts of your life just for you. If someone can’t respect that, a little distance might be necessary—for your own growth and peace of mind.
6) The drama magnet
Some family members thrive on chaos. There’s always a crisis, always an argument, always something going wrong—and somehow, they always pull you into it. They gossip, pit people against each other, and turn small issues into full-blown battles.
For years, I felt obligated to listen and get involved. I thought being a good family member meant helping them navigate the endless drama.
But I eventually realized that no matter how much advice I gave or how many fires I tried to put out, nothing ever changed. That’s when I understood—some people don’t want solutions; they just want an audience.
As Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” When I stepped back, I saw how much energy I was wasting on problems that weren’t mine to fix.
If a family member constantly pulls you into drama that drains you, it’s okay to take a step back. Protecting your peace isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
7) The boundary breaker
No matter how many times you set a boundary, this family member ignores it. They show up unannounced, pry into your personal life, or push conversations into topics you’ve already said you’re uncomfortable discussing.
And if you try to reinforce your limits? They act offended, as if boundaries are a personal attack rather than a form of self-respect.
I used to struggle with this. I’d second-guess myself, wondering if I was being too harsh or ungrateful. But then I realized something: people who respect you will respect your boundaries.
As psychologist Brené Brown puts it, “Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves even when we risk disappointing others.”
Setting limits doesn’t mean you don’t love your family—it means you also love yourself. And if someone refuses to honor your boundaries time and time again, creating distance isn’t just an option—it’s a necessity for your well-being.
