We all know someone who just drains our energy every time we’re around them.
It’s not about a bad day or a tough period—they consistently leave us feeling exhausted, frustrated, or overwhelmed.
The truth is, certain behaviors make a person difficult to be around, and psychology offers some clear reasons why. While no one is perfect, recognizing these traits can help us set boundaries and protect our own well-being.
And if you see yourself in any of them? It might be time for some self-reflection.
Here are eight traits that make a woman exhausting to be around—according to psychology.
1) Constant negativity
We all have bad days, but some people seem to thrive on negativity.
No matter the situation, they find something to complain about, criticize, or worry over.
Constant negativity isn’t just frustrating—it’s emotionally draining. Being around someone who always focuses on the worst can leave you feeling depleted, even if your day started off great.
Psychologist Martin Seligman, known for his work on positive psychology, once said, “Optimists endure the same storms in life as pessimists. But they weather them better and emerge from them stronger.”
The problem with habitual negativity is that it doesn’t just bring down the person experiencing it—it pulls everyone around them into that storm. If someone refuses to see solutions or silver linings, it can make every conversation feel like an uphill battle.
While we should all be supportive of friends going through tough times, constantly absorbing someone else’s negativity can take a toll on our own mental well-being.
2) Making everything about them
I once had a friend who could turn any conversation into a story about herself.
It didn’t matter what we were talking about—work stress, family issues, even exciting news—she always found a way to shift the focus back to her own experiences.
At first, I didn’t think much of it, but over time, I started feeling invisible in our friendship.
Psychologist Carl Rogers, a pioneer in humanistic psychology, once said, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good.”
And that’s exactly the problem—when someone constantly redirects conversations to themselves, they aren’t really listening.
Relationships thrive on mutual support and understanding. When one person always dominates the discussion, it leaves little room for genuine connection.
Over time, being around someone like this can feel exhausting because your thoughts and feelings never truly get the space they deserve.
3) Playing the victim
We all go through tough times, and sometimes life is genuinely unfair.
But there’s a difference between facing hardship and constantly framing yourself as the victim in every situation.
I’ve known people who never take responsibility for anything—every failure, every conflict, every bad decision is always someone else’s fault. At first, you sympathize. You want to be there for them.
But after a while, you start to notice the pattern. Nothing ever changes because, in their mind, they’re powerless.
Psychologist Alfred Adler once said, “The only normal people are the ones you don’t know very well.”
We all have struggles, but how we respond to them matters.
If someone always sees themselves as the victim, they’re giving up their own power to change things. And worse? They drain the energy of everyone around them with their endless cycle of blame and self-pity.
Being around someone like this is exhausting because no matter what advice or support you offer, it never seems to help. They don’t want solutions—they just want an audience for their suffering.
4) Never apologizing
I used to know someone who could never admit when she was wrong.
No matter the situation, she always had an excuse, a justification, or a reason why it wasn’t really her fault. Even when she clearly hurt someone, she’d twist the story until she became the victim or simply act like nothing happened.
Psychologist Harriet Lerner, who has studied relationships for decades, once said, “The courage to apologize wisely and well is not just a gift to the injured person; it is a gift to one’s self.”
A real apology shows emotional maturity, accountability, and respect for others.
But when someone refuses to apologize, it creates a toxic dynamic. It makes you question your own feelings and experiences. It forces you to carry the weight of unresolved tension. And over time, it teaches you that your emotions don’t really matter to them.
Nobody is perfect—we all mess up. But if someone can’t own their mistakes, they make every relationship harder than it needs to be.
5) Being too nice
It sounds strange, right? How could someone be too nice?
But I’ve learned that when a person is overly agreeable, never sets boundaries, and constantly puts others before themselves, it can actually be exhausting to be around them.
At first, it seems kind and selfless. But over time, it creates an imbalance.
You start feeling guilty asking for anything because you know they’ll say yes—even when they don’t want to. You wonder if they’re being honest or just avoiding conflict. And eventually, their bottled-up resentment spills out in passive-aggressive ways.
Psychologist Jordan Peterson put it bluntly: “If you’re not capable of cruelty, you are absolutely a victim to anyone who is.”
In other words, always being “nice” at the expense of your own needs isn’t kindness—it’s self-neglect.
Healthy relationships require honesty, boundaries, and mutual respect. When someone refuses to assert themselves, it doesn’t just hurt them—it creates a dynamic where real connection and trust can’t fully exist.
6) Craving drama
Some people don’t just experience drama—they create it.
If things are calm for too long, they’ll find a way to stir up conflict, spread gossip, or turn small issues into full-blown crises. Being around someone like this feels like walking on eggshells because you never know when the next explosion is coming.
Psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”
And that’s the thing—people who constantly seek drama are often avoiding something within themselves. Instead of dealing with their own emotions, they project their chaos onto everyone else.
At first, it might seem entertaining or even exciting. But eventually, the nonstop emotional rollercoaster becomes exhausting.
Healthy relationships aren’t built on constant tension and conflict—they’re built on stability, trust, and mutual respect.
7) Always needing to be right
I once had a coworker who just had to win every argument.
It didn’t matter if the discussion was about work, weekend plans, or even something as trivial as the best way to brew coffee—she would argue her point relentlessly, refusing to back down.
Even when presented with clear evidence that she was wrong, she’d double down, twist the facts, or change the subject entirely.
Psychologist Adam Grant put it perfectly: “The mark of lifelong learners is recognizing that they can learn something from everyone they meet.”
But when someone always needs to be right, they aren’t listening to learn—they’re listening to win.
Talking to a person like this is exhausting because every conversation feels like a battle. There’s no room for open discussion or differing opinions—only their need to prove their superiority.
And after a while, you stop engaging altogether because it’s just not worth the fight.
8) Draining your energy without giving anything back
Some people take and take and take—your time, your emotional support, your energy—without ever offering anything in return.
They unload their problems on you, expect you to listen, comfort them, and be there whenever they need… but when you need support?
They’re suddenly too busy or uninterested.
I’ve had friendships like this, and I didn’t realize how much they were weighing me down until I finally stepped back. The truth is, one-sided relationships aren’t real relationships. They’re emotional labor disguised as connection.
Psychologist Brené Brown once said, “We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known.”
But when someone only shows up when they need something, that’s not real vulnerability—it’s dependency.
Friendship, love, and connection should be a two-way street. If someone consistently takes more than they give, it’s only a matter of time before you’re left feeling empty and emotionally drained.
Final thoughts
Being around someone who consistently exhibits these traits isn’t just tiring—it’s emotionally damaging.
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and balance, not on one person constantly taking without giving. It’s essential to recognize when someone is exploiting your emotional resources, and more importantly, to know when it’s time to walk away.
Protect your peace and set boundaries—because no one else will do it for you.
