7 subtle things narcissists do to make you feel like the bad guy, says psychology

If you’ve dated or been friends with a narcissist, you may have noticed some patterns in their behavior that left you feeling like the villain in your own story.

A relationship with a narcissist often involves subtle manipulations that can leave you questioning your own worth or reality. You might even find yourself apologizing when you’re not at fault, or feeling guilty for expressing your feelings.

Narcissism is a recognized mental health condition, not a chosen behavior. It’s important to remember that everyone’s experience with a narcissist can be different, and can present its own set of unique challenges.

But understanding these subtle tactics utilized by narcissists could help you navigate these complex relationships better.

This piece aims to shed light on some common behaviors of narcissists and how they can impact you.

1) They twist your words

One of the subtle manipulations narcissists often employ is twisting your words to make themselves look like the victim. For example, you might express a concern or share how you feel about something they did.

Instead of acknowledging your feelings, they turn the tables and accuse you of attacking them or being overly sensitive.

This effectively shifts the focus from their actions to your reaction, making you feel like the bad guy for merely trying to express your feelings.

You might end up feeling guilty or second-guessing yourself, even though you were initially trying to address a legitimate concern.

This tactic not only allows the narcissist to avoid taking responsibility for their actions, but it also undermines your confidence and self-esteem. By constantly making you doubt your own perceptions, they maintain control over the relationship and keep you off balance.

2) They praise you excessively

It might sound odd, but excessive praise can be another subtle strategy narcissists use to make you feel like the bad guy. Initially, being showered with compliments can feel good and you might think it’s a sign of the narcissist’s affection or admiration for you.

However, this flattery often has a hidden purpose. It sets a high bar for your behavior and creates an expectation that you always need to be perfect.

The moment you fail to meet these unrealistic standards, they use this as an opportunity to play the victim and accuse you of not being the person they once admired.

In effect, they make you feel guilty for not living up to an image they’ve created of you, making you question your self-worth and abilities. Over time, this can erode your confidence and make you dependent on their approval.

3) They gaslight you

Gaslighting is a common tactic narcissists use to make you feel like the bad guy.

This involves manipulating someone to doubt their memory, perception, or sanity. For example, a narcissist might deny that an argument or event ever took place, or insist that you’re remembering it all wrong.

This is particularly damaging because our memories influence our reality and self-perception. When a narcissist continuously challenges your recollection of events, you might start questioning your memory and judgment.

You may even find yourself apologizing for things you didn’t do or accepting blame for situations that weren’t your fault. This continuous self-doubt and confusion can lead to a state of cognitive dissonance, where your reality doesn’t match up with what the narcissist is telling you.

It’s important to trust your own memories and perceptions. Consider keeping a journal of incidents or conversations as a way of affirming your reality when it’s being questioned.

4) They play the victim

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you might often find that they paint themselves as the victim. They might share elaborate stories of past injustices or exaggerate minor issues to gain sympathy.

This is a subtle way of shifting blame and responsibility. If they’re always the victim, then by default, you become the perpetrator. This can be incredibly confusing and hurtful, especially when you know you’ve done nothing wrong.

You might find yourself perpetually trying to make things right or walking on eggshells to avoid upsetting them. It’s an exhausting cycle that can make you feel like you’re always in the wrong.

It’s important to maintain your own mental and emotional health. You deserve respect and understanding in your relationships, too.

5) They compare you to others

Narcissists have a knack for making invidious comparisons. They might compare you to their ex, a friend, or even a celebrity, highlighting how you fall short in some way.

This tactic can leave you feeling inadequate and constantly striving to meet their ever-changing standards.

It’s a subtle yet effective way of making you feel like the bad guy. You might end up feeling like you’re not good enough or that you need to change in some way to earn their approval.

But here’s the thing – it’s human nature to have strengths and weaknesses. No one is perfect, and it’s unfair to constantly compare someone to others.

See Also

Women who feel deeply lonely in life but don’t want to admit it often exhibit these 7 subtle behaviors

Your worth isn’t determined by how you stack up against someone else in someone else’s eyes. It’s important to remember your unique value and not let someone else’s comparisons define your self-worth.

6) They use silent treatment

The silent treatment is another tactic narcissists often use to make you feel like the bad guy.

Let’s say you had a disagreement with your partner. Instead of talking it out, they suddenly stop communicating with you. They refuse to answer texts, calls, or even acknowledge your presence.

This kind of behavior can make you feel guilty, even though you’re not at fault. You might find yourself racking your brain, trying to figure out what you did wrong and how to fix it.

In reality, the silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse. It’s used to control and manipulate, to create a sense of power and control. It’s not your fault and you don’t have to accept this kind of treatment. Honest and open communication is key in any relationship.

7) They never apologize

A simple “I’m sorry” can go a long way in healing wounds and mending relationships. But with a narcissist, you might find that apologies are few and far between, if they happen at all.

When a narcissist hurts you, instead of apologizing, they might shift the blame onto you or completely dismiss your feelings. This can make you feel like the bad guy for even bringing up the issue or expecting an apology in the first place.

Here’s the hard truth: A relationship without genuine apologies and remorse isn’t healthy. Everyone makes mistakes, but owning up to them is a crucial part of any relationship.

If someone consistently refuses to admit their wrongdoings or validate your feelings, it might be time to reconsider the relationship. You deserve respect and understanding, and that includes receiving sincere apologies when they’re due.

Conclusion

Recognizing and understanding the subtle ways narcissists can make you feel like the bad guy is a crucial step towards protecting your emotional health—and it’s a journey unique to each one of us.

This article aims to shed light on these tactics, but ultimately, it’s your experiences and feelings that matter the most.

Time spent understanding and caring for yourself is never wasted.

Being truly empathetic means having the strength not to let others manipulate your emotions or perceptions. It’s about asserting your worth, setting boundaries, and not allowing someone else’s behavior to dictate your self-esteem or happiness.

Here’s to fostering healthier relationships and living a more aware, empowered life!