7 subtle behaviors of people who are difficult to be around, according to psychology

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been intrigued by the subtle behaviors that make some people so challenging to be around.

You know the type:

– Always negative
– Overcritical
– Controlling
– Passive-aggressive

And the list goes on.

I’m Lachlan Brown, founder of Hack Spirit and a self-proclaimed psychology enthusiast, and I’ve spent countless hours trying to understand why these individuals act in such vexing ways.

For many years, I found myself caught up in a tangled web of frustration, confusion, and sometimes even anger towards these difficult personalities. But it wasn’t until I delved deeper into the world of psychology that I began to unravel the mystery behind these behaviors.

In this article, I’ll be sharing with you the 7 subtle behaviors that make people difficult to be around, according to psychology.

My hope is that, armed with this knowledge, you’ll be better able to navigate your interactions with such individuals and perhaps even find a way to improve those relationships.

Let’s dive in.

1) Passive-aggressive behavior

We’ve all come across someone who uses passive-aggressive behavior to express their dissatisfaction or frustration.

It might be a sarcastic comment, an intentionally delayed response, or a veiled insult disguised as a compliment.

As the founder of Hack Spirit and a psychology enthusiast, I’ve learned that this behavior is often a defense mechanism for those who struggle to express their feelings openly and honestly.

By acting passively-aggressive, they’re able to voice their discontent without having to confront the issue directly.

It’s a tricky behavior to navigate because it can often leave you feeling confused and unsure of what’s really going on. You may even start questioning your own interpretation of events or conversations.

If you encounter this behavior, try not to take it personally. Remember, it’s more about them than it is about you.

Instead, consider addressing the issue openly and calmly. Ask for clarification if something doesn’t seem right. This approach can help diffuse the situation and promote more honest communication in the future.

Remember, understanding is the first step towards improving any difficult relationship.

2) Constant criticism

I remember a time when I was consistently around a person who seemed to have a knack for pointing out my every flaw, mistake, or shortcoming.

No matter what I did, it was never good enough. Each interaction was like a barrage of criticism that left me feeling deflated and questioning my self-worth.

According to psychology, those who constantly criticize others often do so to deflect attention from their own insecurities or failings.

As renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

This quote really resonated with me during that challenging period. It made me realize that the constant criticism wasn’t really about me, but about the other person’s internal struggles.

So, if you find yourself in a similar situation, remember Jung’s words. Try to respond with empathy and understanding rather than defensiveness.

It’s not easy, but it may just be the key to diffusing the negativity and fostering a healthier dynamic.

3) Emotional manipulation

There was a time in my life when I found myself in a friendship that seemed to drain more energy than it provided.

Every interaction felt like a rollercoaster of emotions, with the other person constantly using guilt, pity, or even anger to manipulate me into doing what they wanted.

I recall feeling constantly on edge, always trying to keep them happy to avoid any emotional outbursts. It was exhausting and left me feeling like I was walking on eggshells.

Psychology tells us that emotional manipulation is often a sign of an individual who struggles to communicate their needs or desires in a healthy way. Instead, they use emotions as a tool to control others and get what they want.

Understanding this was a game-changer for me. I realized that I had the right to set boundaries and protect my own emotional well-being.

So if you find yourself in a similar situation, don’t be afraid to stand your ground. It’s okay to say no and protect your own peace of mind.

4) Lack of empathy

A few years ago, I had a colleague who seemed completely oblivious to the feelings and needs of those around him.

Whether it was disregarding others’ ideas in team meetings or showing little sympathy when someone was going through a tough time, his lack of empathy was evident.

As per a 2016 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, individuals who lack empathy can often create a toxic environment, making it difficult for others to interact with them effectively.

The study found that empathetic individuals are more likely to have successful relationships, as empathy promotes understanding and fosters positive interactions.

Realizing this made me comprehend that my colleague’s lack of empathy wasn’t my problem to fix.

So if you’re dealing with someone who seems to lack empathy, remember that their inability to understand and share the feelings of others is a reflection of them, not you. It’s important not to internalize their behavior and instead focus on cultivating your own empathetic interactions.

5) Always playing the victim

One of my acquaintances had a habit of always playing the victim, no matter what the situation was.

Every conversation seemed to revolve around their problems and how the world was against them. It felt like they were perpetually stuck in a cycle of misfortune and blamed everyone else for their circumstances.

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Psychology suggests that people who constantly play the victim often do so to avoid taking responsibility for their actions and decisions. It’s a defense mechanism that allows them to shift blame and keep themselves in a state of perpetual innocence.

While it can be draining to be around such individuals, understanding their behavior can help you better cope with it.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, try to set boundaries and limit your exposure to this negativity. And remember, it’s not your responsibility to fix someone else’s life; everyone must take charge of their own actions and decisions.

6) Overbearing control

In my early twenties, I dated someone who had a strong need for control. From deciding where we would go on dates to what I should wear, she seemed to want to dictate every aspect of our relationship.

Initially, I mistook it for care and concern, but over time, it became clear that this need for control was stifling my own freedom and individuality.

Famed psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn and change.” This quote struck a chord with me as I began to understand that her need for control stemmed from her own insecurities and fear of change.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, remember that it’s essential for both parties in a relationship to feel empowered and have a sense of autonomy.

Don’t be afraid to express your feelings and set boundaries. Change isn’t easy, but it’s often necessary for growth and happiness.

7) Excessive positivity

This might seem counterintuitive, but being around someone who is excessively positive can be just as draining as being around a constant pessimist.

I once had a friend who seemed to always be on cloud nine, regardless of the situation. Whether it was a minor inconvenience or a serious setback, she’d brush it off with a breezy “everything happens for a reason” or “it could always be worse.”

While maintaining a positive attitude is generally a good thing, excessive positivity can sometimes invalidate genuine feelings of sadness, frustration, or disappointment.

Psychology teaches us that it’s healthy and necessary to experience and express a full range of emotions. Suppressing negative feelings under the guise of positivity can lead to emotional dissonance and hinder genuine connection with others.

If you find yourself dealing with such a person, try expressing how their relentless positivity makes you feel. Encourage them to embrace authenticity over forced positivity.

After all, it’s not about always being happy; it’s about being real. And being real sometimes means acknowledging that life isn’t always sunshine and rainbows.

Conclusion

Navigating relationships with difficult people can be challenging. However, understanding the psychology behind these behaviors can equip you with the tools needed to manage these situations better.

Remember, it’s not your responsibility to change someone else’s behavior. But by setting boundaries, expressing your feelings, and promoting open communication, you can foster healthier interactions.

If a relationship feels draining more often than not, it’s okay to distance yourself. Your mental and emotional well-being should always be a priority.

Most importantly, let these experiences serve as lessons. Learn from them, grow from them, but never let them define your self-worth.

Remember, every interaction we have with others offers an opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery. Embrace it and keep moving forward.

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Picture of Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown

Lachlan Brown is a renowned expert in mindfulness, relationships, and personal development. With over a decade of experience, Lachlan has dedicated his career to exploring the intricacies of human behavior and self-improvement. For his latest articles and updates, follow him on Facebook here

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