Friendships can shift and change, just like any other relationship.
Sometimes, you’ll find that you’ve grown apart from someone who was once a very close friend—and that’s okay, it’s a normal part of life.
How do you know when it’s happening?
What are the signs that you’re moving on from a friendship?
And, most importantly, how can you handle it in a healthy and respectful way?
Let’s talk about the psychology behind it.
According to experts in the field, there are seven tell-tale signs that you’ve outgrown someone you once loved as a friend.
By the end of this article, you’ll have a clearer understanding of whether you’re simply going through a rough patch or if it’s time to let go and move on:
1) You feel like your conversations seem forced
Remember those times when you could chat with your friend for hours and never run out of things to say?
If that’s not the case anymore, it might be a sign that you’ve outgrown the friendship.
Conversations that were once lively and engaging may now feel like a chore.
You may find yourself constantly searching for topics to discuss, or worse, avoiding conversations altogether.
This shift could indicate that your interests, perspectives, or life stages are no longer aligned.
It’s completely normal for these transformations to lead us in different directions.
The key is recognizing the change and handling it with grace.
2) You feel emotionally drained after spending time with them
True and meaningful friendships should generally leave you feeling energized and uplifted.
But if you find yourself feeling emotionally exhausted after every interaction, it might be a sign that the friendship isn’t serving you well anymore.
I remember a friend I once had. We used to have so much fun together.
However, as time went on, our interactions became more draining than fulfilling.
Every conversation felt like an emotional tug-of-war, leaving me feeling depleted for hours or even days afterward.
This experience reminded me of a quote from renowned psychologist Albert Ellis: “People and things do not upset us. Rather, we upset ourselves by believing that they can upset us.”
While there’s truth in this statement, it’s also crucial to recognize when a relationship is causing more stress than joy.
3) You’ve started to resent them
Nobody’s perfect, and everyone can have their off days.
However, if you find yourself constantly irritated or even resenting your friend, it’s a pretty clear sign that something’s not right.
Perhaps they’ve been consistently dismissive of your feelings, or they haven’t been supportive when you needed it most.
Whatever it is, resentment is a strong indicator that the friendship has become toxic to you.
If you’re feeling this way, don’t ignore it.
It’s crucial to acknowledge these feelings and understand what they’re telling you about your relationship with your friend.
4) You no longer share common interests or values
I recently experienced a moment of revelation with a friend.
We had been close for years, but I realized that our shared interests, which had initially brought us together, were no longer the same.
Our life goals and values had diverged to the point where we had very little in common anymore.
This isn’t an uncommon occurrence.
Friendships often form based on shared interests or values, but as we grow and change, so do these elements.
It’s important to recognize when a friendship isn’t growing with you and may be holding you back.
As renowned psychologist Abraham Maslow said, “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth.”
5) You feel relief, not sadness, when plans are cancelled
It’s counterintuitive, but sometimes the clearest sign that you’ve outgrown a friendship is when cancelled plans bring you relief instead of disappointment.
If you’re more relieved at the thought of not seeing your friend than the prospect of spending time with them, it’s a clear red flag.
This might be especially true if you’ve been making excuses to avoid them or hoping they would cancel first.
It’s a sign that the relationship is more of a burden than a source of joy.
Changes in our feelings towards friends are part of our personal growth and learning process.
6) You’re not excited about their achievements
A key component of any friendship is celebrating each other’s wins.
However, if you find yourself feeling indifferent or even a hint of jealousy when your friend shares their achievements, it might be a sign that your relationship is no longer as healthy as it once was.
This lack of excitement for your friend’s successes could indicate that you’ve outgrown them, especially if it stems from a lack of shared interests or common goals.
7) You feel like you can’t be your true self around them
There was a time when I felt like I had to put on a facade every time I met a certain friend.
I felt like I couldn’t be my true self around them, which was exhausting and not at all fulfilling.
If you’re constantly feeling the need to wear a mask around your friend, it could be a sign that the friendship isn’t as genuine as it once was.
True friendships allow you to be yourself, flaws and all.
Famed psychologist Carl Jung once said, “The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.”
If a friendship is hindering this process instead of supporting it, it might be an indication that you’ve outgrown it.
