Ever catch yourself saying things just to keep the peace or make others happy—even when it’s at your own expense?
You’re not alone.
People pleasers have a way of putting everyone else first, often without even realizing it.
The words we use can reveal just how much we prioritize others over ourselves.
While kindness and consideration are great qualities, constantly bending to please others can lead to stress, resentment, and burnout.
Psychology shows that certain phrases are red flags for people-pleasing tendencies.
If you find yourself using these often, it might be time to rethink how you communicate—and start setting healthier boundaries:
1) “Sorry, I just…”
Ever find yourself apologizing for things that don’t actually require an apology?
People pleasers tend to overuse phrases like “Sorry, I just wanted to ask…” or “Sorry, I was wondering if…”—often without realizing it.
Psychology suggests that excessive apologizing can be a sign of low self-worth or a deep fear of inconveniencing others.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with saying sorry when it’s truly needed.
However, when it becomes a habit, it can undermine your confidence and make others take you less seriously.
Instead of leading with an apology, try getting straight to the point: “I wanted to check in about…” or “I have a question about…”
There’s no need to shrink yourself in the process.
2) “No worries, I don’t mind.”
I used to say this all the time—whether I minded or not.
Even when I was frustrated or overwhelmed, my instinct was to brush it off and make sure the other person felt comfortable.
Here’s the problem: Constantly saying “I don’t mind” when you actually do creates a pattern where your needs always come second.
The truth is, I did mind—I just didn’t want to seem difficult or make anyone uncomfortable.
But people-pleasing at the expense of your own well-being isn’t kindness—it’s self-neglect.
Learning to say “Actually, that doesn’t work for me” or “I’d rather not” can feel uncomfortable at first, but it teaches others (and yourself) that your feelings matter too.
3) “It’s totally fine!”
For the longest time, this was my go-to response—even when things were not fine.
Someone would hurt my feelings? “It’s totally fine.”
A friend would cross a boundary? “No worries, it’s fine.”
I’d swallow my frustration, push down my disappointment, and pretend like nothing bothered me.
But deep down, it did.
The truth is, saying “It’s fine” when it’s not is just another way of abandoning yourself.
How can you accept yourself if you’re constantly dismissing your own emotions?
Pretending you’re okay doesn’t make the discomfort go away—it just buries it.
The more you bury it, the more resentment builds.
It took me a long time to realize that honesty doesn’t have to be aggressive.
Simply saying, “Actually, that bothered me” or “I’d like to talk about this” can be scary at first, but it’s the only way to build real, honest relationships—starting with yourself.
4) “I don’t want to be a burden…”
For years, I hated asking for help.
Anytime I needed support, I’d hesitate, overthink, and ultimately convince myself that my problems weren’t important enough to bother anyone with.
If I did finally reach out, I’d always preface it with, “I don’t want to be a burden, but…”
Sound familiar?
Dr. Brené Brown, a research professor and bestselling author, says: “Staying vulnerable is a risk we have to take if we want to experience connection.”
But when you constantly frame your needs as a burden, you rob yourself of that connection.
You send yourself the message that your struggles don’t matter—or worse, that you’re too much for others to handle.
The truth is, everyone needs help sometimes.
The people who truly care about you want to be there for you.
Instead of apologizing for needing support, try saying something direct and honest: “I could really use someone to talk to” or “Would you be open to helping me with this?”
You deserve the same kindness you so freely give to others.
5) “I just want everyone to be happy!”
This sounds like a good thing, right?
After all, what’s wrong with wanting the people around you to be happy?
But here’s the catch: When you make it your responsibility to keep everyone else happy, you end up sacrificing your own needs in the process.
You say yes when you want to say no or you smooth things over even when you’re hurting; you bend, shrink, and adjust yourself to avoid conflict or disappointment.
No one’s happy all the time and trying to control other people’s emotions—no matter how well-intentioned—only leads to exhaustion and resentment.
The hard truth? You are not responsible for other people’s happiness.
You can be kind, supportive, and compassionate without taking on the impossible task of making sure no one ever feels uncomfortable.
Instead of constantly worrying about keeping others happy, try asking yourself: “Am I happy?”
Your feelings matter too.
6) “I don’t care, whatever works for you…”
I used to say this all the time—whether it was picking a restaurant, making weekend plans, or deciding on a project at work.
It felt easier to go along with what everyone else wanted rather than risk seeming difficult or opinionated.
But, over time, I realized something: constantly deferring to others wasn’t making me easygoing—it was making me invisible.
Dr. Jordan Peterson, a clinical psychologist and author, explains: “When you have something to say, silence is a lie.”
By always saying “I don’t care” or “Whatever works for you,” I wasn’t being honest.
I did have preferences and I did have opinions—I was just too afraid to voice them.
The truth is, your voice and your preferences matter.
Constantly suppressing them doesn’t make you more likable—it just makes it harder for people to truly know you.
Instead of defaulting to “Whatever works for you,” try practicing small moments of self-expression: “Actually, I’d love to try that new restaurant” or “I’d prefer an earlier time if that works.”
Owning your choices isn’t selfish—it’s self-respect.
7) “I’m just being nice…”
For a long time, I told myself that always saying yes, avoiding conflict, and putting others first was just me being nice.
But over time, I started to wonder—was it really kindness, or was it fear?
True kindness comes from a place of authenticity, not obligation.
If you’re constantly stretching yourself thin and agreeing to things just to keep others happy, that’s not kindness—that’s self-betrayal.
Rather than telling yourself “I’m just being nice,” try asking: “Am I doing this because I truly want to, or because I’m afraid of saying no?”
Real kindness includes being honest—with others and with yourself.
8) “It’s not a big deal.”
I can’t count the number of times I’ve swallowed my feelings and said this.
Someone would hurt me, dismiss me, or cross a line, and instead of speaking up, I’d brush it off with, “It’s not a big deal.”
Even when it was a big deal.
Why? Because deep down, I was afraid.
Afraid of being seen as dramatic, making things awkward; afraid that if I spoke up, the other person would pull away.
But here’s what I’ve learned: Minimizing your pain doesn’t make it go away—it just teaches people that they can ignore it too.
