Growing up, did you ever feel like you were not a priority? Like your needs and feelings were often overlooked or brushed aside?
If you nodded along to those questions, you’re not alone. Many of us have experienced this kind of childhood, and it can leave a lasting impact on our behaviors and relationships.
Psychology tells us that the way we were treated as children can have profound effects on how we behave as adults.
I’ve been there too, trying to make sense of my own behaviors and their roots in my childhood.
So what are these behaviors? How do they manifest in our lives?
In this article, I’m going to share with you 7 typical behaviors that people, who never felt like a priority as a child, often display later in life. It’s time to understand ourselves a little better.
1) You tend to overcompensate in relationships
Do you often find yourself going the extra mile for your loved ones? Maybe even to the point where it feels one-sided?
This could be a behavior stemming from your childhood.
When kids don’t feel like a priority growing up, they can develop a habit of overcompensating in their relationships. This stems from an internalized belief that they need to ‘earn’ love and acceptance from others.
You might find yourself constantly trying to please others, fearing that if you don’t, they’ll leave or stop caring for you.
This isn’t about just being kind or generous. It’s a pattern of behavior where you’re continually giving more than you’re receiving, often at the expense of your own well-being.
Understanding this behavior can be a major step towards healing and establishing healthier relationships.
2) You have a strong fear of rejection
Ever felt a pang of anxiety at the thought of someone turning you down? Well, that’s a fear of rejection for you.
Now, it’s normal to have some level of fear when it comes to rejection. It’s a basic human instinct to want to belong and be accepted.
But here’s the kicker.
For those who never felt like a priority as a child, this fear can become overwhelming. It’s not just about worrying whether someone will say ‘no’. It’s about the dread that rejection brings — a confirmation of their deep-seated belief that they’re not worthy or lovable.
This fear can affect all areas of life – from personal relationships to career choices. And it can keep you from taking risks or pursuing opportunities because you’re afraid of being turned down.
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Understanding this fear is crucial to overcoming it and embracing the opportunities life has to offer.
3) You’re fiercely independent
Ironically, alongside the fear of rejection, those who didn’t feel like a priority as a child often develop a fierce sense of independence.
Yes, despite the fear of rejection and the tendency to overcompensate in relationships, there’s also a strong drive towards self-reliance.
Why? Well, when you’re used to your needs being overlooked, you learn to depend on yourself. You might feel that you can’t rely on others to meet your needs or understand your feelings.
This independence can be a strength, allowing you to tackle challenges head-on and cope with difficult situations.
But there’s a flip side too.
It can also lead to isolation and a reluctance to ask for help when needed. It’s essential to strike a balance – to understand that it’s okay to depend on others sometimes. After all, we’re all human and need support at times.
4) You struggle with self-worth
Have you ever felt that you’re not good enough? That no matter what you achieve, it’s never quite enough to shake off that nagging feeling of inadequacy?
Well, this struggle with self-worth can be another common behavior among those who never felt like a priority growing up.
As children, we look to our caregivers to validate our worth. If we feel overlooked or unimportant, it can sow seeds of self-doubt that sprout into feelings of low self-esteem in adulthood.
You might find yourself constantly seeking external validation – be it through praise, achievements, or social acceptance. But remember, your worth is not determined by external factors.
Understanding this is a first step towards building a healthier self-image and breaking free from the cycle of seeking external validation.
5) You have a tendency to suppress your feelings
People who didn’t feel prioritized as children often carry a habit of suppressing their feelings into adulthood. This might look like:
- Keeping your feelings to yourself, even when you’re upset
- Brushing off hurtful comments or actions, pretending they don’t affect you
- Avoiding confrontation at all costs
This behavior stems from the fear that expressing your feelings might lead to further neglect or rejection. However, it’s important to remember that your feelings are valid and deserve to be expressed and acknowledged.
6) You’re highly empathetic
Here’s something I’ve noticed – those of us who grew up feeling overlooked often develop a high level of empathy. We become incredibly attuned to the feelings and needs of others.
Why? Because we know what it’s like to have our feelings disregarded. We understand the pain it causes, and we don’t want others to experience that same hurt.
Being empathetic is a beautiful quality. It allows us to connect deeply with others and offer comfort and understanding.
But let’s remember, while being there for others, it’s crucial not to neglect our own feelings and needs. Our empathy should not come at the cost of our self-care.
7) You often feel like an outsider
Imagine you’re at a gathering, surrounded by laughter and chatter. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves, but you… you feel like an outsider. Like you don’t quite fit in. Ever experienced that?
People who didn’t feel like a priority growing up often carry this sense of being an outsider into their adult life.
You might find yourself feeling disconnected in social situations, even when you’re among friends. Or perhaps you tend to gravitate towards other outsiders, feeling more at ease in their company.
Could it be because you’re subconsciously recreating the feelings of isolation from your childhood?
These feelings can be challenging to navigate, but understanding their roots in your past can be a step towards feeling more connected and less like an outsider in the present.
8) You’re driven to succeed
There’s a pattern I’ve seen in people who felt neglected as children – they often grow up to be incredibly driven individuals.
I remember a friend of mine, who always felt like she was the last priority in her family. Today, she’s a successful businesswoman, constantly pushing herself to achieve more.
She once told me that her drive to succeed came from her desire to prove her worth – to show that she mattered.
This relentless drive can lead to significant achievements. But it’s essential to recognize if it’s coming from a place of trying to prove your worth.
Remember, your worth is inherent. It’s not determined by your success or failure. It’s important to strive for success because it fulfills you, not because it validates you.
9) You’re resilient
Finally, and perhaps most importantly, individuals who never felt like a priority as a child often grow up to be incredibly resilient.
Life may have dealt you a tough hand early on, but it’s this very adversity that has shaped your strength.
Despite the challenges you faced, you’re still standing. You’ve learned to adapt, to bounce back, and to keep going even when things are difficult.
This resilience is a testament to your strength and courage. It’s something to be proud of. And it’s this resilience that can empower you to heal, grow, and build a fulfilling life.
What can you do about it?
Now that we’ve recognized these behaviors, the question remains: what can we do about it? Here are a few suggestions:
- Seek professional help
- Practice self-care
- Set boundaries
- Practice self-love
It’s important to remember that recognizing these behaviors is not about blame or living in the past. It’s about understanding how your past has shaped you and using that knowledge to move towards a healthier, happier future.
Remember, everyone has their own journey and pace for healing. Be patient with yourself. You’re doing the best you can. And that is more than enough.
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