There’s an undeniable impact that stems from our upbringing, especially if we had emotionally unavailable parents.
Often, this experience leaves a lasting imprint, subtly influencing our behaviors, habits, and relationships as we grow older.
The catch? We may not even realize it.
Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents can shape us in ways we’re completely unaware of.
These influences are not always negative, but they do tend to alter our interactions and reactions in a variety of situations.
Being aware of these habits can provide a deeper understanding of ourselves and the way we relate to others.
It’s not about placing blame, but about gaining insight into our own behaviors.
In this article, we’ll explore some typical habits people who grew up with emotionally unavailable parents tend to display later in life—often without even realizing it:
1) Difficulty in forming deep relationships
For many, growing up with emotionally unavailable parents can result in a struggle to form deep, meaningful relationships as adults.
This challenge often stems from a lack of emotional validation during their formative years.
Without that early foundation of emotional openness and understanding, it can be tough to know how to connect with others on a deeper level.
Think about it: Relationships require vulnerability, emotional intelligence, and the ability to empathize with others.
If these weren’t modeled during childhood, it can be difficult to cultivate them later in life.
But it’s important to note that this isn’t an insurmountable obstacle—awareness is the first step towards change.
Recognizing this habit can help individuals seek out resources and support to foster healthier relationships.
2) Fear of emotional intimacy
Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents, I’ve found that fear of emotional intimacy is a common theme.
For me, it was like living in a home where emotions were foreign visitors, acknowledged but never truly understood or embraced.
This lack of emotional connection in my early years made me wary of it in my adult life.
I remember the first time I was in a relationship where my partner wanted to talk about feelings.
It felt like standing on the edge of a cliff, staring down at an abyss of unknown depth.
The fear was paralyzing, and it took me a while to realize that it stemmed from my childhood experience.
This fear can manifest in different ways—avoiding deep conversations, feeling uncomfortable with emotional expressions, or even sabotaging relationships when they start to get serious.
However, acknowledging this fear is half the battle as it allowed me to work on it, to slowly dismantle the barriers I’d unwittingly built around myself.
It’s a journey, but a worthwhile one for the sake of healthier and more fulfilling relationships!
3) Overcompensation by being overly responsible
Interestingly, children of emotionally unavailable parents often take on responsibilities beyond their years.
This is a coping mechanism, where they attempt to provide for themselves the stability or reliability they feel is lacking from their parents.
This trait carries over into adulthood as a tendency to be overly responsible.
These individuals often find themselves taking charge in most situations, whether it’s at work, in friendships, or in their personal lives.
They might feel a compulsive need to ensure everything is perfect, or that everyone around them is taken care of, sometimes at the expense of their own needs.
The psychological explanation for this lies in the belief that by being ultra-responsible, they can prevent potential disappointments or emotional let-downs—a pattern modelled from their childhood experiences.
Recognizing this habit can lead to healthier boundaries and a better balance between responsibility and self-care.
4) Struggle with self-expression
Children of emotionally unavailable parents often face challenges when it comes to expressing their feelings.
This is largely because they grew up in an environment where emotions were not openly discussed or acknowledged.
In their adult life, this can translate into a struggle with self-expression.
Communicating their feelings, needs, or desires can feel like an uphill battle.
They may find themselves suppressing emotions, or even doubting their own feelings because they never learned to validate them.
This difficulty in self-expression can also affect their personal relationships.
They might struggle to articulate their needs to their partner or find it hard to express love and affection.
However, understanding this pattern can be the first step toward change.
With awareness and practice, it’s possible to learn healthier ways to express emotions and communicate effectively.
5) Craving for approval
For much of my life, I found myself constantly seeking approval from others.
Whether it was at school, in friendships, or at work, I was driven by a need for validation.
In retrospect, this craving for approval stemmed from my childhood.
Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents meant that the affirmation and validation that should have been freely given were often absent.
So, I looked for it elsewhere.
This constant search for approval can be exhausting and can lead to a perpetual feeling of inadequacy.
It’s like running on a treadmill, always striving but never truly arriving.
But the moment I recognized this pattern, I was able to start shifting it—I began to understand that the approval I sought so desperately needed to come from within.
It’s a process and some days are harder than others, but each step brings me closer to self-acceptance.
6) Difficulty trusting others
Trust is a fundamental component of any relationship.
However, for those who grew up with emotionally unavailable parents, trust can be a significant hurdle.
In their childhood, trust may have been broken repeatedly when emotional needs weren’t met.
This can result in a fear of being vulnerable or opening up to others, as there’s an underlying fear that they will be let down.
As adults, this can result in a difficulty trusting others, even in healthy relationships.
They may be overly cautious and guarded, or constantly anticipate disappointment.
However, recognizing this pattern is the first step towards building healthier relationships.
With time and patience, it’s possible to learn to trust again and build meaningful connections with others.
7) The power of self-awareness
Perhaps the most crucial thing to understand is that self-awareness holds the key to change.
Growing up with emotionally unavailable parents can shape us in ways we’re unaware of.
However, recognizing these habits and understanding their origin is a significant step in breaking the cycle.
With self-awareness comes the ability to unlearn these habits and replace them with healthier ones.
It opens up the possibilities for growth, improved relationships, and a better understanding of oneself.
It’s not about blaming our past, but about using it as a stepping stone for personal development and emotional maturity.
Remember, our past shapes us, but it doesn’t have to define us.
Final thoughts: It’s a journey of self-discovery
Understanding the profound influence of our upbringing on our behaviors and habits as adults is a journey of self-discovery.
For those who grew up with emotionally unavailable parents, this journey is about recognizing patterns that may have been imprinted during those early years.
It’s about understanding the impact, not as a way to place blame, but as a path towards self-awareness and growth.
The renowned psychologist Carl Jung once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
This couldn’t be more relevant for those who find themselves unknowingly displaying these habits.
Becoming aware of these patterns is the first, crucial step towards breaking free from them.
It’s about taking control of your narrative, shaping your future based on awareness and choice rather than unconscious habits.
Remember, we are not just products of our past.
With understanding and effort, we can redefine our behaviors, build healthier relationships, and lead more fulfilling lives!
