People who are confident on the surface but thin-skinned underneath usually display these habits

Confidence can be a compelling facade, an outward display that masks the turmoil beneath. It’s not uncommon for those who appear self-assured to harbor underlying vulnerabilities.

These individuals, seemingly composed, often carry a thin skin underneath their robust exterior. Their habits may reveal the contrast between their outward confidence and inner sensitivity.

This article sheds light on these habits, offering insights into understanding and interacting with such personalities more effectively. It’s not about judging them, but about fostering empathy and improving our connections.

1) Quick to defend

Among the confident, a surprising number are quick to defend themselves, even when no attack is apparent. This habit is often a telltale sign of a thin-skinned individual disguised in confident attire.

Why does this happen? It’s because these people, despite their outward show of self-assuredness, are actually quite sensitive to criticism. They’ve developed a strong outer shell to protect their fragile inner world.

When they perceive any slight or challenge – whether real or imagined – their instinctive response is to leap into defensive mode. They may respond with exaggerated explanations, justifications, or even counterattacks.

The key here isn’t to judge or criticize these people for their defensive behavior. Instead, it’s about understanding the underlying insecurities that drive this habit. It’s a reminder that beneath the surface confidence may lie a need for reassurance and validation.

Recognizing this can help us foster empathy and navigate our interactions with such individuals more effectively. After all, we’re all human, and we all have our vulnerabilities โ€“ no matter how confidently we present ourselves to the world.

2) They seek constant validation

Another common trait among those who are confident on the surface but thin-skinned underneath is a constant need for validation. Despite their outward show of self-assuredness, they often rely on the approval and praise of others to maintain their self-esteem.

In my own interactions, I’ve noticed this tendency in many people who are outwardly confident. They might subtly fish for compliments or constantly seek affirmation for their ideas and actions.

This habit can be seen as a cry for reassurance, a way to soothe their inner insecurities. It’s important to remember that this is not a sign of weakness, but rather, a human instinct to seek connection and approval.

As Brenรฉ Brown, a renowned researcher and storyteller on human connection, aptly puts it: “A deep sense of love and belonging is an irresistible need of all people. We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong.”

Understanding this can foster empathy and help us better connect with people who exhibit these traits. After all, everyone desires to be seen, appreciated, and accepted for who they truly are.

3) Overly competitive

Another habit that people who are confident on the surface but thin-skinned underneath often display is an excessive competitiveness. This can manifest in various ways, from needing to have the last word in a conversation to going to great lengths to win, even in trivial matters.

In my experience, this drive to outshine everyone around them often stems from an underlying insecurity. They may feel a need to validate their worth by being the best at everything they do.

While a certain level of competition can stimulate growth and improvement, when it stems from insecurity, it can create unnecessary tension and hinder authentic connection.

To delve deeper into this aspect of human behavior, I encourage you to watch my video on the “illusion of happiness” where I explain how chasing external validation can lead to misery rather than fulfillment.

YouTube video

Recognizing that our worth is not determined by comparison or competition can lead to a healthier self-image and more genuine connections with others.

4) Avoidance of vulnerability

One of the most revealing traits of those who project a confident exterior while being thin-skinned underneath is their avoidance of vulnerability. They may come across as bold and self-assured, yet they often struggle with opening up about their weaknesses, insecurities, or fears.

This avoidance is typically rooted in a fear of judgment or rejection. These individuals may believe that revealing their vulnerabilities will expose them to criticism or diminish their perceived value in the eyes of others.

However, as I’ve come to believe and advocate, vulnerability is not a weakness but a strength. It’s in our shared fragility that we find our common humanity. When we embrace our vulnerabilities, we foster deeper connections with others and cultivate self-compassion.

As Brenรฉ Brown powerfully puts it, “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome.”

By recognizing this truth, we can begin to shift our perspective on vulnerability. We can appreciate it as an opportunity for growth and connection, rather than a threat to our self-esteem.

5) Intolerance of criticism

People who are confident on the surface but thin-skinned underneath often have a low tolerance for criticism. Whether it’s constructive feedback or casual comments, they may react defensively or dismissively, viewing it as a direct attack on their competence or self-worth.

This intolerance is likely rooted in their fear of appearing weak or inadequate. They may feel that any criticism, no matter how well-intended, threatens their carefully constructed image of confidence and control.

Yet, as I’ve learned and emphasize in my work, criticism can be a powerful catalyst for growth. It provides us with valuable insights into our blind spots and areas we need to improve. By embracing criticism rather than avoiding it, we empower ourselves to learn, adapt, and evolve.

I delve deeper into this concept in my video on imposter syndrome. Here, I discuss how feelings of inadequacy can be used as a tool for personal growth and improvement, rather than something to be feared and avoided.

YouTube video

As Carl Jung once said, “Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” By shifting our mindset towards criticism, we can turn perceived threats into opportunities for self-awareness and growth.

6) Overcompensation with generosity

Interestingly enough, those who are outwardly confident but thin-skinned underneath may often display a habit of overcompensating with generosity. They might frequently shower others with gifts, offer their time and resources readily, or go out of their way to help others.

While generosity is a virtue to be admired, when it’s driven by an underlying insecurity, it can become a form of self-validation. These individuals may use their acts of generosity as a shield to protect themselves from criticism or to gain approval.

This ties into one of my core beliefs: true empowerment comes from taking full responsibility for our lives. Rather than seeking validation through external actions, we should focus on cultivating our self-worth from within.

 Acknowledging this truth can help us to embrace our worthiness and empower us to give generously, not out of insecurity, but out of a genuine desire to contribute positively to the world.

7) Fear of asking for help

One trait that often characterizes individuals who appear confident but are thin-skinned underneath is a marked fear of asking for help. They may view seeking assistance as a form of weakness, and thus, something that could possibly tarnish their confident image.

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Despite the strong exterior they present, these individuals often grapple with the belief that they should be able to handle everything on their own. They may see asking for help as an admission of defeat or inadequacy, which threatens their self-image.

Yet, as part of my beliefs, I advocate recognizing that we all have our limitations and that seeking help when needed is not a weakness but a strength. It shows self-awareness, humility, and the courage to acknowledge our vulnerabilities.

8) Constant need to prove themselves

Another common habit among those who are outwardly confident but thin-skinned underneath is a constant need to prove themselves. They may often go above and beyond in their efforts, driven by an underlying desire to validate their worth in the eyes of others.

This constant striving can lead to burnout and stress. It can also prevent these individuals from living authentically, as they often prioritize others’ opinions over their true desires and needs.

However, as one of my core beliefs suggests, true empowerment comes from aligning our actions with our deepest values rather than external expectations.

As the great author Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” Recognizing this can empower us to move beyond the need for external validation and live more authentically.

9) Difficulty handling rejection

A final revealing trait of individuals who are outwardly confident but thin-skinned underneath is their difficulty in handling rejection. Whether it’s a romantic rejection, a missed job opportunity, or a simple ‘no’, these individuals may react disproportionately, viewing it as a personal failure.

This sensitivity to rejection often stems from their underlying insecurities. They may internalize the rejection as a reflection of their worth, further exacerbating their feelings of inadequacy.

Yet, as part of my beliefs, I advocate embracing obstacles and setbacks as opportunities for growth and learning.

Embracing this mindset can transform our perspective on rejection, allowing us to see it as a stepping stone towards success rather than a personal failure.

The power of embracing authenticity

The complexities of human behavior are often deeply intertwined with our perceptions of self and the world around us.

For those who project confidence yet harbor thin skin underneath, the struggle often lies within their internal narrative. This dichotomy between the outward persona and inner reality can create a constant tension.

These individuals may feel compelled to maintain their confident image, sometimes at the expense of their authentic selves. Their habits, as we explored, often hint at the vulnerabilities they seek to conceal.

However, there lies immense power in acknowledging and embracing our authentic selves, including our vulnerabilities. It’s in this space of authenticity that we are truly free to express ourselves, form meaningful connections, and grow as individuals.

Whether it’s learning to handle criticism constructively, seeking help when needed, or embracing our insecurities rather than hiding behind a facade of confidence, each step towards authenticity brings us closer to personal freedom and resilience.

It’s a journey towards accepting and celebrating our unique selves, thereby fostering a more empathetic and compassionate world for all.

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Justin Brown

Justin Brown is an entrepreneur and thought leader in personal development and digital media, with a foundation in education from The London School of Economics and The Australian National University. His deep insights are shared on his YouTube channel, JustinBrownVids, offering a rich blend of guidance on living a meaningful and purposeful life.

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