Some men have no problem holding hands, hugging, or even stealing a quick kiss in public.
But for others, showing affection outside the privacy of home feels awkward—even uncomfortable.
It’s not that they don’t care. In fact, many deeply love their partners but struggle with the idea of public displays of affection (PDA).
Whether it’s fear of judgment, upbringing, or just being overly self-conscious, their hesitation often shows up in subtle behaviors.
If you’ve ever wondered whether a man is holding back affection because he’s just not into it—or because he’s too self-conscious—there are certain signs to look for.
Here are the behaviors men often display when they’re too uncomfortable to show affection in public:
1) He keeps his distance
Ever notice how some men seem to instinctively put space between themselves and their partner when they’re out in public?
It’s not always intentional, but it is telling.
A man who’s too self-conscious to show affection might walk a step ahead, avoid sitting too close, or find reasons to keep his hands occupied instead of reaching for yours.
It’s not necessarily a sign that he doesn’t care—he might just feel uncomfortable with the idea of people watching.
Whether it’s due to upbringing, personal insecurities, or just habit, this subtle distancing is one of the clearest signs of self-consciousness when it comes to public affection.
2) He only shows affection when no one is around
I once dated someone who was incredibly sweet and affectionate—when we were alone.
The moment we stepped outside, though, it was like a switch flipped.
Hand-holding? Forget it.
A casual arm around my shoulder? Not happening.
At first, I wondered if he was just not that into me, but in private, he had no problem showing love and care.
Eventually, I realized it wasn’t about me—it was about his own discomfort with public displays of affection.
He wasn’t raised in an environment where that was normal, and he felt awkward about people watching.
If a man avoids affection in public but is completely different behind closed doors, it’s usually not about how he feels about you—it’s about how self-conscious he feels around others.
3) He fidgets instead of showing affection
When some men feel uncomfortable, their bodies give them away.
Instead of reaching for their partner’s hand or offering a quick hug, they might adjust their watch, check their phone, or suddenly become very interested in fixing their shirt sleeves.
Fidgeting is often a sign of nervous energy, and in situations where a man feels self-conscious about public affection, these small distractions can become his go-to coping mechanism.
Studies have shown that people tend to engage in self-soothing behaviors—like touching their face or playing with objects—when they feel anxious or uncomfortable.
So, if he’s constantly fixing his jacket or fiddling with his keys instead of holding your hand, it might not be that he doesn’t want to—it might just be that he doesn’t know how to comfortably do it in public.
4) He changes the subject when affection comes up
Bringing up public displays of affection in conversation can be a good way to gauge how someone feels about it.
But if a man is too self-conscious to show affection in public, he might dodge the conversation entirely.
Rather than openly discussing why he avoids holding hands or hugging in front of others, he may brush it off with a joke, change the subject, or act like it’s not a big deal.
Avoidance is often a sign of discomfort—he might not even fully understand why PDA makes him uneasy, so addressing it directly feels awkward.
5) He worries about what other people think
For some men, the fear of judgment is stronger than the desire to show affection.
Whether it’s concern about how strangers will perceive them or a deep-seated belief that public affection looks “silly” or “unnecessary,” the underlying issue is the same—anxiety about being watched.
Sometimes, this comes from past experiences.
Maybe he grew up in a family where affection wasn’t openly expressed, or he was teased for being too emotional when he was younger.
Over time, that kind of conditioning can make a man overly cautious about how he presents himself in public, even in relationships.
If he hesitates before reaching for your hand or glances around before giving you a quick hug, it’s likely because his mind is more focused on the people around him than the moment you’re sharing together.
6) He only shows affection in “acceptable” ways
Some men who are self-conscious about public affection don’t avoid it entirely—they just limit it to what feels “socially acceptable.”
Instead of holding hands or giving a quick kiss, they might stick to small gestures like a pat on the back, a playful nudge, or guiding you through a crowd with a light touch on your arm.
This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it does show that he’s filtering his affection through what he thinks is appropriate rather than what feels natural.
He may not even realize he’s doing it—it’s just his way of staying in his comfort zone while still showing some level of closeness.l
7) He shows love in other ways
Just because a man struggles with public displays of affection doesn’t mean he lacks love or care.
Some people simply express affection differently—through acts of service, thoughtful gestures, or making sure you feel safe and supported.
He might not be the type to hold your hand in public, but he remembers your coffee order, checks in to make sure you got home safely, or goes out of his way to make your life easier.
Love isn’t always loud or obvious—it often shows up in the little things.
It’s not always a choice
Human behavior is rarely as simple as preference or habit—sometimes, it’s deeply rooted in psychology and past experiences.
Studies on attachment theory suggest that the way people express affection often stems from early childhood relationships.
If someone grew up in an environment where love wasn’t openly shown, they may unconsciously carry that discomfort into adulthood.
Social conditioning also plays a role.
In many cultures, men are subtly (or explicitly) taught to suppress emotions and avoid behaviors that might be perceived as overly sentimental.
Over time, this conditioning can make public affection feel unnatural—even when love is present.
It’s easy to assume that hesitation means a lack of care, but the truth is often more complicated.
The way someone expresses love isn’t always about how they feel—it’s about what they’ve learned is acceptable.
