As a parent, you are the biggest influence in your child’s life. But influence isn’t enough if you want to be their role model. It’s about the actions you take, and unfortunately, some behaviors can push them away rather than draw them closer.
Hi there, I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit and a mindfulness enthusiast. I’ve discovered that there are certain behaviors we need to drop if we aim to become role models for our children.
In the journey of parenting, it’s not only about the things we teach our children verbally but more about what we show them through our actions.
In this article, I’m going to share the nine behaviors you need to say goodbye to if you want your child to start considering you as a role model. Let’s get started.
1) Yelling and screaming
We’ve all been there. The pressure of life becomes too much and we let it out in the one place we feel safe – home. But remember, our children are watching.
Raising your voice when things get tough can be a natural response. But here’s the thing: if you want to be seen as a role model by your child, it’s time to say goodbye to this behavior.
Yelling and screaming, while they might provide a momentary release, can often do more harm than good. It only teaches our children that when things get tough or when they make a mistake, it’s okay to react in an aggressive or confrontational manner.
Instead, let’s teach them the power of calmness, dialogue, and understanding in the face of adversity. Let’s show them that everyone makes mistakes and that it’s alright to fail sometimes; what’s more important is how we handle those situations.
As renowned psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The only person who is educated is the one who has learned how to learn…and change.”
Let’s be that change for our children by leading by example and showing them the power of emotional control and understanding.
2) Being overly critical
As parents, we often have high expectations for our children. We want them to do well, to succeed and reach their full potential. But there’s a fine line between pushing them to be their best and becoming overly critical.
I remember when my son brought home a math test that he didn’t do too well on. My initial reaction was disappointment, and I found myself pointing out where he went wrong and what he should’ve done instead.
However, I quickly realized that my response wasn’t encouraging him to do better. Instead, it was making him fearful of failure and hesitant about sharing his struggles with me.
So, I changed my approach. Instead of focusing on the negatives, I started highlighting his efforts and progress. Yes, he didn’t get the grade we wanted, but he had tried his best and we could work together to improve.
This change not only improved our relationship but also boosted his confidence and willingness to face challenges.
Famous child psychologist Haim Ginott said, “Treat a child as though he already is the person he’s capable of becoming.”
Remember that your child is learning and growing every day. As role models, let’s guide them with love, patience, and understanding.
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3) Always being ‘too busy’
In today’s fast-paced world, it can be easy to fall into the trap of always being ‘too busy’. Work, chores, social commitments – they all pile up. And often, it’s our time with our children that gets compromised.
But here’s the thing: If you want your child to see you as a role model, they need to feel like a priority in your life. They need to know that they matter and that you genuinely care about their thoughts, feelings, and experiences.
I know it’s easier said than done. Trust me, I’ve been there. In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”,
I delve into the concept of mindfulness and being present in the moment. It’s about making the most of the time we have and giving our full attention to the people and tasks at hand.
So next time your child wants to talk about their day at school or play a game with you, try to set aside your busyness and give them your undivided attention. Remember, quality time is more important than quantity.
As psychologist Carl Jung said, “The greatest tragedy of the family is the unlived lives of the parents.”
So let’s not let our busyness rob us of precious moments with our children. Let’s live fully and be present for them because that’s what real role models do.
4) Excessive use of gadgets
We live in a digital age, and it’s easy to become consumed by our gadgets. Whether it’s the television, mobile phone, or laptop, these devices often take up a significant chunk of our daily lives. But if you want your child to see you as a role model, it’s time to limit your screen time.
Excessive use of gadgets not only creates a physical distance between you and your child but also sends out a message that these devices are more important than real-life interactions.
Moreover, research shows that excessive screen time can lead to a variety of issues, including sleep disorders, attention problems, and even addictive behaviors.
Instead, try setting aside specific times for gadget-free interactions with your children. Engage in activities that help strengthen your bond and allow for open communication. It could be something as simple as cooking a meal together or going for a walk.
Renowned psychologist Albert Bandura’s social learning theory emphasizes the importance of observational learning. Children learn from observing the behaviors of others, especially their parents.
So, let’s set a positive example for our children by demonstrating a balanced approach to technology use.
5) Always being the ‘fixer’
You might think that always being ready to swoop in and solve your child’s problems is a sign of being a good parent. After all, isn’t it our job to protect them from harm and distress?
While this might be true to some extent, if you want your child to see you as a role model, it’s time to step back and let them figure things out on their own sometimes.
Being the perpetual ‘fixer’ can rob your child of the opportunity to develop problem-solving skills and resilience. They need to learn that it’s okay to struggle, make mistakes, and even fail sometimes. It’s all part of the learning process.
Next time your child faces a problem, instead of rushing in with a solution, try guiding them through it. Ask them questions that encourage them to think critically and come up with their own solutions.
Child psychologist Jean Piaget believed that children learn best through hands-on exploration and decision-making.
So let’s give our children the space they need to grow and learn, even if it means watching them stumble along the way.
6) Neglecting self-care
In the hustle and bustle of parenting, it’s easy to forget about taking care of ourselves. But here’s the catch – if you want your child to see you as a role model, it’s time to prioritize self-care.
Why? Because it’s not just about you. When we neglect our own needs, we’re indirectly teaching our children to do the same. We’re showing them that their needs and well-being should always take a backseat to other responsibilities.
Taking time for self-care – whether it’s a workout session, reading a book, or simply unwinding with a cup of tea – can help rejuvenate your mind and body, making you a better parent.
Moreover, it teaches your child the importance of taking care of their own physical and mental health.
As psychologist Abraham Maslow once said, “It isnโt normal to know what we want. It is a rare and difficult psychological achievement.”
Let’s show our children that it’s not only okay but essential to prioritize our own needs and well-being.
7) Unchecked negative habits
Whether it’s chronic lateness, constantly breaking promises, or a tendency to talk over others, we all have habits that could use some work. But if you want your child to see you as a role model, it’s time to tackle these negative habits head-on.
Children are astute observers. They often pick up on our habits and behaviors, both good and bad. Just as they learn kindness, patience, and empathy from us, they also learn our less admirable traits.
For instance, if we’re always running late, we’re teaching them that other people’s time isn’t valuable. If we frequently break promises, we’re showing them that commitments aren’t important.
Working on these negative habits not only improves our own lives but serves as a powerful lesson for our children about personal growth and accountability.
The famous psychologist Carl Jung once said, “I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become.”
Let’s choose to become better versions of ourselves for our children’s sake.
8) Ignoring emotions
Emotions are a fundamental part of being human. But many of us, due to cultural or personal reasons, might have learned to suppress or ignore them. If you want your child to see you as a role model, it’s time to start acknowledging and expressing your emotions healthily.
Children learn emotional management and expression from their parents. If they see us ignoring or suppressing our emotions, they may learn to do the same.
Instead, let’s teach them that it’s okay to feel a range of emotions and that each emotion serves a purpose. Let’s model healthy ways of expressing feelings – like talking about them, writing in a journal, or using art or music to express ourselves.
As the renowned psychologist and author Daniel Goleman said, “Emotional self-controlโ delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness- underlies accomplishment of every sort”.
Let’s help our children understand and manage their emotions by modeling emotional intelligence in our own lives.
Final thoughts: It’s about growth
Parenting is a journey of continuous growth and learning. As we guide our children, we too evolve and become better versions of ourselves.
The behaviors we’ve discussed are not just about guiding our children to see us as role models, but also about our own personal development. As we let go of these habits, we not only pave the way for our children’s growth but also progress in our journey towards self-improvement.
In my book, “Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego”, I delve deeper into the concept of personal growth and how mindfulness can help us become better individuals. These principles can greatly benefit our parenting journey.
At the end of the day, remember that being a role model isn’t about being perfect. It’s about showing our children that it’s okay to be human, to make mistakes, and to learn from them. It’s about showing them that change is possible and that growth is a lifelong process.
As renowned child psychologist Donald Winnicott once said, “It is a joy to be hidden, and disaster not to be found.”
Let us strive to reveal our true selves to our children – the selves that are not afraid to grow, to change, and to strive for better. Because that’s what real role models do.
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