When someone constantly complains, you know they’re unhappy. When someone always envies others, it’s clear they’re not content. These are pretty obvious signs, right?
But the truth is, human emotions aren’t always that straightforward.
Especially when it comes to understanding why some people can never seem to find genuine happiness.
Psychology points us to a few shared behaviors among these individuals. I’m going to delve into 8 of them.
This isn’t about pointing fingers or making judgments. It’s about gaining insight to foster growth and improve our relationships, with ourselves and others. So, let’s get into it.
1) Chronic complaining
We all know them, the ones who always find something to complain about. It’s sunny, but too hot. It’s raining, but too wet. Nothing is ever just right.
These chronic complainers are trapped in a never-ending cycle of negativity. They focus on what’s wrong, what could go wrong, what has gone wrong.
It’s a heavy burden, and it keeps them from experiencing authentic happiness. Because, let’s be honest, happiness is often about perspective.
And if you’re always looking for the bad, that’s all you’re going to find.
But it’s not about blaming or shaming. It’s understanding that this behavior is a roadblock to genuine happiness. And once recognized, it can be changed.
Pretty powerful stuff, right?
2) Constantly comparing
I’ll admit it, I’ve been guilty of this one myself. There was a time when I was constantly comparing myself to others, measuring my success against theirs.
I remember one particular instance clearly. A friend had just gotten a promotion at work and instead of feeling happy for them, I felt envious.
I questioned why they were moving ahead while I felt like I was stuck in a rut.
It was a wake-up call. I realized that this constant comparison was not only stealing my joy but also preventing me from appreciating my own achievements.
And that’s the thing with constant comparers. They’re always looking at what others have, never really seeing what they themselves possess.
It’s a futile pursuit that keeps genuine happiness just out of reach.
But the good news is, once we recognize this behavior in ourselves, we can work on changing it. And trust me, as someone who’s been there, it can be done.
3) Living in the past or future
Time travel isn’t just for sci-fi movies. In fact, every one of us does it on a regular basis.
We revisit past memories, replaying them over and over, dwelling on what we could have done differently.
Or we rush to the future, imagining all the things that could go wrong or right.
The problem is, while we’re busy time-traveling, we’re missing out on the present moment.
And according to research by psychologists Matthew A. Killingsworth and Daniel T. Gilbert of Harvard University, people spend almost 47% of their waking hours thinking about something other than what they’re currently doing.
That’s almost half our lives spent not being fully present! And this constant mental time travel is a sure-fire way to miss out on genuine happiness, which often lies in the here and now.
4) Searching for happiness in material things
Ever bought something new and felt a rush of excitement, only for it to fade away after a short while?
This is a common behaviour among those who seek happiness in material possessions.
They believe the next purchase, the latest tech gadget, or the fanciest car will finally bring them the happiness they’ve been chasing.
But the truth is, these things only provide temporary joy. Once the newness wears off, the longing returns and the cycle continues.
Happiness isn’t something you can buy off a shelf. It’s found in experiences, relationships, and personal growth.
Those who recognize this are one step closer to finding genuine, lasting happiness.
5) Ignoring self-care
I used to be one of those people who would always put others first, even at the cost of my own well-being.
It felt noble, selfless. But over time, I realized it was draining me, leaving me unhappy and exhausted.
The truth is, neglecting self-care is a common behavior among people who struggle to find genuine happiness.
They’re often too busy taking care of everyone else’s needs that they forget their own.
It took me a bit of time and a lot of self-reflection to understand that self-care isn’t selfish.
It’s necessary. By prioritizing my own well-being, I found that not only was I happier, but I also had more to give to others.
It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes. In fact, it’s crucial for your happiness.
6) Avoiding all forms of discomfort
It seems logical, right? To be happy, one must avoid all things unpleasant or uncomfortable. But this isn’t quite the truth.
In fact, those who constantly dodge discomfort never truly find happiness.
Why? Because life isn’t always comfortable. It’s full of challenges, failures, and rejections. And it’s through these experiences that we grow.
Avoiding discomfort means avoiding opportunities for growth. It means staying in a safe but stagnant zone, which ultimately leads to dissatisfaction and unhappiness.
The next time life throws a curveball your way, don’t duck. Embrace it. Learn from it. It might just bring you one step closer to genuine happiness.
7) Lack of gratitude
Gratitude is a powerful thing. It shifts our focus from what we lack to what we have, helping us appreciate the good in our lives.
Yet, many people overlook this simple practice.
They take their blessings for granted and instead focus on what they don’t have.
This lack of gratitude creates a void that no amount of wealth or success can fill. It’s a void that keeps genuine happiness at bay.
Take a moment each day to acknowledge the good in your life, no matter how small. You’ll be surprised at how much it can boost your happiness.
8) Neglecting meaningful relationships
At the end of the day, genuine happiness is deeply rooted in our connections with others.
Those who neglect or take for granted their meaningful relationships often find themselves on an endless search for happiness.
They seek it in their careers, in their achievements, in material possessions, but it remains elusive.
Because true happiness isn’t found in isolation.
It’s found in shared laughter, in heartfelt conversations, in the comforting silence between two people who understand each other.
Cherish your relationships. Nurture them. They’re your biggest source of happiness.
Final thoughts
If you’ve made it this far, hopefully, you’ve gained some insight into the behaviors that can often keep us from experiencing genuine happiness.
Remember, it’s not about blaming or shaming.
It’s about understanding these behaviors as roadblocks on our journey to happiness, and once recognized, they can be changed.
As Nathaniel Branden once said, “The first step toward change is awareness.”
So let’s use this awareness to foster growth, improve our relationships, and start paving our path towards genuine happiness.
After all, isn’t that what we’re all ultimately striving for?
