7 clever phrases to use when you’re arguing with a narcissist

Arguing with a narcissist can feel like talking to a brick wall. They have an inflated sense of self and often struggle to see things from other perspectives.

But don’t worry, it’s not a lost cause. There are certain phrases that can help you get through to even the most stubborn narcissists.

These phrases are not meant to manipulate, but rather, they are tools to guide the conversation and help the other party see things from a different angle.

In this article, I’ll share with you 7 clever phrases that can make arguing with a narcissist more manageable. So stick around, you might just find the key to those impossible conversations.

1) “I understand your point of view…”

When engaging in a conversation with a narcissist, it can often feel like you’re trying to navigate a minefield. Their inflated sense of self can make it challenging to get your point across without triggering defensive responses.

This is where empathy comes into play. Now, don’t misunderstand, empathizing doesn’t mean agreeing. It simply means acknowledging their perspective.

Starting your response with “I understand your point of view…” can help to disarm their defenses. It shows you’re listening and not just dismissing what they’re saying outright.

However, this tactic should always be used sincerely. Using it merely as a manipulation tool will only fuel the narcissist’s argument and potentially escalate the situation.

Remember, the goal is not to win an argument, but to communicate effectively. So use this phrase as a bridge towards mutual understanding, not as a weapon for manipulation.

2) “That’s one way to look at it…”

Another tactic I’ve found helpful is the phrase, “That’s one way to look at it…”. This statement acknowledges their viewpoint but also subtly suggests that there are other perspectives to consider.

For instance, I once had a heated discussion with a narcissistic friend who insisted that her way of handling a mutual project was the only right approach. Instead of directly opposing her, I said, “That’s one way to look at it, but have you considered this alternative…?”

This opened up the conversation to other possibilities without directly challenging her. It allowed me to introduce my suggestions without making her feel attacked or invalidated.

Using this phrase can help create a more balanced dialogue by gently reminding the narcissist that theirs isn’t the only perspective.

3) “How did you arrive at that conclusion?”

One of the characteristics of narcissists is their conviction in their own infallibility. They believe their thoughts and opinions are always correct, sometimes without any substantial reasoning.

Asking “How did you arrive at that conclusion?” is an effective way to challenge this. It prompts them to explain their thought process and provides an opportunity for them to examine their own reasoning.

Interestingly, according to research published by the Department of Psychology at Yale University, when people are asked to explain how a policy works in detail, they often realize their understanding is not as deep as they initially thought. This can lead them to moderate their views or even change them entirely.

By using this phrase, you’re not directly opposing the narcissist. Instead, you’re encouraging introspection and potentially helping them see flaws in their logic without causing an argument.

4) “I see where you’re coming from, but…”

Narcissists often feel the need to dominate conversations and be the center of attention. This can make having a balanced discussion a challenge.

A clever way to handle this is to use the phrase, “I see where you’re coming from, but…”. It acknowledges their perspective, making them feel heard, but it also allows you to express your own viewpoint.

This approach can help level the playing field in a conversation. It’s not about winning or losing the argument; it’s about creating an environment where everyone’s viewpoint is considered and respected.

Remember, it’s crucial to ensure you aren’t using these phrases manipulatively. The goal is to promote healthy communication, not to gain an unfair advantage in an argument.

5) “I feel… when you…”

Expressing your personal emotions can be a powerful tool in a difficult conversation. Using sentences structured as “I feel… when you…” can help articulate your feelings without blaming or criticizing the other person.

There was a time in my life where I found myself constantly clashing with a narcissistic colleague. Our disagreements were frequent and intense, making the workplace stressful.

One day, I decided to change my approach, and instead of arguing, I said, “I feel dismissed when you ignore my suggestions.” This simple statement changed the dynamics of our conversations. It made him aware of how his actions were affecting me without putting him on the defensive.

This approach isn’t about playing the victim; it’s about expressing how their actions impact you. It’s a non-confrontational way to communicate your feelings and potentially prompt them to reconsider their behavior.

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6) “Let’s agree to disagree…”

Sometimes, despite your best efforts, you may not reach an agreement with a narcissist. In these situations, it might be best to agree to disagree.

The phrase “Let’s agree to disagree” can help you maintain your stand without escalating the argument further. It signals that you respect their opinion but also expect the same in return.

This approach can help bring the conversation to a close on a neutral note, preventing further conflict or unnecessary stress. It doesn’t mean you’ve lost the argument; it means you’ve chosen not to let it consume more of your time and energy than it deserves.

7) “Your feelings are valid, too…”

In conversations with a narcissist, it’s vital to remember that your feelings are just as valid as theirs. You have the right to express your thoughts and emotions without fear of being dismissed or invalidated.

If you ever start doubting this, remind yourself: “My feelings are valid, too.” This isn’t a phrase to be said out loud to the narcissist, but rather a mantra for yourself. It will help you maintain your self-esteem and emotional health, even when faced with a challenging conversation.

Standing up for yourself doesn’t mean being combative; it means asserting your right to be heard. And that is perhaps the most important thing in any conversation, especially when arguing with a narcissist.

Final thoughts: It’s about communication

Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging. Their grandiose sense of self-importance and lack of empathy often make for difficult conversations.

Remember, the phrases shared in this article are not magic words that will suddenly change a narcissist’s behavior. They are tools to facilitate more effective communication.

Psychologist Carl Rogers once said, “The greatest gift you can give another is the purity of your attention.” This quote embodies the essence of what these phrases aim to achieve: clear, respectful, and attentive communication.

Arguing with a narcissist might seem like a futile endeavor, but by understanding how to communicate effectively, you can engage in these discussions without losing your patience or self-esteem.

As you navigate these challenging conversations, remember the importance of maintaining your own emotional health. Your feelings are valid too, and you have the right to express them openly and honestly.

In the end, it’s not about winning an argument; it’s about learning how to communicate effectively, even in the most challenging circumstances.

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Isabelle Chase

Isabella Chase, a New York City native, writes about the complexities of modern life and relationships. Her articles draw from her experiences navigating the vibrant and diverse social landscape of the city. Isabella’s insights are about finding harmony in the chaos and building strong, authentic connections in a fast-paced world.

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