For years, I struggled to understand why some people—no matter how well-intentioned—kept pushing others away.
I’ve seen it happen in friendships, relationships, and even within families. At first, I thought it was just bad luck. But the more I dove into psychology, the more I realized that certain behaviors can quietly sabotage our connections with others.
Some people don’t even realize they’re doing it. They wonder why friends stop reaching out or why they always feel left out—never realizing their own actions are part of the problem.
As a longtime psychology enthusiast, I’ve spent years studying human relationships. And through that journey, I’ve discovered seven common behaviors that drive people away time and time again.
If you’ve ever felt like friendships slip through your fingers or that people keep distancing themselves, this article is for you. Let’s dive in.
1) Always making it about themselves
We all want to feel heard and understood. But some people have a habit of turning every conversation back to themselves—without even realizing it.
At first, friends might be patient, listening to endless stories or complaints. But over time, they start to feel like they don’t matter in the relationship.
Psychologists call this conversational narcissism—the tendency to dominate discussions and shift focus back to oneself. And the truth is, people don’t stick around when they feel unheard or unimportant.
I’ve seen this happen in my own life. I had a friend who would always circle back to his own problems, even when I was sharing something personal. Eventually, I stopped opening up to him—and so did everyone else.
If you’re worried you might be doing this, try a simple shift: The next time you’re talking to a friend, make it a point to ask genuine questions about their life. Listen without immediately relating it back to yourself.
A little self-awareness can go a long way in keeping your friendships strong.
2) Never apologizing or admitting fault
I used to have a friend who could never admit when he was wrong. No matter what happened—whether he forgot plans, said something hurtful, or completely misunderstood a situation—he always had an excuse.
At first, I brushed it off. Nobody’s perfect, right? But over time, it became exhausting. Every disagreement turned into a battle where he had to be right, and I had to be wrong.
Eventually, I realized something: It wasn’t that he never made mistakes—it was that his ego wouldn’t allow him to own up to them.
Psychologist Carl Jung once said, “People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul.” And that’s exactly what was happening. Instead of taking responsibility, he found ways to justify everything.
The truth is, refusing to apologize pushes people away. Friendships aren’t about being perfect—they’re about being accountable. A simple “I’m sorry” can do more for a relationship than a hundred excuses ever could.
If you struggle with this, start small. The next time you catch yourself getting defensive, pause. Ask yourself: Is my need to be right more important than this friendship?
Because in the end, the strongest relationships are built on honesty—not ego.
3) Only reaching out when they need something
A few years ago, I had a friend who only seemed to text me when he needed a favor. At first, I didn’t think much of it—I was happy to help. But after a while, I started noticing a pattern.
He never reached out just to check in or see how I was doing. If my name popped up on my phone, I could almost guarantee it was because he needed something—a ride, advice, an introduction to someone, or even money.
At some point, I decided to test it. I stopped initiating conversations to see if he’d ever reach out just to talk. Weeks went by. Then months. Nothing.
That’s when it hit me: This wasn’t a friendship. It was a transactional relationship disguised as one. And truthfully? It didn’t feel good.
Nobody wants to feel like they’re only useful when it’s convenient for someone else. Friendships should be about mutual support—not just one person constantly taking while the other gives.
If you’re worried you might be doing this, ask yourself: When was the last time I reached out just to check in, without needing anything in return?
A simple message like “Hey, how have you been?” can go a long way in showing your friends that they actually matter to you—even when you don’t need a favor.
4) Being overly negative all the time
There was a time when I didn’t even realize how much negativity I was putting out into the world. I wasn’t angry or mean—I just always had something to complain about. Work was stressful, the weather was terrible, people were annoying.
At first, my friends listened and sympathized. But after a while, I noticed they started pulling away. Conversations became shorter, and invites became less frequent.
It took me a long time to realize why: My negativity was draining them.
Science backs this up. A study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that exposure to constant negativity can lead to emotional exhaustion in friendships.
Basically, if you’re always focusing on what’s wrong, the people around you start feeling weighed down too.
That was a wake-up call for me. I started making a conscious effort to balance out my conversations—not by pretending everything was perfect, but by noticing and appreciating the good moments too.
If you’re struggling with this, try checking yourself during conversations. Are you always steering things toward complaints?
If so, make an effort to talk about something positive—something funny that happened, something exciting you’re looking forward to. Friendships should be a source of support, not a constant emotional burden.
5) Not respecting boundaries
I once had a friend who just didn’t understand boundaries. If I said I was busy, he’d still push to hang out. If I needed space, he’d bombard me with messages. And if I ever tried to set limits, he’d act offended—like I was being unfair for wanting a little breathing room.
At first, I felt guilty. Maybe I was being too distant? But over time, I realized something important: Respecting someone’s boundaries isn’t about agreeing with them—it’s about honoring them, even if they don’t make sense to you.
Psychologists emphasize that healthy relationships require mutual respect for personal space and limits. When someone constantly ignores those limits, it creates resentment and pushes people away.
The truth is, nobody wants to feel pressured or guilty for needing time to themselves. Friendships thrive when both people feel comfortable expressing their needs—without fear of backlash.
If you’re unsure whether you’ve been crossing boundaries, pay attention to how your friends respond when they say “no” or set a limit.
Do you accept it, or do you keep pushing? Sometimes, the best way to strengthen a friendship is by giving people the space they need.
6) Never showing appreciation
A few years ago, I had a close friend who I was always there for. Whether he needed advice, someone to vent to, or just someone to hang out with, I showed up.
But over time, I started to notice something: He never really acknowledged it. No “thank you,” no small gestures of appreciation—just the expectation that I’d always be there.
At first, I ignored it. Friendship isn’t about keeping score, right?
But after a while, I started feeling drained. It wasn’t that I needed constant praise—I just wanted to feel valued. And when that never happened, I started pulling away.
This lines up with what William James, the renowned psychologist, once said: “The deepest principle in human nature is the craving to be appreciated.”
People don’t expect grand gestures, but they do want to feel like their efforts matter. A simple “I appreciate you” or “Thanks for always being there” can make all the difference in keeping a friendship strong.
If you’re worried you might be neglecting this, take a moment to think about the people in your life who have been there for you.
When was the last time you let them know how much they mean to you? A little gratitude can go a long way in keeping friendships alive.
7) Being too available
It sounds strange, right? After all, isn’t being there for your friends a good thing?
Yes—but there’s a fine line between being supportive and being too available. If you’re always the first to text, always the one making plans, and always dropping everything whenever they need you, it can actually backfire.
I learned this the hard way. There was a time when I made myself too accessible to certain friends. I’d reply instantly, rearrange my schedule for them, and always be ready to listen.
But instead of strengthening those friendships, I noticed something unexpected: People started taking me for granted.
The reality is, when you’re always available, people subconsciously start valuing your time less. Psychologists call this the scarcity principle—we tend to appreciate things more when they’re not constantly at our fingertips.
The fix? Create some balance. Instead of always being the first to reach out, let your friends take the initiative sometimes.
If you’re always saying “yes” to plans, try saying “no” occasionally. Not to play games—but to ensure that your friendships are built on mutual effort, not just your constant availability.
Friendships should be a two-way street. And sometimes, stepping back a little can actually bring people closer.
Final thoughts
If you’ve recognized yourself in any of these behaviors, don’t panic—awareness is the first step to change.
Friendships aren’t about being perfect; they’re about being mindful of how we treat others. Small shifts—like listening more, showing appreciation, and respecting boundaries—can make a huge difference in how people connect with you.
Here’s a simple challenge: Pick one behavior from this list that resonated with you the most. Over the next week, make a conscious effort to improve in that area.
The best friendships are built on mutual respect and effort. And the good news? It’s never too late to strengthen the connections that matter.
