Raising children is a challenging task, and as parents, we continuously question our own methods.
Some parenting styles, according to psychology, can lead to children becoming overly sensitive and emotional.
In this piece, we’re going to delve into eight specific behaviors that can contribute to this. It’s not about pointing fingers or laying blame – parenting is a journey and we’re all learning.
Understanding these behaviors can give us a clearer picture and, potentially, guide us towards more balanced parenting approaches. After all, it’s always about doing what’s best for our little ones.
So, let’s dive in, shall we?
1) Emotional contagion
Psychology tells us that our emotions can be as contagious as a common cold. A concept known as emotional contagion affirms that we, as humans, can ‘catch’ and ‘mirror’ the feelings of those around us.
This is particularly true for children, who often look up to their parents as their emotional compass. So if you’re constantly anxious, upset or angry, there’s a high chance your child will mirror these emotions.
The famous psychologist, Carl Jung, once said, “Children are educated by what the grown-up is and not by his talk.”
This quote beautifully encapsulates how our behaviors and emotional states can significantly influence our children, even without a single word spoken.
So, it’s important to check in with ourselves and ensure we’re not unintentionally passing on our emotional baggage to our little ones.
2) Lack of emotional boundaries
As a parent, I’ve learned that setting emotional boundaries with my children is crucial.
When my son had his first heartbreak, I found myself caught in his emotional turmoil. I wanted to take away his pain, but in the process, I realized I was becoming overly involved in his emotions.
The renowned psychologist, John Bowlby, who developed attachment theory, said, “For the child, it is as though his feelings were gently caught up and echoed back to him.” This quote resonated deeply with me.
When we as parents absorb our children’s emotions without setting boundaries, we inadvertently validate their overly emotional responses.
It’s important to empathize with our children’s feelings without losing ourselves in the process. This balance can help them navigate their emotions more healthily.
3) Overprotection and control
Parenthood is a scary journey, fraught with worries about our children’s wellbeing.
But, in our quest to shield them from harm, we might end up overprotecting them. I’ve caught myself doing this more times than I care to admit.
Overprotection can limit children’s experiences and their ability to handle adversity. They become overly sensitive as they don’t get enough opportunities to develop resilience.
Sigmund Freud once said, “I cannot think of any need in childhood as strong as the need for a father’s protection.” While this speaks to the importance of protection, it’s crucial to remember that overprotection can be just as damaging.
Finding that sweet spot where we protect our children without stifling their growth is essential for their emotional development.
4) Inconsistent parenting
One of the toughest aspects of parenting, in my experience, is consistency. It’s easy to waver in our responses based on our mood, the situation, or simply how tired we are.
However, inconsistent parenting can lead to insecurity and emotional instability in children. They struggle to understand their boundaries and expectations, which can result in heightened emotional reactions.
Albert Bandura, a renowned psychologist known for his work on social learning theory, said, “Children learn more from what you are than what you teach.” Consistency in our behavior serves as a steady guide for our children in a world that is often unpredictable.
Remembering to be consistent might be challenging but it’s an investment in our children’s emotional health.
5) Too much praise
It may seem counterintuitive, but excessively praising our children can actually lead to them becoming overly sensitive and emotional.
While we instinctively want to shower our children with compliments and affirmations, it can set unrealistic standards for them. They may start seeking constant validation and react emotionally when they don’t receive it.
Psychologist Erik Erikson once said, “Children cannot be fooled by empty praise and condescending encouragement.” He reminds us of the importance of meaningful, balanced praise.
While it’s important to celebrate our children’s achievements, let’s also teach them that it’s okay not to be perfect all the time. It’s through failures and struggles that they learn to cope with life’s ups and downs.
6) Dismissing or invalidating feelings
Our natural instinct as parents is to soothe our children and make them feel better when they’re upset. However, dismissing or invalidating their feelings with phrases like “it’s not a big deal” can actually lead to emotional sensitivity.
When we dismiss their feelings, children may feel unheard or misunderstood, which can heighten their emotional response.
Renowned psychologist Daniel Goleman said, “If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand, if you don’t have self-awareness, if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions…then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.”
This quote highlights the importance of acknowledging and managing emotions.
As parents, let’s strive to validate our children’s feelings and guide them towards understanding and expressing those emotions healthily.
7) Neglecting emotional education
In my parenting journey, I’ve realized that emotional education is just as crucial as academic knowledge. Often, we focus on grades and achievements, neglecting to teach our children about emotions and how to handle them.
When we neglect this aspect of their education, children may struggle to deal with their feelings, leading to heightened sensitivity and emotional reactions.
As psychologist Abraham Maslow pointed out, “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth.” By teaching our children about emotions, we’re equipping them with the tools they need for emotional growth and resilience.
Let’s make a conscious effort to include emotional education in our children’s learning journey.
8) Avoiding difficult conversations
As a parent, I know how tempting it is to shield our children from difficult conversations about loss, disappointment, or failure. We fear these discussions might upset them or rob them of their innocence.
However, these conversations are crucial in shaping our children’s emotional resilience. Avoiding them can make children overly sensitive and unprepared to face life’s inevitable hardships.
Psychologist Carl Rogers said, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” This quote beautifully highlights the importance of acknowledging and discussing difficult emotions.
By having these tough conversations, we help our children understand and accept their emotions, paving the way for emotional growth and resilience.
9) Not allowing children to problem-solve
It might seem counterintuitive, but stepping in to solve every problem our children face can actually lead to emotional sensitivity. We do this out of love, wanting to shield them from struggle and stress.
However, by not allowing them to problem-solve, we deny them the opportunity to learn coping skills and resilience. This can result in heightened emotional responses when they face challenges.
Psychologist Jean Piaget said, “The goal of education is not to increase the amount of knowledge but to create the possibilities for a child to invent and discover.” His words ring true in this context.
As parents, our role should be to guide our children as they navigate challenges, not eliminate the challenges entirely. Let’s equip them with the tools they need to face life’s hurdles head on.
10) Overcompensating for our own childhood
As a parent, I’ve found myself trying to overcompensate for things I felt were missing from my own childhood. While it comes from a place of love, this can unintentionally lead to raising overly sensitive and emotional children.
Our children’s experiences and challenges are different from ours. By projecting our past onto them, we may inadvertently stifle their emotional growth.
Famous psychologist Donald Winnicott once said, “The good-enough mother…starts off with an almost complete adaptation to her infant’s needs, and as time proceeds she adapts less and less completely.” This quote is a reminder that perfect parenting doesn’t exist.
In our quest to give our children the best, let’s not forget that they need their own experiences, both good and bad, to grow emotionally strong.
Final thoughts
Parenting is an evolving journey, filled with both challenges and opportunities for growth.
Remember, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to parenting; it’s about progress, self-awareness, and continuous learning. As we strive for balance and foster a supportive environment, we empower our children to face life’s challenges with confidence and emotional strength.
Let’s embrace this journey with compassion and the understanding that every step, even the missteps, brings us closer to nurturing well-rounded, resilient individuals.
