Sometimes, we all hide behind certain phrases because admitting we’re unhappy feels too scary or too vulnerable.
In my work as a psychologist, I’ve seen how these subtle linguistic habits can become a shield, protecting us from revealing our deeper feelings to those around us, and even to ourselves.
If you’ve noticed you or a friend frequently leaning on any of these statements, don’t worry. The truth is, most of us have resorted to some of these phrases in our lowest moments.
The key is recognizing when these words stop being harmless and start becoming masks for genuine unhappiness.
Let’s unpack some of the most common ones.
1. “I’m fine.”
How many times have you blurted out “I’m fine” even when you’re anything but?
This simple phrase is often code for “I don’t want to talk about it” or “I’m scared you won’t understand.” It can sometimes feel easier to deflect concern rather than risk being judged or dismissed.
In therapy sessions, I often hear clients say “I’m fine” as a reflex before they realize they’re carrying a mountain of stress or sadness.
What’s behind this phrase?
Sometimes it’s fear of being labeled “dramatic” or “too sensitive.” Sometimes it’s a habit formed during childhood, maybe you were told to “keep it together” no matter what.
Over time, “I’m fine” can become your default, even when you desperately crave a shoulder to cry on.
I recall a former client who repeatedly said “I’m fine” every time I asked her how she felt about a series of life challenges.
After several sessions, she finally admitted that “I’m fine” was a shield. She was afraid if she let her guard down, she would start crying and never stop.
Once we got beneath that fear, she found that sharing her vulnerability actually felt liberating.
Brené Brown, an expert on vulnerability, said it best: “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity, and change.”
Dropping our guard can be scary, but it’s where real healing begins.
2. “It is what it is.”
On the surface, “It is what it is” seems like a statement of acceptance. But I’ve noticed that it’s often a cover-up for resignation.
Rather than a genuine acceptance of a situation, it can signal that someone feels stuck or powerless.
When we constantly repeat this phrase, we might be telling ourselves we have no control, or worse, that we shouldn’t even try to change what’s making us unhappy.
One client of mine used this phrase every time his boss piled on extra work without a pay raise. He didn’t want to rock the boat, so his go-to response was, “It is what it is.”
But underneath that detached tone was frustration, anger, and fear of confrontation.
By continually shrugging off his own needs, he felt increasingly disrespected at work. Eventually, he realized that those feelings of resignation were fueling deeper unhappiness.
Instead of surrendering with “It is what it is,” try acknowledging your feelings and then asking, “What can I do about this?”
3. “I’m just tired.”
We all get tired. But if you’re constantly telling people (and yourself) that your mood swings, lack of enthusiasm, or irritability are just a result of being “tired,” you may be glossing over deeper unhappiness.
In my experience, “I’m tired” can be a safer way of saying, “I’m emotionally drained and I don’t have the energy to cope with what’s really going on.”
I used to catch myself saying “I’m tired” whenever I felt overwhelmed by juggling work, parenting, and life in general.
Sure, actual fatigue was part of it, I have two young kids, after all.
But there were moments when I recognized that “tired” was also a stand-in for feeling lonely or stressed.
When I started naming my emotions more accurately; “I’m lonely,” “I’m anxious,” “I feel spread too thin,” I found healthier ways to cope, like scheduling a yoga session or carving out 15 minutes to just breathe and reset.
If you find yourself repeatedly using “I’m tired” and never feeling rested, pause and ask: Is there something emotional going on that I’m avoiding?
Genuine burnout doesn’t get better by a single good night’s sleep.
It often requires a deeper look at your boundaries, your responsibilities, and your internal dialogue.
4. “I can’t complain.”
Have you ever responded to a polite “How are you?” with “I can’t complain,” even when you’ve got a laundry list of worries on your mind?
This phrase can be a hallmark of people who feel guilty about their feelings.
Maybe you have a decent job or a supportive family, and you think, “There are people who have it worse, I shouldn’t complain.”
So you keep everything bottled up, telling yourself you don’t have the “right” to feel unhappy.
In reality, it’s okay to hold gratitude for what you have and still acknowledge that something’s not quite right in your life.
When we constantly dismiss our own emotions by saying we have “no reason” to complain, we invalidate our own experiences.
I once worked with a client who felt ashamed for being unhappy because, in her words, she had “all the basic needs met.” Over time, she realized that unmet emotional needs can weigh just as heavily as unmet practical needs.
Respecting our emotional selves is crucial for building healthier relationships.
That includes giving ourselves the space to admit, “Actually, things aren’t perfect and I am struggling.”
It’s not about whining; it’s about recognizing we’re allowed to be honest about our emotional reality.
5. “It doesn’t matter to me.”
If you constantly say “It doesn’t matter to me” or “I don’t care,” it could be a sign of disconnect, either from yourself, from others, or from the situation at hand.
Some people lean on this phrase when they’re trying to avoid conflict.
Rather than stating a preference or an opinion, they claim neutrality.
But deep down, they might be too scared to voice what they actually want or need, worried they’ll be judged or dismissed.
I remember a couple I worked with who struggled to choose anything, from movie nights to major home renovations because one partner always said, “Whatever, I don’t mind.”
It sounded accommodating, but the truth was that she felt unimportant in the relationship and believed her opinions didn’t carry weight.
By avoiding conflict through indifference, she was effectively hiding her own hurt and longing for validation.
Pretending not to care can erode genuine connection over time.
Often, people around you want to know what you think. Sharing your perspective fosters a sense of belonging and respect.
6. “It’s no big deal.”
Finally, let’s talk about another classic: “It’s no big deal.”
I hear this one a lot when people want to dismiss their own disappointments or hurts. It might be a reaction to being brushed off in the past, or a fear of seeming overly sensitive.
But downplaying an upsetting event doesn’t make the pain magically disappear.
It can actually intensify it because you’re sending yourself the message that your feelings aren’t worthy of acknowledgment.
I recall when a dear friend shrugged off hurtful criticism from a family member with “It’s no big deal.” Later, she confessed that the words haunted her and made her question her worth.
By denying how much it affected her, she carried those negative feelings around until they seeped into other areas of her life, fueling stress and self-doubt.
Suppressing feelings by calling them “no big deal” can lead to cumulative stress.
It’s healthier to admit, “That really bothered me,” and then find ways to address or process it.
The bottom line
We all use these phrases from time to time.
The trick is knowing when they’re becoming a pattern that masks deeper emotional pain.
Often, these statements are easier than admitting we feel stuck, lonely, anxious, or unheard.
But acknowledging how we really feel is the first step toward building a healthier emotional life.
Here at Blog Herald, we believe that honesty, both with yourself and the people around you, fosters genuine connections and personal growth.
If you’ve identified one or two of these go-to phrases in your own vocabulary, consider whether they’re serving you.
Maybe you’re simply avoiding conflict or trying not to appear burdensome.
Maybe it’s time to dig deeper, have an open conversation, or seek a professional perspective.
Real happiness doesn’t come from denying unhappiness.
It comes from facing the full range of our emotions, recognizing the lessons they bring, and giving ourselves permission to feel, heal, and grow.
And once you muster the courage to drop these conversational shields, you might be surprised by how much lighter and more authentic life feels.
