As a psychologist, I often observe the way our behaviors and habits shape our lives—and, believe it or not, there are many behaviors you may not realize are holding you back.
Sometimes, the biggest obstacles to our progress aren’t external—they’re the habits and behaviors we unknowingly engage in.
These self-defeating behaviors are subtle, often going unnoticed, but they can have a lasting impact on our lives, whether it’s personal growth, relationships, or career success.
Even small, everyday actions can have a significant impact on our success and well-being.
This article is here to shed light on the 9 behaviors that you probably don’t realize are setting you back in life—you might be surprised to discover what’s really holding you back:
1) Procrastination
Procrastination is a common behavior we all engage in from time to time but, when it becomes a habit, it can hold you back in life!
You might think you’re just putting off a task for a better time, or waiting for the “right moment”.
However, in reality, you’re avoiding the task altogether, causing unnecessary stress and anxiety.
This behavior may seem harmless at first; maybe you miss a deadline here and there, or keep postponing that doctor’s appointment.
But eventually, it can cost you a lot — chronic procrastination can lead to missed opportunities and unfulfilled potential.
2) Negative self-talk
Negative self-talk, that little voice in your head constantly criticizing and doubting your abilities, can be a significant roadblock in your life.
You may not even realize you’re doing it; phrases like “I can’t do this,” “I always mess up,” or “I’m just not good enough,” become so engrained, they feel like a part of you.
But here’s the thing: These thoughts aren’t reflective of your true capacities.
Often, they’re based on past experiences or fear of failure.
This constant self-criticism can erode your confidence and prevent you from taking risks or pursuing opportunities.
3) Overplanning
Planning is generally considered a good thing—it helps us organize our time, set goals, and prepare for the future.
But there’s a fine line between beneficial planning and overplanning.
If you find yourself spending more time planning than actually doing, you might be falling into the overplanning trap.
You could be creating detailed plans for every hour of your day, or planning out your life years in advance.
This behavior may give you a sense of control, but it often leads to rigidity and stress when things don’t go according to plan.
Life is unpredictable, and having the flexibility to adapt is crucial.
Instead of obsessively planning every detail, try to find a balance—set your goals and make plans, but leave room for spontaneity and the unexpected.
4) Ignoring your emotions
In a world that often prioritizes productivity and rationality, it’s easy to push our emotions aside.
You might think you’re being strong by not letting your feelings get in the way, but—in reality—ignoring your emotions can be detrimental.
Emotions are a fundamental part of being human—they’re signals from our brain telling us about our needs, desires, and boundaries.
Ignoring them is like ignoring the check engine light on your car; sooner or later, something’s going to break down.
When you suppress your feelings, you’re not dealing with the issue at hand. It might be easier in the short term, but long term, it can lead to stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems.
Start listening to your emotions—it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or scared!
5) Being too hard on yourself
We all make mistakes, it’s a part of life—but being excessively hard on yourself when things don’t go as planned isn’t healthy or productive.
It’s okay to strive for excellence, but beating yourself up over every little mistake only leads to stress and self-deprecation.
Remember, nobody is perfect: Each mistake is an opportunity to learn and grow.
Instead of dwelling on your shortcomings, try to focus on your progress and strengths.
Be kind to yourself, just as you would be to a close friend.
Self-compassion not only enhances your emotional well-being but also motivates you to take on new challenges with a positive attitude.
6) Constantly comparing yourself to others
In an age of social media, it’s incredibly easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others.
You see someone’s highlight reel online—their perfect job, their dream vacation, their picture-perfect family—and you start to feel like you’re not measuring up.
But here’s the thing: what you see online is often a carefully curated and edited version of reality—everyone has struggles and challenges that they don’t publicize.
Comparing yourself to others can rob you of joy and prevent you from appreciating your own achievements.
Instead of focusing on what others have or do, try to concentrate on your own path.
Celebrate your progress, no matter how small, and remember that everyone’s journey is unique.
7) Taking life too seriously
Life comes with its fair share of ups and downs but, if you’re always stressing about the future or dwelling on the past, you might be forgetting to enjoy the present moment.
Sure, paying bills and meeting deadlines is important—so is laughing at a silly joke, enjoying an ice cream on a sunny day, or dancing in your living room just because you feel like it.
Taking life too seriously can steal your joy and dampen your spirit.
So loosen up a little: Embrace the small pleasures of life, and remember to laugh.
After all, life’s too short not to have a little fun along the way!
8) Avoiding change
We often cling to what’s familiar because it gives us a sense of security.
Refusing to embrace change can stunt your growth and keep you stuck in a comfort zone that’s anything but comfortable.
Life is a series of changes—some we choose, others are thrust upon us.
Dodging change won’t make it disappear; it only delays the inevitable and often complicates things even more.
It’s time to face the music: Change can be scary, yes, but it’s also an opportunity for growth and new experiences.
Try leaning into change, once in a while, until you get used to it; you might be surprised at what you can achieve when you’re willing to step out of your comfort zone.
9) Not believing in yourself
At the end of the day, the most critical habit that can hold you back in life is not believing in yourself.
It’s easy to doubt your abilities, especially when faced with challenges or surrounded by people who seem more accomplished.
Everyone starts somewhere, and every expert was once a beginner.
Your belief in yourself is a powerful force that can either propel you forward or hold you back.
If you don’t believe you can achieve something, you likely won’t try—however, if you believe in your potential and your ability to learn and grow, there’s no limit to what you can achieve.
Hold your head up high, trust in your abilities, and remember: You are capable, you are worthy, and the only person who needs to believe that is you!
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