I’ve often wondered how much of who we are is shaped by those early years we barely remember. I mean, think about it—childhood is the blueprint for how we navigate the world.
But what happens when that foundation is a little shaky, or worse, built on quicksand? It’s not like we get a choice in the matter, yet we still grow up carrying the weight of those experiences.
I’ve seen it in friends, in myself, and in the stories that go untold. The behaviors that result from a deprived childhood are survival tactics, deeply woven into our being.
In this piece, I’m going to walk you through ten behaviors that often show up when someone’s childhood didn’t exactly come with a “happy memories” guarantee.
1) Hyper-vigilance
Growing up in an uncertain environment can lead to heightened alertness.
This is known as hyper-vigilance, a state of constant alertness to potential danger. It’s a survival mechanism often seen in individuals who have had unstable, unpredictable childhoods.
Think about it. If a child is unsure of when their next meal will come, or when they may face violence or neglect, they learn to constantly scan their surroundings for threats. This behavior can persist into adulthood, even when the individual is no longer in danger.
Psychology tells us that it’s a response to traumatic events that happened in the past, so try to be gentle when you’re talking to someone who displays signs of hyper-vigilance.
2) Difficulty trusting others
Trust is a tricky concept for those deprived of a healthy childhood.
I remember a friend of mine, who grew up in an unstable home. His parents were often absent, leaving him to fend for himself from an early age. This experience left a deep mark on him. As we grew older, I noticed he often struggled to trust people, even those who had proven to be reliable.
He told me once, “It’s hard for me to believe that people will stay, or do what they say they will. In my experience, they usually don’t.”
This isn’t an uncommon behavior in individuals who’ve had a deprived childhood. When the people who are supposed to care for you consistently let you down, it becomes hard to believe anyone else won’t do the same.
3) Emotional regulation difficulties
Growing up in a chaotic environment often means not learning how to effectively manage emotions. This can lead to what’s known as emotional dysregulation, where a person struggles to control their emotional responses.
In a more stable upbringing, children are often guided and taught how to understand and control their emotions. But in a deprived childhood, these vital lessons may be missed.
The result? Adults who might seem overly sensitive or reactive. It’s not that they’re trying to be difficult or dramatic; they simply never learned those crucial coping mechanisms.
According to studies, individuals who experience adversity in their early years are more likely to struggle with emotional regulation in adulthood. This reinforces the idea that our childhood experiences significantly shape our emotional landscapes.
4) Constant need for validation
Validation is a basic human need. We all want to feel seen, heard and understood. But for those who faced neglect or indifference in their early years, this need can become amplified.
Individuals deprived of a healthy childhood might constantly seek approval or reassurance from others. They might doubt their own worth and abilities, simply because they were never validated in their formative years.
It’s a coping mechanism, a way to fill the void left by the absence of early affirmation. And while it might seem needy or attention-seeking to an outsider, it’s really just a deep-seated desire for acceptance and reassurance.
5) Difficulty forming stable relationships
Forming and maintaining stable relationships can be a challenge for those who had a deprived childhood.
When your early experiences with relationships are filled with instability, unpredictability, or even abuse, it’s hard to believe that healthy, stable relationships are possible. These individuals might struggle with commitment, or they might sabotage relationships out of fear of being hurt or abandoned.
It’s a protective mechanism, a way to avoid the pain they’ve experienced in the past. But it can also lead to a cycle of loneliness and isolation.
6) Fear of abandonment
According to psychologists, the fear of being abandoned can be a heart-wrenching experience for those who have been deprived of a stable childhood.
Imagine, if you will, a child whose parents are inconsistent—loving one minute, neglectful, or even abusive the next. This child never knows what to expect, and lives in constant fear of being left alone.
Carried into adulthood, this fear can manifest as anxiety in relationships, an overwhelming need to please others, or a reluctance to get close to anyone at all. It’s a heartrending struggle born out of the desperate need for security that was denied in their early years.
7) Tendency to self-isolate
In my early twenties, I found myself avoiding social situations. It was easier to stay in, to avoid the potential disappointments or conflicts that might arise from interacting with others.
It took me a while to realize that this self-imposed isolation was a product of my own challenging childhood. Growing up in an environment where trust was a luxury and disappointment was the norm, I had learned to protect myself by keeping others at a distance.
This is a common behavior among those who had a deprived childhood. Self-isolation can feel like the safer option when past experiences have taught you that people can be unreliable or harmful.
8) Overachievement
At first glance, overachieving might seem like a positive trait. But when it’s driven by a deep-seated fear of not being good enough, it can become a heavy burden.
Individuals deprived of a healthy childhood often struggle with feelings of worthlessness. They might believe they have to prove their value by being the best at everything they do.
This relentless pursuit of achievement isn’t about ambition or passion. It’s about seeking validation and acceptance, trying to compensate for the love and approval they didn’t receive in their early years.
9) Resilience
Despite the challenges they have faced, individuals who have had a deprived childhood often display remarkable resilience.
Growing up in difficult circumstances can be akin to navigating a storm. And just as a sailor becomes more skilled by sailing through rough seas, these individuals often develop an incredible ability to weather life’s toughest storms.
I am not trying to romanticize their hardships. Rather, we can acknowledge the strength and resilience they’ve developed as a result of their experiences. They have a unique ability to endure, adapt, and even thrive, in the face of adversity.
10) Capacity for empathy
Having experienced hardship and adversity firsthand, those deprived of a healthy childhood often possess a deep capacity for empathy.
They know what it’s like to feel hurt, scared, or neglected. As a result, they can often identify with others who are suffering, offering understanding and compassion that comes from a place of shared experience.
This empathy is a powerful ability to connect with others on a profound level, born out of their own experiences. It’s arguably one of the most beautiful traits that can emerge from the ashes of a deprived childhood.
Unseen strength
As I sit here and reflect on what makes us tick—the ways we react, the things we long for—it’s hard not to think of those who grew up facing more than their fair share of storms. It’s easy to overlook the quiet battles being fought beneath the surface, to dismiss the behaviors as simply “difficult” or “different.”
But maybe there’s more to it. I see these traits as a kind of hidden strength, the kind you don’t always notice until life pushes you to the edge.
So, when we talk about behaviors shaped by a rough start, we see resilience. We can see finding your footing, even when the ground beneath you was never steady. It’s a reminder that while not all stories start with “once upon a time,” there’s still room for growth, healing, and yes, even a little magic along the way.
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