As a parent, it’s natural to want the best for your children. However, there’s a fine line between loving and spoiling them.
When this line is crossed, it can lead to the upbringing of entitled and spoiled kids. If left unchecked, these behaviors can persist into adulthood and affect their relationships, careers, and overall well-being.
The tricky part is often these behaviours are subtle and unintentional on the parents’ end. It’s easy to miss the signs as they gradually creep into your parenting style.
Psychology has identified several behaviors that contribute to raising entitled and spoiled kids. In this article, I’ll be breaking down the top eight, according to psychologists.
Let’s get started.
1) They overindulge
Overindulgence is a common pitfall many parents fall into, often without even realizing it.
According to psychologist Dr. David Bredehoft, overindulgence can come in three forms:
- Too much
- Overnurturing
- Soft structure
It can be as subtle as giving in to your child’s every whim or as blatant as showering them with material goods they don’t necessarily need.
This behavior tends to stem from a desire to see your child happy. However, when overindulgence becomes a habit, it diminishes the value of hard work and the importance of earning rewards.
Your child may start expecting everything to come easily, without understanding the effort that goes into achieving things.
This not only breeds entitlement but also hampers their ability to cope with disappointment or failure in the future.
The world doesn’t always cater to our whims and desires, and it’s essential for children to learn this early on.
2) They fail to set boundaries
They might not understand it yet, but every child truly needs boundaries.
It’s through understanding and respecting these limits they learn self-control and become considerate of others’ feelings and needs.
When parents fail to set and enforce boundaries, children may struggle to understand the concept of limits. They may feel they’re entitled to do as they please, without considering the impact of their actions on others.
For example, if a child is allowed to interrupt adults when they are talking, they may grow up thinking it’s okay to disregard others’ time or opinions.
Or, if they’re never expected to clear up their toys, they might not develop a sense of responsibility.
Failing to set boundaries can lead to children growing into adults who struggle with respecting rules or authorities. They may also find it difficult to adapt in environments like school or work where boundaries are crucial.
Setting clear and consistent boundaries teaches children that their actions have consequences and helps them become more self-aware and respectful towards others.
3) They solve every problem for them
As parents, we naturally want to protect our kids from any form of distress or discomfort.
However, rushing to solve every problem your child encounters can be more harmful than helpful.
By constantly stepping in, you might inadvertently send the message that your child is incapable of handling challenges on their own.
The result? A lack of self-confidence and an over-reliance on others to navigate difficulties.
Moreover, children miss out on valuable opportunities to learn problem-solving skills and resilience. Overcoming obstacles and learning from mistakes is a crucial part of growth and development.
Instead of always coming to the rescue, allow your child to grapple with minor problems under your guidance.
This way, they not only learn to solve issues independently but also understand that it’s okay to make mistakes and learn from them.
4) They don’t model gratitude
Children are like sponges, soaking up everything around them, including our attitudes and behaviors.
If we, as parents, aren’t practicing gratitude in our daily lives, it’s unlikely our children will either.
If we’re constantly chasing after the next big thing, always wanting more, never satisfied with what we have, our children will mirror this.
They grow up thinking this constant dissatisfaction is the norm, leading to a sense of entitlement and a lack of appreciation for what they already have.
In contrast, showing appreciation for small victories and little pleasures in life teaches children to value what they have. It’s important to acknowledge the good in our lives and express gratitude for it.
Remember, it’s not always about teaching; often, it’s about showing. Our actions can teach our children far more than our words.
5) They fail to recognize and encourage empathy
Empathy is a powerful trait, one that helps us connect with others on a deeper level. It’s the ability to understand and share the feelings of others, and it’s crucial in developing strong, healthy relationships.
However, empathy doesn’t always come naturally to children. They might not understand why they should share their toys with others or why it’s important to comfort a friend who’s upset.
That’s where we, as parents, come in.
By acknowledging their feelings and teaching them to recognize emotions in others, we can help them develop empathy.
As Dr. Jane Nelsen, author and founder of The Positive Discipline Association, says, “Children will listen to you if they feel listened to.”
So when your child is upset, acknowledge their feelings and comfort them. When they’re happy, share in their joy.
Encourage them to consider how their actions might affect others. If they snatch a toy from another child, instead of just scolding them, explain how their actions might have made the other child feel.
6) They consistently put their kids on a pedestal
It’s only natural to think highly of our kids – they’re our pride and joy, after all. However, consistently putting them on a pedestal can be problematic.
When parents constantly tell their children they’re the best, the smartest, or the most talented, it creates an unrealistic self-image. They start believing they’re superior to others and feel entitled to special treatment.
It also puts immense pressure on them to always be the best, leading to stress and anxiety.
And then later on, when they inevitably face a situation where they aren’t the best – be it in school, sports, or other activities – it can be a significant blow to their self-esteem.
As parents, it’s crucial that we acknowledge our children’s strengths but also their weaknesses. This helps them understand that it’s okay not to be perfect and that everyone has areas they can improve on.
7) They neglect the power of ‘please’ and ‘thank you’
It may seem trivial, but the power of ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ should not be underestimated.
Teaching children to use these simple words can go a long way in preventing them from becoming entitled or spoiled.
When children regularly use ‘please’ when asking for something, it does two things.
First, it reinforces the idea that they’re not automatically entitled to whatever they want.
And second, it encourages an understanding of mutual respect and consideration for others.
On the other hand, saying ‘thank you’ helps them appreciate what they’re given. It instills a sense of gratitude and teaches them not to take things for granted.
These two simple phrases can be powerful tools in your parenting toolkit. And the best part? They’re easy to incorporate into daily conversations with your kids. Plus, they make those little interactions just a bit sweeter!
8) They rescue their children from consequences
It’s tough to watch your child face the consequences of their actions, especially when it results in disappointment or pain. But rescuing them each time they stumble does them a disservice.
When children are saved from the consequences, they may develop a sense of invincibility and entitlement.
They start to believe they can do whatever they want without facing repercussions. This can lead to a lack of responsibility and accountability.
Consequences are life’s natural teachers. They help children learn from their mistakes and understand the importance of their choices.
As challenging as it may be, it’s crucial to let your child face the music sometimes. Remember, you’re raising future adults who need to know actions have consequences, and it’s a lesson better learned sooner than later.
Wrapping up
Raising children is a journey filled with ups and downs. If you’ve been recognizing some of these behaviors in your own parenting, don’t be too hard on yourself.
Nobody is a perfect parent, and the fact that you’re here reading this shows your commitment to improving.
Remember, the goal isn’t to raise perfect children but to nurture them into becoming responsible, respectful, and empathetic individuals who can navigate through life’s challenges with resilience.
So take some time to reflect on your parenting style. Are there areas you could work on?
Parenting is a lifelong learning process, and every day presents new opportunities for growth – both for you and your child.
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